It was so hard leaving them today. I couldn’t even hug them goodbye or anything and they were full of questions.
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I’m sure it was hard for all of you. Questions you can’t answer and shouldn’t have to answer either. Tough on everyone.
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What is a reasonable amount of time? I did ask him today if he thought I should look for my own place. He said to give it a few days. In anger I snapped back what so I can come back in time for you to go to work. Thankfully he replied that he’s not even thinking about work right now.
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I asked him to be mindful of what he tells the girls. I said if he chose to pursue the relationship and I come back I don’t want misguided anger.
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I wouldn’t give him more than a couple days. He should be able to find some alone time to figure out what he wants without the kids bothering him in that time and seriously think about it.
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He goes back to work Sunday and I really don’t want to feel like I’m going back to babysit. I will be very clear about that. I asked my son if I could stay a week or so or until I found my own place. He’s good with whatever. . .just not feeding his Mom.
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I really think I need to talk to him about this tonight. It made me feel better and it may provide him a different perspective as well.
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I was thinking about that too, that he’d have you come back to stay with the kids while he goes to work. I’m glad you’re not falling for that.
That last sentence made me chuckle. Mom has to go shopping. lol
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Exactly!! Put it all out there tonight for sure.
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Bahahahahahahaha now the roommate did it. Need to feed myself. Dually noted 
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Sooooo. . .I’m going to convey that I understand about the relationship uncertainty and establish some form of time limit. Part of me wants to say after he starts work lol but I won’t. I do want to share my thoughts on the infatuation feeling not having opportunity and not usually staying even if it is present. I want to ask him to think about what he wants and needs love to look like. I want to tell him I do believe he loves me.
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Hope to hear from him shortly so I can evacuate my head and get some sleep.
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184 days. Didn’t get the opportunity to talk to my man before going to bed last night as I assume he fell asleep. I know what I want to say to him and although it may not help in his decision making it will make me feel better to get it out. I really do love him and I really do want us to be together. Did a lot of thinking last night about what love looks like and how it can differ for each person. I also unpacked some thoughts and know I don’t want to be with him out of fear of being alone. I thought about what I would do if he wants to end things and actually surprised myself. Although I know I would initially feel broken I know I could live and flourish on my own. Going to try my best to not overthink today and with exception to wanting to talk to him this morning I am going to try my best to avoid any other contact today. I sent him a list of things I would like to pick up but am second guessing my reason for doing so. Need to pick some groceries up today and will decide if I can make do without the things I want from his house. Either way I anticipate a long ass day.
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Just got off the phone with him and he has asked for “a couple days”. I am good with that as I had prepared to give him a week or so. I am going to try my best to not text nor call him. I plan to keep my lil mind busy on “tidying” my son’s place. Right now I am exhausted. . . emotionally and physically and really need to connect spiritually. Going to try some grounding and make myself get some rest. I have a telephone interview at 11 so will do my best version of sleep/rest after that.
It’s cool cuz I’m proud of myself for the upcoming interview and the one I had Tuesday. I have absolutely no expectations and no links to my value as a person with the outcomes.
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And I got to talk to both of the girls. Cried silent tears with both of them. Really miss them and realize how much they are valued in my life.
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Was able to get a solid two hour nap. It’s nowhere what I could use right now but it definitely helps. Sitting here trying to get the motivation to go to town and get something to eat. I really don’t feel like facing public and can’t see myself doing any type of shopping. Deciding which drive thru to go through lol
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You’re doing great, sweety. That situation is not easy on any means. I’m so proud of you how you’re dealing with this so maturely even it must be a roller coaster emotionally. So glad you got to talk to the girls too. All the best for your interview.
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I know I’m having such a difficult time right now because of how deeply I care for him. I love this man and I want to experience it all with him good or bad. I want us to be able to shed our fears and give love a new meaning. I want to share my sober journey, in all its obstacles, with him. I want to own my shit, work on my shit and better myself with him. This decision is his to make and I have no control. I said I wouldn’t allow someone to have this type of power over me but I have granted him this power. I need to know that he is all in. I can’t continue to wonder where I stand. We’re either in this together or not at all. I have thought about texting him several times but have been able to refrain from doing so. I really think my absence and lack of contact is a good thing right now. It’s just so hard trying not to think about what he’s thinking or if he’s thinking at all.
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I’m really proud of you Michele. You’re handling this possibly life changing situation the best that you can. I know how difficult it is but do not text him. There’s one thing positive going on right now and that’s the time you get to spend with your son. Be kind to yourself and go enjoy a meal even if it’s fast food or takeout.
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I honestly can’t bring myself to get out and I’m okay with that right now. There are some frozen burgers here that I may attempt later. Your support last night and today means a lot. Allowing myself to free flow some tears while watching my tv drama and right now it’s working. I have been chain smoking and am disgusted with my nicotine stained fingers but for right now it’s a safe vice. Been using a stopwatch so I don’t get too carried away. If I had a friend that could be here right now I’m sure I would be in their arms bawling. Instead I have two dogs glued to me for support and that feels good too. My son is going ice fishing after work and won’t be home until late. I think it’s good for me to have some alone time too. Unfortunately it’s really enforcing how much I want to be back home but that’s okay too. I appreciate what I have had and if given the opportunity will express that daily.
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