205 days. Have made the decision to seek out some part-time work and feeling better. Isolation is driving me to overthinking and it will do me good to get outside of my head and outside of the house. Having some issues today but stood my ground and erected some boundaries.
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Glad to hear it, Michell. I was just looking for your thread to see how you’re doing today.
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207 days. Having yet another lazy weekend. Started the day off with attitude from my stepdaughter and am not going to let it rent space in my head. Every time she’s asked to do something she doesn’t want to or doesn’t get her way I watch her stew and later blame and lash out directly or indirectly at me. It is what it is and I will deal with the episodes as they arise but I refuse to stay stuck in her headspace. I just want her anger to subside so I can be myself around my man without having to worry that my affectionate ways are perceived as triggers.
I haven’t heard from my Dad yet & don’t want to feel like I’m pestering him. If he doesn’t reach out by mid-week I will.
Hoping to spend some time with my son today. Between work, quading and ice fishing he is quite busy and even an hour or two with him is truly treasured.
Have thought about my restrictions on my time spent in my bedroom. I believe it to be a good idea and am going to do my best to only allow myself two hours unless sleeping/napping. Isolating myself in a home with 4 other people, man’s friend is still here, seems odd but I know from my past that continuing to do so won’t do me any good. I have also decided to get up & get dressed up every day no matter what’s going on. Also contemplating going on daily brief walks with my tunes. I think as I’m aging I’m getting less tolerant of the cold and am becoming a bit of a pussy lol. I’m living in a place that is known for -20 to -30 winter weather and here I am shivering unless the minuses are in the single digits. The walking idea might be postponed but we’ll see.
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209 days. I’m feeling a lot better today. Still not prepared to start walking as it’s a balmy -11 right now. My emotional plate has seemed to settle some and I am thankful for that. Plan to start noting high emotional times on a calendar as I haven’t thought about the effects of my “cycle” and the moon. If there is a correlation of sorts I will be able to better prepare myself for these times.
The whole ODAAT is returning to the forefront of my mind and I feel relief when my focus stays in the moment. ODAAT I can and will do this and as I achieve goals and overcome obstacles I will be stronger and sober.
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Only where you live, Michelle, could you describe -11 as balmy. I plotted my mood over time way back when I was 17 and found there was a definite bipolar cycle of 7 weeks. That doesn’t seem to happen any more. 
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I had a hysterectomy years back and forget that there’s still a hormone cycle going on. At the end of it all getting up and choosing to have a good day is my choice. Just thought it might be interesting to chart the different emotional cycles I go through and the times the beer bitch brain needs to be told to fuck off 
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I might have suggested that I had hit the male menopause but the only remarkable thing about my hormones is I discovered I had constantly high FSH, probably due to Klinefelter syndrome (XXY).
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WOW. . .showered up (that’s a whole new topic lol), 2nd load of laundry in the dryer, both bathrooms and kitchen cleaned up and was on my way solo into town. Sidebar. . . stepdaughter asked if I would please help her with math. So off to do that but will be back to discuss my shower experience and another wow moment.
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When you talk about outside temperature, do you mean Celsius or Fahrenheit??
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Celsius so yea it’s cold here brrrrr
210 days. Here I am at 7 months sober and nearing my longest stretch of sobriety since tipping the first drink. Acceptance versus expectations has proven to be trying but worth it. I’m also trying to learn boundaries and acknowledge that there are times I don’t have to accept others involvement in my life. I’m learning what I truly deserve while also learning to view others’ words and actions as a reflection of their relationship with themselves and not a correlation to my value. I’m learning that although I’m not where I want to be in life there are positives to be grateful for. The most important thing I’m learning is to live in the moment one day at a time and to recognize the peacefulness previously mistaken for boredom.
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I almost forgot to mention my wow moment yesterday. My man received a rather large sum cheque for a settlement of a claim. As I was thinking about him picking it up I realized there is nothing I want in my life right now that money can buy. The moment I realized this I felt a warm fuzzy feeling completely wrap my entire being.
