Aww that sucks Michele. I was really hoping you’d get this job. I think it would help your situation if you could put more of your mental energy into work. And something to get you away from the family, that’s yours and yours only. Hang in there, something else is going to come your way.
2 Likes
That’s exactly how I feel.
1 Like
I know how you feel. My dream job came up and I was well qualified for it, but I didn’t get it. Don’t take it as a rejection, see it as more their loss than yours. And don’t think it is personal as they don’t know you. Things often come up unexpectedly if you persist. Keep going as you are, Michelle. 
3 Likes
204 days. Between letting go of expectations and assumptions I’m struggling today. Words said before bed last night had me stewing and led to barely any sleep. My man said something that made me feel he was saying I was a whiner. My mind assumed all the things he meant by this and it was a late night and early morning of self sabotage. I talked to him briefly this morning and he chalked his words up to being tired and just wanting to sleep. My mind, body & spirit are hurting this morning and it’s pretty much self-inflicted. I’m so scared of getting hurt yet question if I deserve better, deserve more. As I concocted shit in my head last night and got angry at the concoctions I boosted my ego some by telling myself what a good person I am. I deserve to be loved unconditionally, I deserve affection and intimacy, I deserve respect, I deserve space and understanding. . .all these things I felt I deserve and then it hit me. . .I need to treat myself better. We are in some fucked up times right now and I’m not only surviving it, I’m doing it sober. I may not be anywhere near where I want to be in life but I am sober and am approaching my longest stretch of sobriety since tipping that beer to my lips 30+ years ago. I may have nothing else but I have my sobriety and that’s the foundation I need for the rest of my life. I’m going to try to get some sleep or at least rest my mind.
4 Likes
I absolutely hate how I’m feeling right now. I feel hurt but am questioning whether I’m being overly sensitive and here I sit alone. It’s even worse I have nobody to talk to about my feelings or possible over sensitivity. I seriously dislike my life right now.
2 Likes
Hi there. You do deserve better. I can only go by what you have posted in this thread. Need a life outside of your man. I know the job disappointment is a disappointment, but don’t take that personally. Keep looking. I will say, based on your posts, you are letting your man have way too much control over your well being, and I don’t get a sense that he wants that control. I don’t think he cares. Please take care of yourself. I’ll be praying for you.
3 Likes
I really believe that the truth hurts and your words ring true. I really do need a life outside my man and his daughters. A lot of my feelings lately derive from what’s going on in our household but my man isn’t responsible for my well being. Only I am responsible for myself and my happiness. Getting into a relationship so early in my sobriety may have been a mistake but I’m not ready to give up yet. These are not normal times we are living in and these times add new stressors. I know I have given my all in this relationship and if things don’t change, once I’m working, it may be time to move on.
2 Likes
205 days. Reading over my past stretch of posts saddens me. With or without alcohol I am usually a happy bubbly person. My current relationship holds too much of my daily focus. I need to change this but really am not sure how. If I focus on myself watching tv or reading etc. I feel like I’m isolating in my own home and I don’t want to do this. My history of isolating hasn’t done me any good. I can be alone and not feel lonely. I can be happy on my own and I do truly love myself. I know how much working could change my focus and give me a sense of daily purpose but I also know that I have little control over this. I have previously said and discussed with my man about not wanting to just find a job but find a position in a career. The financial aspect gives me no desire to just get any job and my man appears to agree with me on this. However, I’m starting to think that maybe I need to take anything I can get just to get out.
A lot of feelings I’ve been processing might be tied to this lil family but this lil family isn’t holding me back it’s causing me to work on me. I am proud of how I am learning to feel feelings and process where they’re coming from but have difficulty seeing progress outside my feelings. I don’t think it would matter if I’m in a relationship or not right now. . . I just feel lost. My sobriety isn’t in jeopardy but I’m sure romanticizing my drinking days. I don’t like how things are going right now and I am here asking for help. @anon79808082, @Lisa07, @Rockstar24777, @Piglet, @CapriciousCapricorn, @Matt, @Olivia, @anon28001181 any comments would be appreciated.
10 Likes
Hey Michelle,
good that you’re reaching out. I appreciate that. I’m sorry that you’re in a bit of a slump. Correct me if I’m wrong but I reckon you’ve had many life changes within a year? It takes time to transition. That can cause feeling of being lost. You’re building your life step by step and finding your place within a family.
Internal progress / growth on character is so subtle that at least I need outside eyes to point it out to me. You seem to be well aware of your situation. I think finding a job could be a positive thing if you think you can cope with another stressor. Finding something you’d like to do would obviously be ideal.
It’s beautiful how you’ve invested yourself to your man and the girls. Whether or not it was a “good” idea at this point of sobriety seems to be irrelevant by now. That’s your family now so stick to your guns. See where it takes you and keep up the good work with your sobriety.
I’m very proud of you, lass.
6 Likes
Thanks so much for responding as I’m sitting here bawling. I have had too many changes the past year and a half essentially leaving behind any part of life as I knew it. I think I’m lacking patience in the rebuilding process.
2 Likes
Oh, I feel for you. That sounds like a big change indeed. You are a brave soul. Altho things are overwhelming, would you say that you’re in a good place? Even if some pieces are still missing from the puzzle? When you uproot a plant and move it, it takes time to regrow those roots altho the plant seems to be standing.
Write down your dreams, or draw them. Visualising things can help to direct your focus. And list what you’re grateful for. You are allowed to enjoy the little and seemingly silly things in your daily life.
