178 days. Having difficulty adjusting to this stupid shift of my man’s. Also having problems not making it all about me. I got upset this afternoon when he offered to help out for the afternoon at his cousin’s farm. In my typical fashion I ran away from my feelings and went for a nap. Needless to say I didn’t sleep. Came out to the camper and my man told me he wasn’t going to the farm as his cousin hadn’t called. I was kinda excited but then he went inside to lay down. I was angry and basically texted him pouting about not spending time with me. Quite sometime later I texted him apologizing and told him I missed him. I told him I struggle with the minimal time we spend together while he’s working this shift and basically that I’ll be glad when this job is over. Part of me wishes I didn’t send either text but too late. Been watching my shows for a couple hours and now need to get supper going. By the time he gets up, the girls go to bed and he lays back down before his shift I’ll be lucky to get an hour alone with him. I fucken hate this and I wish I could be stronger but today I’m just not 
179 days. Thankful to have made it through the rollercoaster of emotions today. Not quite sure how or why the rawness surfaced but I made it through and am stronger for it. Was able to spend some quality time with my man this evening before he layed down. Thankful there are only two more shifts in his stretch and then 5 days off. The more open and honest about where I was in my head today, the more love I felt from him. I’m trying so hard to accept his love and know I’m deserving of it without looking for the fallout. Going to watch an episode of my show, put the girls to bed & then crawl into bed for some cuddles before my man leaves for work.
Today wasn’t the best day but tomorrow is a new day and I’m looking forward to it 
Almost 6 months sober and I think I just ended my relationship. I am not and will not be drinking but am really struggling atm. Messaged my son to ask him if I could come stay with him for a while. I don’t have many other options but know I can’t stay here.
Hey, what has happened??
Whatever it is, it would be 10000 times more terrible if you picked up a drink. It will not help at all. I’m sorry things have turned to shit. Hang in there Michelle 
183 days. Six months sober today and not in the mood for celebrating anything. When I drank six months ago it was to numb the fears of rejection. My man and I had discussed pursuing an intimate relationship. I had told him I was fine if he didn’t want to but needed to know as I was falling in love with him and his girls. I was so scared that he was going to tell me that he only wanted to be friends but he didn’t. I had already rented a motel room and drank the evening away. Since then, we have gone through a lot with his 9-year old and I have toughed through a lot coming out stronger and sober. Many issues from both of our past relationships have surfaced and together we have worked through them. I have learned a lot about myself and worked on myself a lot in this relationship. Last night our conversation included him saying he doesn’t know if he wants to be in a relationship. I was completely shocked as we just recently discussed how we both wanted this and agreed baby steps were our best plan. I told him he has some serious thinking to do and decisions to make. I don’t want to be there while he’s making his decision and have taken my dog and am staying at my son’s. I feel like a part of me shattered last night and I’m lost with what to do with the pieces. I am sober but my whole body is effected by my move. I am having trouble eating and sleeping. I know I will be okay but I’m not okay right now. He’s supposed to be calling me after the girls go to bed. I don’t know what timeline I consider reasonable but plan to ask what kind of timeline he considers fair.
I’m trying so hard to have no expectations and not replay everything in my head. Will be so thankful for sleep when I’m able to.
Wow! Just wow! It sounded like you two were making a lot of progress in your relationship. You were totally blind sided. Please know I’m here for you. Don’t hesitate to PM me. Sending you big hugs. 
I feel totally blindsided. I’m fucking baffled. I knew me leaving isn’t running away but part of me just wishes it were over so I can grieve and move on. In my heart I want so badly for him to tell me that I am what he wants and he wants me to come home. My head wants him to tell me it’s over. I’m trying not to text him and tell him every little thing I’m feeling and thinking but I can’t seem to stop myself. I’m already worked up and anxious about him calling later. I don’t wanna chase but I don’t want to lose him.
Your emotions are all over the place which is expected under the circumstances. Try not to text him anymore. Have that call with him later and try to keep it simple, don’t press him. Let the relationship have a little space. He obviously doesn’t know what he wants and maybe some time apart will give him clarity. Can you find something to distract your mind? Maybe read a book? Obsessing over this is only going to make you feel worse…
I’ve been letting this rent space in my head since yesterday evening and I know it’s like self-sabotage. I’m going to try my best to text him no more this evening. I’m going to try and eat something and I’m going to try and sleep after. Odd question but do you think love is like infatuation where you want to be with the person all the time? This is something that came up last night and it’s something I’m struggling to process.
I think love always starts out as infatuation. The infatuation becomes love once you see all the good and bad in the other person and you still want to be with them no matter what. That’s my opinion anyway.
He talked about questioning if he was in love with me because he doesn’t feel this way. He says he does love me but not like that. Him telling me he’s not in love with me and not sure if he wants to be in a relationship is what this is all about. The not sure about wanting to be in a relationship is something I understand. Neither one of us are really ready. I have no problems giving him time to decide. Now I’m wondering if he needs that infatuation feeling or if he’s mistaking real love. We lived together before getting together. I don’t believe that feeling of infatuation had an opportunity. There has been no absence, no dating. It has been jump both feet into a full family. I really think I need to talk to him about this and basically what I just said. Thanks so much for being here and giving me a safe place to talk this out outside of my own head.
LMFAO. . .my son just cooked up supper. Didn’t ask his roommate or I if we wanted anything and is sitting here chowing. I need to go grocery shopping lol
Good question but only he can answer that. It doesn’t sound like he knows what he’s feeling and it’s really fucking with your emotions which isn’t fair. They say the heart grows fonder when you’re apart so you spending time away could give him the kick in the ass he needs to figure it out.
Lmao!! He didn’t offer you any? Typical young single man. Ha ha
I told him I would give him whatever time he needed but wouldn’t wait forever for a decision. Again this isn’t the part I’m struggling with. I need to ask him what he wants? What he needs? In terms of love.
Nothing Nada bahahahahahahaha
I think I may ask him if he feels there was opportunity for that. Does he need that for it to feel right? Here I go again. . .I really need to stop thinking but I don’t want to.
I hope he has answers pretty soon. You can’t put your life on hold too long. I also worry about the kids in these situations. You’ve given them so much love and a break up will hurt them too.
For the first time today I feel I may be onto something and have some hope. No expectations but yes hope.