I also had quite the experience yesterday with a hot shower. Due to excema and lung issues, hot showers aren’t recommended. But yesterday something inside told me to crank the tap to hot and it was an amazing feeling. For lack of a better term it was erotic. I felt an amazing sensation of relief and utter bliss. Needless to say, I see more hot showers in my future.
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I know it’s not healthy to let others actions affect my moods but today they are and in a good way. Didn’t sleep the greatest last night and was up early. Decided to lay down before lunch and was woken as my man wanted to let me know he was going to town with his brother and wanted a kiss before he left. We have been talking about respect and his comings and goings without any notice or consultation. Today’s actions show improvement in this regard.
After getting up I came out to the camper for a smoke. The wee one went to town and the oldest is at her laptop. She has asked if I will check her math work and help her like I did yesterday. When I replied yes she let out a bunch of cheers. It might be only math but I see it as a bonding opportunity and I’m feeling good about it.
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That’s great Michelle, it sounds like you’re making positive progress in your relationship with the oldest. Hopefully, there will be no more nasty pictures/letters and it will keep getting better.
Congratulations on 7 months!! I really get excited watching your progress.
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Ended the day having a discussion about stealing as she took chocolates I had hidden in my bedroom closet. She apologized and hugged me. Things are progressing and @Lisa07 although I can hope, I’m sure there will be letters and pictures to come. If I could only get her to tell me what she did with my underwear. She doesn’t get to watch movies in our bedroom until she either says what she did with them or they appear in the laundry.
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211 days. I can’t sleep and my man’s home in bed as somehow they double booked peeps for the shift this morning. Went to bed after midnight and awoke around 4. Hopefully I can get some sleep soon but needed to check in here and post these two as they hit home
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I think the point about not being able to change people is very true. With hope, I concentrate on gratitude for now, and appreciate what I have. Since I lost everything & since I got sober, I realise that better things are already here, rather than ahead. One of those things I have now is the increasing ability to build a better future. Rather than hope, I would personally use the word “assurance”. It sounds a bit stronger. eg. Let me be assured that I am exactly where I am meant to be right now. 
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Wow. I was curious and actually read your entire thread. It’s truly amazing to read and I can understand alot of your frustrations, strengths and hope, along with dealing with blended families, what your man might be feeling and how you might be feeling, if anything I can only share my experience and maybe you can get something from it, maybe not. But I’m stationary posted at the moment with no activity so I cant help it.
First your sobriety date is like a week before mine, so the raw feeling some days still exists. But other days I feel like a million bucks.
I too was abandoned as a child, not in the same sense but I’ll elaborate, while my parents are still married, they are very selfish people, pro created and my grandmother raised us, I really never had a relationship with my parents other than when they were out to punish me for screwing up, They rarely existed in the same household, I was on a bad path up until I was about 16, I gained interest in joining the FD and becoming an EMT, I started to shift my friends circle, and my high school friends relatives took me in, set me on a straight path and I started my career. My parents really didn’t seem to care, like a weight lifted off their shoulders. I wasn’t their problem anymore. I have a 16 year old son, sober me or wasted me, I’d sell my soul before I just let someone I dont know raise my kids. But that instilled some serious issues in me for a long time. We gave you a life, now go somewhere else to live. Is how I describe it, they always said we made our marriage work because we had kids, and that’s what you do. But feeling abandoned rejected and unwanted while living in the same house, is no diferent than walking away in my eyes. To this day I dont have a relationship with my parents, when I lived close to them, I was there go to for I need something in the house or car fixed, and i always obliged because they were my parents, and I was finally hoping for some sort of acknowledgement or acceptance. It never came, I haven’t lived in that area for almost 5 years, and I can count how many conversations we had in that time. Mostly legal advice, or questions never just to chat. Or see how I am, even how my kids are, they haven’t seen them in ages, it doesn’t phase them it’s kinda sad to be honest. But that always left me with that same question of abandonment issues like when will I finally be accepted for who I am, good and bad?