Sending you hugs. It’s ok.
6 Likes
Hi Michelle,
As @Olivia has said, and as you have acknowledged, you have undergone a lot of important life changes in the last year and a half. And, there is a long time ahead to settle into new ways. We often think of taking time out as meaning taking a break from work, but everything is tipped on its head right now.
One thing is for sure, it is a period of self discovery and reflection. It is a pity that a job you sought did not fall in your lap, but that might be a blessing in disguise. As far as job decisions are concerned it is fine to have short as well as long term objectives. If you have a long term plan in mind keep seeking that out, but you have to ask yourself what is important for you right now, and let’s face it now is a time to make some compromises. You never know what opportunities may open up whatever path you take, serendipity is a funny thing.
So, if you need to make your own space to think and get a new perspective on things, take a job that will allow you to do that. If it may also restore your sense of self worth for the time being so much the better. Change always leads to more self discovery, as you well know. Just keep the doors open for your long term goals, taking something else in the meantime doesn’t make you committed to a different path.
Just make sure you decide what you are prepared to accept and what you are not, in other words, set yourself boundaries… Coming home tired and disillusioned will not help you or you family.
That’s my tuppence, anyway. 
6 Likes
From what I’ve seen in your personal thread, it does seem like your mood ebbs and flows with your partner’s, or with how your relationship is going. I do think a worthwhile goal to work towards, is to be okay with yourself despite any outside circumstances or without it being predicated on another person’s behavior. Easier said than done, especially in a relationship.
Focusing on yourself, doesn’t mean you just have to be alone. Watching TV and reading could just be another form of avoidance and I agree that isolation is not helpful. “Me time” is good to an extent, but I think truly focusing on yourself goes deeper.
Focusing on yourself, can mean working on yourself. Meditation, some therapy, reading self help books and actually implementing the advice into your life. Those can be ways you can productively work on yourself that aren’t just isolating yourself. I could be talking out of my ass because I’m not an expert (and please correct me if I’m wrong) but I think maybe there are some codependency issues going on. I know there’s a lot of literature out there on the subject and I think therapy could help with that too.
I don’t know if you’re involved in a recovery program, but that can be a great way to learn new tools and to form relationships with others who may have insights that can help you.
I understand wanting a job that is more fulfilling and more of a career. But If you just want something to do and to get out of the house, you could just take a job that you know is temporary. No reason you couldn’t continue your job search while you’re working a temporary job.
You’re making progress whether you see it or not. You’re not drinking, you’re wanting to grow, and you’re looking for help and advice. That’s progress and shows a desire to develop.
I read about an idea called the “Valley of Disappointment”. The idea was that whenever someone wants to make a change or achieve a goal, there will probably be a period of putting in the work and taking action, but not seeing the fruits of your labor. Then all of a sudden, you burst through the top of that valley and can tangibly notice the differences and progress. You’re putting in the work, you just may not see the dividends yet. Each day has propelled you to this moment and this moment will propel you to the next, until you can clearly see the change that wouldn’t have happened without the ground work you’re currently laying.
Keep at it. I see someone moving in the right direction.
9 Likes
How are you doing, Michelle? I hope you’re feeling a little better; I’m at work so couldn’t really respond til now. I do like all the input you’ve gotten here. I think that the issues with the daughter is definitely not helping, I hope your man is taking the lead on that situation.
Sometimes you just have to do your best and let go of any expectations, even with your relationship with him.
Hugs sweetie… 
5 Likes
I’m doing ok but still feeling stuck. That will only change when changes happen.
2 Likes
Dang I’m proud of you Michelle!!! I think you’ve come so far it’s amazing! My opinion would be to take whatever job you can get at the moment and let the big career job manifest in time. I think you will feel so good getting out of the house and feel better that you’ve got a small commitment that’s all yours!!! I say take the little job and everything else will fall into place. Proud of you hope that helped!!! 
3 Likes
I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I have very few people in my life that know my life never mind able to provide advice. I know you only know what I tell here but I feel safe here and you have made me feel so not alone. I have some thinking to do on the job front and think I may treat myself to some books to do some more work on me. Also plan to look at codependency articles. Read about previously and didn’t really see myself as codependent but it’s worth another look.
7 Likes
You’re doing awesome Michelle!
1 Like
We romanticize because we want to run. Something is making you want to run. You need time to unpack this and make sense of it; I can’t give you a simple statement “this is what it is Michelle, do this and you’re good”. What you’re running from, and what you’re nervous or unsettled or unsure about, is likely buried somewhere in your memory and your sense of self.
But one thing I can tell you for sure: drinking won’t help. You know this if course. Just remember it. Drinking isn’t gonna move anything forward, and it will be a waste of time and frustration for you and your man and your stepdaughters.
In my experience these times are when you need to reach out and connect. Take action, as you are doing now: reach out to connect. Also, use this as a chance to explore what you are. Read a book. Take up knitting or weaving or carving or cooking. Be creative. There’s something about creating something, that helps us feel like we’re getting somewhere.
Taking the opportunity to read and reflect, and to participate in groups, helps too. See if you can contribute something to a group: maybe share a reading, a poem, a thought. Take some time to explore the meaning of what you’re going through.
3 Likes
Hey Michelle, sorry I’m so late responding. I haven’t had a lot of time to spend on the forum lately because it’s been challenging trying to find a balance with work, family & meetings. You got some great advice already so I just wanted to chime in and tell you that you’re doing amazing on your sobriety and relationship.
3 Likes