So I had 8 days under my belt but I slipped last night. I had one beer and a few swigs from a Kinky bottle. The good news is I didn’t get wasted and controlled myself. But I’ve been here before and this always leads back to more and more down the road. My trigger? My boyfriend. He has been drinking everyday, last day I can remember he didn’t drink was last Tuesday, and talking to him on the phone on my way home from work I knew he was buzzed. I’m sure it was his usual jagger bottle he hides under the front seat of his car all the time. This is normal for him. He usually drinks everyday. Beers & swigs from a jagger bottle. We’re talking probably 3-6 beers and a half a bottle of jagger he can put down in a night. He doesn’t get drunk, he just gets buzzed. He’s never been sloppy drunk or blacked out. If anything he’s been drinking for so long now he just needs it to feel normal. He doesn’t see himself having a problem and I know there’s no hope of him cutting back. I don’t mind that he drinks but the every night thing is getting old. I come home to a buzzed boyfriend with alcohol on his breath and I am finding him annoying. I never drank this much until I met him. He brought it into my life and I tried to change him and tell him I wouldn’t be with an alcoholic. He made me believe I didn’t love him for who he was and I thought I was going to lose him. In the end I ended up just joining him cause I was tired of being around him sober and look where I am now. Angry drunk blackouts and was drinking every other day with him. That is not me nor the life I want to live. I feel like he might be in denial with his drinking, but because I’m the bad drunk who can’t control herself when she drinks, and he is never like that, he doesn’t see it as a problem. He is literally drinking and driving every single day with a bottle of jagger under his car seat. I’ve talked to him about this and he says he knows he’s in control and knows his limits. This last week I remained sober and just got so annoyed with his drinking everyday, I am starting to question if we had a relationship built on alcohol. That when I am sober my mind and eyes are clear. I’m finding him annoying and wondering if he even knows how to be with me sober. But then I read stories of people who do drink every night and are totally ok and think maybe its just me? I’m sorry for the novel, any advice is much appreciated.
Hey thanks for sharing I am lucky my partner does not drink so that is a bonus for me, I am not going to judge but what you have shared could be a bit of an issue, I am interested to see what other peoples views are. you are definitely in the right place… Good on you for trying to stay sober it must be hard with temptation like that.
its really hard, I find the social aspect really hard here in Australia as there is a real problematic drinking culture with us Aussies…Try not to be too hard on your self!!! I have been going to therapy and its all starting to make sense. We are definitely on a journey… this bitch called addiction I have learnt is an ongoing process. I have started to surround myself with people who have my best interests at heart. I have even had to cut off my mother who is very toxic which has really started to improve my stress levels. You will get there mate. hang in there…It will get easier for you… 
It’s definitely hard. My ex drank a lot more than me, and it was really hard to be around him when I was sober (like when I was pregnant). I think it’s possible to get sober and stay sober even if you’re with somebody who drinks daily, but it’s not easy, and it’s going to put pressure on your relationship. It will ultimately be a good pressure, whatever happens; you’ll get to a deeper truth about what you really feel, which alcohol can mask. Stay strong, hang in there.
Are you me? Because EVERYTHING you wrote is/was my life.
Advice? Focus on your own sobriety. We can blame others all we want but in the end…no one put that bottle to our mouth and made us drink. We have no control over anyone else but ourselves. If it’s bad enough and your truly ready to quit…you’ll be willing to do anything to get sober. (Recovery, changing people, places, routines) Don’t drink AT anyone…it solves nothing.There will always be things that stress out…we learn to deal with them on life’s terms. If you drink, the problems are still there but now you have to handle it with a hangover and no motivation. It’s your sobriety, not his…boundaries need to be set (no more alcohol in the house if you are taking this seriously)
Are there things you can do to give yourself some space from his drinking when you are home or away from home while he’s drinking? Movie or book in another room, sign up for a class, walk around the mall, etc. If you aren’t available as his drinking partner perhaps he will naturally cut back. If he doesn’t cut back or want to be involved with you under new circumstances that will tell you a lot about the future.
“Relationships built upon alcohol” , now that is something I have experience with. To be brutally honest , all my romantic relationships were built like that , I have to be honest with myself and I think that if I hadn’t been drinking as I did in the past I would have never ever dated the people I did. For example my last gf used to drink even more than me , and actually every problem we ever had was because of alcohol , when we were sober we rarely had anything to talk about except to plan to go out for dinner and obviously drinking , wich was the only way we could have fun together. We ended up never seeing each other or speaking ever again. But the worse was my first real relationship , I remember her saying “you have no idea what it’s like going to bed with someone who smells so much like alcohol …” , back then I thought just like your boyfriend … well then she doesn’t love me the way I am. She had to witness so many embarrassing moments , had to put up with me fighting for nothing , my hangovers , my bad mood. I little by little made her life a nightmare , and all I could think about was that she had to love me just the way i am , that’s love. How can you love someone like that?. Then I remember the first time we “hooked up” , was I sober ? HELL NO. Would I had noticed her if it wasn’t because I was drunk and feeling lonely?, I am not so sure anymore. So I not only made her suffer but I dragged her into a relationship that maybe should had never happened in the first place. I think you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel , and also try to remember why are you together , what other great things you share besides getting drunk together and only then make a decision. But most importantly think about you.
Btw there is a movie about a married couple who are drinking together and then the wife decides to get sober… It is called Smashed, if you’re interested. i enjoyed it a lot.
Call it what you want to call it, he’s a friggin alcoholic. Sorry, it’s from a song, just made me think of that. Sounds like he definitely has his own issues with booze. Keeping it in the car like that is a huge red flag. That’s not normal. No normal drinker takes swigs from a bottle they keep hidden under the seat.
I can’t imagine trying to stay sober with someone with those drinking habits. 
Makes me squirmy just thinking about it.
Unfortunately, I have to agree with Elasbeth. There is no reason to keep a bottle of alcohol in the car that’s just silly to me, and I’ve done my fair of drinking. It doesn’t matter if he’s an angry drunk or not, there is an issue there. There is no reason to drink everyday, unless there is a dependence on alcohol. We all know the excuses; I drink to relax, I drink to socialize, I drink to “fill in the blank”. My wife said the same thing when I told her you should read the “Naked Mind, How to Control Alcohol”. I don’t have a problem why should I read it… I was like fine, see if I care. So, I’ve questioned my relationship with my wife as well. We live 1,000s of miles apart, so the impact isn’t nearly as rough.
@Bali45 you are not crazy. I’m sure everyone on here can see that his drinking habits are not okay, however many reasons he might have.
@Bali45 don’t make any haste decisions. You sound like once you put on your sober cap you can rationlize and put things in perspective.
I do see love and marriage as a team event. If their not going to support you in your darkest hour, I sure don’t want them around in my brightest hour.