As far as Mr Man & your relationship goes, I been on both sides, the emotionally unavailable not wanting to commit one, and the one on the receiving end of it thinking I could somehow have the magic wand to just make it all fall right into my ways.
Being unavailable emotionally to commit, they gave up, I was actually more invested than I thought but it was too late.
Being on the opposing end of it, I was trying my damndest, I knew the girl from HS and she approached me, after months of effort gave up
So as far as Mr. Man he may be struggling with being burned not only by an ex, but many ex’s and opening up is hard, trusting is hard. In his head he probably fears you’ll quit when he starts to feel good about it, is he gonna tell you that? Probably not, we are guys. We dont speak of the fears of our wives, gf or whatever leaving, insecurity is not masculine by society standards.
As far as you, dont fear opening up to him, you say he respects you, and it seems like he does, he will honor your feelings and might have to make some adjustments. But patience can pay off, if you state your feelings the right way. It can do wonders.
As far as the family blending it’s a bitch no way around it. You as a step child are well aware of that, deep down inside every child wants the traditional family unit, Dad moving on means its really not gonna happen, and it also means he has to share his love by 3, not 2. They may truly love you, but also could end up being manipulated by their mother, because she doesn’t want to officially let go either. You would be surprised as the layers peel.
If he just wanted to push you away, he had his out when you left, so take that with a grain of salt.
For the record I dont believe in the time and sobriety, relationship equation. It was put there for people who focus entirely on their SO’s and not anything else. Plus it also has the impact of preventing the 13th step relationship, where an old timer comes for a newcomer whose raw and abuses their vulnerability, everyone grows at their own pace, some people have made more progress in, a few months while others take years. But I have seen people take advantage of the 6 month rule and manipulate it their way, YMMV I have friends who met in treatment and been living together since, like literally she moved in with him the day she discharged. Did I think it was insane, hell yeah especially since she was a Cali girl, and knew no one, did it work. Yeah they are pretty happy together. How? I don’t know the whole you need to work on yourself before being with someone else is half true, you should always be working to improve yourself, that doesnt mean you should be forever single either
The off shift thing, j been working off shift since it was a thing to work off shift, its difficult the only thing I can say is ask for just a specific time each day just for you to bond and spend time together it’s hard I know. I actually learned that tip from marriage counseling, & nurturing a long distance relationship for about a year. It does work
The him doing without asking, masculinity is a hard mentality to break, plus if he was in a relationship with a authoritarian partner, it almost feels like asking permission than giving courteousy or respect, it’s a difficult thing to overcome
Work for everyone has been hell, I been trying to step back into a career and got shot down at multiple places, it’s deflating, I just got another opportunity locally to try, but I’m so divided. I dont have the perfect boy scout background, but it might be my only chance? IDK.
The best guidance I can give you, make your intentions clear, even if you fear rejection. It hurts, I know its miserable but you cant say you didn’t make it clear.
Also dont take shortcuts or make concessions on your goals or sobriety for another. I did that and it got me stuck for lack of better terms. I stayed semi local and gave up job prospects that I would have loved, based on my former girlfriend telling me she wanted to fix us and our issues only to burn me. I could be in So Cal now, but I chose to stay and I’m paying for it. Be happy you made it this far, and strive for more.
Everyone deserves happiness in some way shape or form. I wish you the best
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Not desiring to change anyone and accept them as they are is one of my big progressions along with more acceptance and less expectations. However I am learning boundaries and expressing what I feel is disrespectful.
I pretty much walked away from everything shortly after starting my journey. My ability to build a better future is a definite but I am still struggling to see that better things are already here. It’s not that I’m not grateful, I just feel stagnant. I am not used to depending on anyone and it has been difficult.
It’s interesting you chose to respond to this meme as I really like self-belief or self-faith instead of hope. I can encourage myself but see assurance as outside of me and coming from another being, human or not. Nonetheless, whatever word used, I really like the message.
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WOW. . . reading the whole thread must have been boring lol. Thanks so much for sharing and for your suggestions. I wish you all the best in your journey as well. May you find a job in a place that allows you to build and be a better you.
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