How do you deal when your significant other still drinks. I’m trying not to be upset that he’s at this moment at the store getting a beer…but I am. Feel like it’s selfish to say I don’t want to drink so you shouldn’t either but I so badly want to. We talked about me not drinking earlier and he still wants me to drink cuz he likes to remember the good times but for me I just don’t want to. How should I react?
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I think you need to have a conversation about it. Explain what your sobriety means to you. Let him know what your comfortable with when it comes to others drinking.
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Being in early sobriety is definitely hard when ppl around you drink. I can hang out with ppl all the time now and for the most part be totally fine and not think about it. I think the biggest thing is yes it’s hard seeing him drink, but you are doing this for you. Not him, so he kind of has the rite to continue drinking, does he have a problem with the drinking? Like does he binge? Or just a couple and call it quits. I would talk to him, but make sure you’re in a calm mind so it doesn’t turn into a argument. You can’t make someone quit drinking just because you want to quit. And once he sees how good you are doing, he might like it and want to quit himself
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I got good advice on a situation very similar to this. Lead by example, not by words, to make change.
Whenever I was more focused on my significant other and family’s habits, it was an excuse for me to avoid working on my own issues. No one took me seriously, either, and I couldn’t blame them. Who was I to tell people how to live when I couldn’t even manage myself? No surprise I also relapsed.
Yeah, it was hard watching someone else do exactly what I missed doing the most. Truth was, I was really jealous. I was mad that I had to quit, I was ashamed that I wasn’t strong enough to control it, and it was a slap in the face to watch someone else enjoy what I couldn’t.
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My wife still drinks.
I made my peace early on with the fact that I don’t drink.
Not I can’t because that brings up denial.
We are not denying ourselves anything.
Learn to look at this differently.
Otherwise it’s going to be hard for you. Every time you see him and others drinking you will begrudge them this will cause resentment and will push you towards drinking.
Say to yourself every morning. I’m sober because I don’t drink!
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My wife of 36 years is still drinking. I turned 60 this year and I got my first 79 days ever. It was hard at first cuz wifey is still drinking. I got a lot of good advice here. I even hid this app from her. Then like an adult and suggestions from people on here I finally talked to her and told her how important it was for me. It was a great conversation. I told her about the app and my support group here. But she also let me know she’s still gonna drink. I got 2 grown up kids in recovery. I’ve learned the only sobriety I can control is my own. It’s getting so much easier, with the wife still drinking, now that I got a couple of months sober. I think for both of us. Hang in there it does get easier. With the spouse anyway. Sometimes I catch myself eyeballing her martinis and wish I could have one. But I know one leads to 6 or 10 of them. And I don’t miss the hangovers. I use to get them bad and often.
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I forgot to say that bit… about the only sobriety that we have control over is our own.
Thanks.
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You have a lot of strength Eric, I’m not sure I could do it if it was there in my face everyday. 
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Hey there, I wanted to share these threads with you about spouses who drink (mine does)…
Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful:
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Great advice up there 
I also have a bf who still drinks. I begged him to stop with me numerous times before this time, thinking it would be the only way I could stay sober. 100% not true. I realized that wasnt going to happen and I couldnt keep punishing myself. I did this for me. I know he probably didnt believe that I’d make it this far this time since I had attempted so many times before but I did. In the beginning he would hide his alcohol from me (mostly bc I used to steal it from him a lot when I ran out of mine 
) But I’ve gone 130 days alcohol free and hes drank probably 125 of those days. He isnt like me and can buy a bottle and not finish the whole thing. He can make himself stop, put it down, and go to bed not blacked out. Yes he occasionally gets on my nerves when hes drinking, but like the others said, ‘you only have control over yourself’. Idk your mans habits but either way, set him down(when hes sober and you aren’t angry) and just tell him how you feel. He should support your decision to quit and not push you to drink ‘for good old times’, bc I’m sure they weren’t as great as he thinks for you. I also know this time in our life is going to be a huge test for everyone, sober or not, so do your best to find what works for you right now. Take care and stay safe.
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I have a problem with alcohol. My wife does not, and neither do her parents, who live with us. There’s a wine rack in my house, and a cube fridge full of beer downstairs, and a liquor cabinet above the stove. I won’t drink, because I don’t drink. I don’t drink, because I have had problems with alcohol.
The way I see it, there’s booze everywhere. Restaurants. Social events. Grocery and convenience stores. I must be strong enough to say no. This applies to my home as well. Just because I am in proximity to booze, doesn’t give me license to drink it. Outside of my body, it has no power. Like a vampire can’t come into your house uninvited, alcohol can’t take ahold of you, until you drink it. So don’t drink it. Even if your spouse is drinking it. You are you. Be you. Be a non-drinker.
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Thank you for all the great advice! I really appreciate all of it!! He doesn’t have a problem and can just have a beer and he doesn’t think I have a problem. He just thinks that, “we all have our moment”. But honestly feel like those moments are almost every time. I’m on day 6 and feel great and don’t have to urge to drink. It’s more the feeling that I want him to not want to drink with me. He’s wonderful and isn’t pushing me to drink cuz I told him how important this is to me. This is a learn as you go journey and thank you all for being here for me! Xox
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My husband drinks everyday.
He doesnt have a binge problem like me, but i still worry about the long term side effects.
I have asked him to quit but, its not my call. I can only control what goes in my body.
I always have the argument that i dont want our children growing up seeing alcohol in the house but… i mean, i grew up in a house where there was never alcohol so, im not sure that really matters.
He respects my decision either way.
If the “good times” dont feel like good times to you, let him know how you’re feeling and why you want to quit.
Be honest with how you are feeling but remember, you can only control you.
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You must also keep in mind that this is a big change for him. I dont know him or you personally but on a general level sometimes spouses think that we wont be as much fun as we were when we were drinking. Or maybe it will change us and our relationship.
Just give it some time and as you stay consistent with you abstinence he will see the benefits to you staying sober.
My wife of 9 years and 18 year old daughter could definitely tell you they like me better at 2 years sober then they did when I was drinking or even in the early stages of sobriety.
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