No ca zoom meetings?
Ur words are something i will always go back to read, when im having my craving.
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Hey Tiffanie, Iām so glad to hear that. ThE Dave Chapelle Rick James skit was on the other day where he keeps saying ācocaines a hell of a drugā and while it used to make me laughā¦now it really makes me shake my head. Itās really sinister how itās only main affect other than essentially insomniaā¦is making you want more of it. It is fucked up.
How are you doing these days?
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Its totally fucked up!!! Its a total struggle.
I have tried to self councel myself by watching these interventions and therapy tv shows to dig down to see what my issues are
And im lost AF.
Smh
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I relapsed friday night.
So I have only been sober for 2 days. Smh
Im depressed, i feel guilty as hell.
Im trying to get my mind to a place where im ok. But the night of me getting high just replays in my head and I keep asking myself why.
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Peace,ā¦WHY? Thatās the million dollar question lol I completely understand you sis. Depression, shame, guiltā¦thatās the addiction(disease)ā¦its how it talks to us. Cognitive behavioral therapy is good place to start, good reading there. Helps with mental mapping, why am I thinking what Iām thinking, ya know? Thereās lot of infoā¦if youāre interested Iām more the willing to take a verbal walk with you
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Thank you for sharing. Itās impossible for us to see our way out of a storm that we have created and sit in the center of. If self counseling hasnāt worked have you reached out for help? NA, SMART recovery, therapists, intensive outpatient rehab, in patient rehab, women in recovery, refuge recovery, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The list of ways to get help is huge. When what weāre doing isnāt working thoughā¦we gotta try something else. Are any of these resources options for you?
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I would truly honestly love that @iSage
Im am truly interested in changing.
When I think back 11 years ago when I was drug free. I loved my life. Now I feel trapped, insecure, agitated, unsure, embarrassed.
I want to free without feeling i need a drug to make me happy.
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I do not know what NA or SMART is.
I have tried in rehab facilities 2xs. For a max of 5 days. But I have work so in rehabs wont work.
I am looking for a therapist. But its so hard bcuz no one seems to be available for weeks or months. I need something intense and something that will get me to break down and deal with it so i can get through it and move on.
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That is great!!! 
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NA is like a sister program to AA (narcotics anonymous as opposed to Alcoholics Anonymous) and SMART is a secular science and cognitive behavioral therapy approach to recovery. If in patient is not an option have you looked into intensive out patient programs?
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I am interested in anything outpatient.
I actually joined a NA zoom meeting tonight.
It was so inspirational. I had no idea there were meetings like this out there. I will be checking in everynight to see whats available.
This forum as changed my life.
I am very appreciative that I found you all.
I will take this day as the beginning of a new life and cherish it and never relapse again!
I know that seems like a big goal. But I feel reborn. 
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Amazing news!! Glad to hear that you found an NA meeting. Glad to hear youāre sober today 
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Iāve made it a little over a week, on and off for about 8 years nowā¦ I donāt know how many times Iāve restarted my days on my sober time appā¦ but Iām here to try againā¦ reading the comments and knowing Iām not the only one feeling the way I do is very helpful and hopefulā¦ Iāll continue to tryā¦
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Hi Sadies
Checking in. How are you doing?
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Well, to be frankly honest, I suffererd a serious heart attack on Jan 1 2020. Since that day O have been totally clean from drugs and alcohol except for some sleeping pills prescribed by my doctor. In a sense, the heart attack was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me, for now I am clean and sober.
Hopefully, you donāt have to go down my path to get clean, and can stop before anything terrible happens
One way or another, you will quit, whether in living or in death. You do have choice though.
1 year 11 months clean
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This is a scare for me. My DOC is/was cracked cocaine. Iām in my 1st week of recovery right now. It scares me and I know all to well to think to myself, āThat wonāt happen to meā. Thank yoy for the reminder and for anther reason to keep staying clean
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Glad you are clean sober. Keep going.