Man bought a lil PA/amp system with a microphone. Sat & made a playlist for myself and am going to go sing my lil heart out. Tears may flow but for no particular reason other than an emotional release. I’m really looking forward to it but it seems odd as it used to be one of my go tos while drinking. Happy places sober for the same reason and I’m going to have some fun with it 
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221 days. Not sure if it’s Covid or just my personal circumstances but I’m not happy with my life right now and having difficulties seeing opportunities for change. Despite being in a home with 2 other adults and 2 children I feel so alone. Being alone and feeling lonely is one thing but being around peeps and being lonely is quite different. I briefly mentioned that to my man the other night. When I told him I missed him he laughed. I said that I felt that we weren’t spending quality time together but just coexisting. I stressed that it was nobody’s fault and nobody to blame. His reaction to my feelings made it feel even worse. After returning to this province after 12 years many of my old friends have moved on. The way things are due to Covid makes it extremely difficult to make new friends. I have and am trying to find any type of work. I have reached out several times to a friend here but believe she is avoiding me as she is an alcoholic and knows I’m sober. I honestly wouldn’t care how hammered she was/is if I could just spend some time with her. If I could spend time with anyone else right now it would be good. These feelings are really beginning to trigger urges and again I’ve been romanticizing my drinking days. Instead of finding myself in sobriety, I feel like I’m losing myself and hitting a different type of rock bottom. I know these feelings will pass but fuck me I’m having a tough one.
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I’m sorry you’re having a tough time Michelle I can totally relate to feeling lonely in a room full of people. I remember feeling the same way and telling the person I was dating that I miss them and they just laughed and thought I was weird because we were always together. The point I was trying to make with them was that’s sometimes it’s not enough to just “be” in the same physical space with someone, it’s the “quality and closeness” that counts. I don’t have any advice but wanted to reach out and let you know that I feel ya. I hope you have a better day 
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It’s hard to convey this without looking needy and I’m trying so hard to be self-sufficient. I’m not wanting to escape but need to shed this feeling.
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I totally understand! It’s not being needy at all, hopefully he will understand 
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Do you have any sobriety groups you could join? Like AA?
This is definitely something I’ve toyed with but just haven’t yet.
I’m sorry Michelle I know the feeling of being alone in a room while amongst people too well. Its challenging and difficult to say the least. And it makes you feel worse, add that your BF has apparently made you feel dismissed and its worse.
I know you said you have done some AA meetings via zoom but not in person, considering the circumstances it can be hard to get out and socialize, and it makes it worse
You are more than welcome to join our zoom group anytime, it is alot of fun.
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I am in central time zone in Canada. When are the zoom meetings for the TS group?
Usually 1 pm then your time, they run quite a while
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Hey Michelle,
here’s a link to the zoom thread with all info you need.
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222 days. Had a better discussion with my man yesterday about my loneliness. I think he gets it but I guess only time will tell. We also talked yesterday and this morning about being on the same page regarding his daughter. We had company last night and knowing we would be up late he allowed the girls to fall asleep in our bed. I stood my ground and wouldn’t allow them to watch a movie in there as my panties have yet to resurface. Despite not wanting her in my room at all, no issues were had and we moved the girls prior to us going to bed. However, we awoke this morning to another shit show. I have a metal seahorse in the small bathroom that is filled with seashells. My stepdaughter decided to break a wire on the seahorse and remove shells AGAIN. Both her Dad and I have previously given her shit about this. This morning I basically told her to leave my stuff alone or I would be spanking her. I get that she feels like I’m competition but this blatant disregard and disrespectful behavior to my belongings isn’t going to be tolerated anymore. To boot we also received an email from her teacher that she has been erasing parts of her assignments and when confronted has denied doing so. We have talked to her about this previously and this time I became the bitch. Told her that we all knew she’s doing it and it needed to stop. Her teacher and/or her Dad and I are around all day so ask questions if she doesn’t understand. She has four missed assignments and six that require completion and/or corrections. I honestly don’t care if she sits at the table all fucken day.
I have so much anger in me this morning and need to find a healthy outlet for it. Have messaged my son and hope to go visit this afternoon.
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Thanks Chris, I was too tired to do the conversion
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OMG. . .I am absolutely speechless as I’m sitting in the camper smoking kinda eavesdropping (baby monitor) on a conversation between my man and his daughter. He is confronting her on her behaviour over the past six months. Has told her that she is the only one in the family with a shit attitude and if she doesn’t like her life she can go live with her Mom. Further went on to say that she won’t be video chatting with her Mom for a while as he’s aware of their “plan” to break us up and have her come here! He told her he doesn’t love her Mom and will never be getting back together with her. Unfortunately my son isn’t available for a visit. I honestly feel like fading into the background right now. Part of me wants to thank him for finally taking this stance and part of me just wants to keep my mouth shut and stay the fuck out of it.
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I hope your good, you have worse sleep habits than I
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Definitely keeping my mouth shut and staying out of it. He basically made it clear he’s about to lose his shit and is so done with the fucken drama. All I said was I hear ya and understand. Asked if he wanted to watch a movie and he angrily declined so I’m going to go watch a movie by myself. NOT going to walk on eggshells and am not going to take any blame for the shitshow/drama that I’ve been fighting and overcoming SOBER on a daily basis. I just pray this is the beginning of the end of all this bullshit.
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Hey, he confronted the Issue, I know a bit late, but I’m sure he’s frustrated as well, as a parent we love our children, we want the best for them, he probably feels shitty about having to have that conversation. Its rough.
Not trying to pry, but from my observation you have an adult child, and he has 2 younger ones, is there an age gap? Not that it really matters love dont care who you love, but as a younger guy who had relationships with older women, it often can feel intimidating. Like it can feel like I’m doing this for the first time and my lady has experience. Maybe something to talk about. Your feelings are important, but his are as well, maybe trying to get him to open up to you more can gracefully and greatly improve your relationship. Physical intimacy is one thing, emotional intimacy and trust are a whole other level
But let’s hope his apparent stance towards the young lady is enough to get her to think, also I still think maybe he should have her see a counselor or therapist or something, it sounds like she has alot of unprocessed emotions and is lashing out
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Glad to see him stepping up, I agree with you and let him deal with it in his way. Breathe deep! That explains alot if the mother is putting ideas in her head…not good for her or you.
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He is actually older than me and has children older and younger than mine. We are working through this together as both of us have admitted to not facing this previously. It’s not easy but we will get through it. I am just so relieved that he has finally stepped up and spoke out.
Right now it feels good to just step aside and let him take the lead. Thanks so much for being here for me along the way girl. . .much love 
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