the desire to use is almost completely gone. It may come here and there but lasts seconds.
the problems and obsession to use usually starts when i start feeling better and forget the misery of using, usually around the 5 month period. This time i must maintain recovery on daily basis, perhaps for rest of my life.
my health has improved, but this is due to daily vigorous exercise. I jog about 3km a day even in -20c weather. I find this to be one of the most important parts of my recovery. I still have health issues but I hope they become manageable with time.
i go to 1 as meeting locally which is a big book study. I find it helpful and get something valuable from every reading.
i keep a daily journal tracking progress, emotions and health.
i do online meetings as they are available all day long.
overall feeling much better and am able to do things that used to be hard, i.e. shower, eat, take care of myself and house.
now I am watching what i eat, especially sugar consumption.
have greater control over emotions, but I am still prone to outbursts of anger and frustration.
been watching a lot of movies, and this helps get out of myself.
Otherwise i am proud of myself and the changes i made. At this point in my recovery even if someone offered me crack for free or paid me to use i wouldnât.
Congratulations!!! I love to hear about all the positive changes that happen to people when they stay sober and take care of themselves. So proud of you. Keep up the great work!
Yea, it gets better, much better. The first couple of weeks are the real test. If you can make it through them and then maintain your sobriety with some necessary actions you should be able to stay off this hellish drug for good.
Thanks for posting. I have 6 months clean from alcohol and crack. I.still get thoughts of using or justifying it and I try to remember the really bad times⌠itâs hard as fuck, I never want to feel that way again. So glad to see youâre doing good.
Further update.
Survived the holidays depiste the loss of my father during this period. I know that if he didnât suffer from dementia before he died his only wish for me would be for be free, happy and sober. I will not let him down.
I have had a spiritual awakening but it came with fire. I am fully confident I will be sober for the rest of my life. If not, I am dead anyway. So basically sober = life while using = death. I was near death and only wanted to die on my last day of using. It is something I hope I never forget. Either you die from using or the quality of life is so horrible that death would be preferable. Such my experience with crack cocaine. My health may be permanently damaged, but this provides a constant reminder of how close to death I really was. The pain of the past keeps me sober in the present and reminds me how certain death would occur if I relapse. I donât want to end up as a friend who committed suicide because of inability to maintain continuous sobriety. I have seen so much death and destruction and misery from crack cocaine from attending meetings. Who has a happy story to tell when using crack? It always ends with disaster. And at that point, the person either cleans up completely or rapidly digs their own grave.
Clean now 1 month 20 days. Survived the holidays. My father died De 27 2018. We were not that close but I still loved him. Now I face another challenge. My dog is at the vet and has problems urinating. Cancer ruled out but prostate infection and bladder problems seem to be the issues. Will know tonight if he can urinate by himself without a catheter. if not futher hospitalization will be needed. if so the bill will be $5000. The urge to use now is the last thing on my mind. I dont even have the craving for a second now. All this drama has sobered me up well. Hoping all will be well with my little guy but he is an old so i canât expect too much. There are still some treatments available. Havent lost all hope yet.
Made it through holidays. Made it through my fatherâs death. Now my dog has been diagnosed with a malignant tumor. Seeing surgeon on Sunday. Hopefully it can be removed and has not spread. He is an old guy, 13 years old German shepherd, but I am not giving up on him until they they tell me its hopeless. All this stress and strain has made using the last thing on my mind.
WowâŚ2 months 11 daysâŚthat is absolutely FANTASTIC to hear. I am sorry to hear about the hurdles life is placing in your wayâŚbut I am truly amazed at just how strong these two months and 11 days have made your resolve. I remember when you were first in here and struggling. Iâm in awe of your strength and growth. Sending all my love to you and the pupâ¤ď¸ fantastic work
Hi,
Not a user of crack, but I hope I can offer some helpful advice:
Staying occupied helps, whether itâs taking up a new hobby, watching an interesting film, reading something engaging, or doing some physical activity (even walking, for a start). We tend to minimize the damage caused by addiction when we get the urge to use, but try to remember what you went through before you were able to feel well on your own. As cliche as it sounds, the âone day at a timeâ mentality really helps if the idea of never being able to use again seems overwhelming. Focus on staying sober TODAY, do whatever you can to get rid of the cravings, and repeat the next day. Set goals for yourself. It might also help to reward yourself for milestones. Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to, and good luck in your efforts!
I know you dont want to be advised to try meetings but NA would tell you that we cant subsittute one drug for anotherâŚtaking that D wasnât a great choice.
Iâve been addicted to crack for a few years now, started with powder form coke first which was my doc for 8 years. I find it impossible to not think about crack daily. Iâm on day 100 here today and I still have constant urges and cravings⌠I cant help you much other than let you know youâre not alone and it seems there are many on here with the same doc so that should give you some hope that others are fighting with you as well
I relapsed after my first 90 days clean and then faced a 4 month relapse, this is my second time around with recovery and like I said being on day 100 this time, itâs still hard to fight the shit!!! The meetings do really help me but itâs because of the repetition of reminding myself Iâm an addict and that I cant go use or itll all fall apart again!
NA has FUCKED my using up completely hahaâŚ
Other than that I dont know what to do myself either buddy! I do find that meditation works though!
To be honest using crack cocaine is the last thing I would want to do right now. I would rather shoot myself in the head. But when I forget all the hell it caused me it becomes dangerous again.
3 months. Feeling much better. Obsession completely gone. Even if I had 3 months to live I would not use. The humiliation, terror, addiction, and suffering are just not worth it.
Been 3 months since i was here and i am thankful to have seen your story here tonight.
Ive been using. When i havent been using, rest assured that my strength was spent figuring out where i was going to get the next dose from.
Shameful. Remember that feeling? The sheer misery when you realize the person you most hate in this world is the one you catch staring back at you in the mirror. Remember feeling that murderous rage when you add up all that you wasted while wasted?
Money, time, relationships.
Nothing i mention here has changed. Youre not missing out on anything desirable back here. Stay alert and guarded. Stay sober.
This shit sucks, dont relapse.
Thanks for posting your experiences here. I appreciate you sharing your struggle of survival.
Slowly things are getting better both physically and mentally. When you do so much harm to yourself through decades of using it takes a long time to recover. The obsession has been lifted a long time ago. The occasional thought of using comes here and there, but lasts only a few seconds. I think of what the terrible consequences would be if I made the deadly decision to use and then the desire is replaced with repulsion and fear. These occasional thoughts may come and go for the rest of my life, but as long as stick to my recovery, attend AA meetings, and follow the program in the Big Book, and keep a healthy relationship with God I am sure I will be able to preserve and enjoy my sobriety and life. I know a relapse at this point would be the end of me.
Today is my 6 month anniversary. It has not been easy. Lost both my dog and my father during that time. Still have health issues due to my using, though some improvements there and expect more. Meetings have been a great help. Feeling better overall. Obsession and thoughts to use gone. After each relapse the situation becomes more critical. After relapsing so many times in the past I recognize now that using again would be the end of me. However, today I choose life over death.
One item that has really helped me for my doc is one night I wrote myself a letter. I wrote about it while the feeling was still fresh. It wasnât a letter with putting myself down or desperation or even glory. It was pure and simple truth of how I felt and what was going on in that present moment. I included both the good and bad parts. I made sure the letter held the deepest parts of me and the doc. I took a photo. I have not yet achieved long term sobriety but I wrote this letter a little while ago. I can assure you that in the times past when I began to forget I re read what I wrote. It helped me to stay grounded.
so glad youâre here fighting
