That’s great,
Blended familia is quite difficult, add on s spiteful ex, it adds stress. I really do hope that you guys can work through it together and get a positive outcome
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Apparently she has been talking about coming to stay here like they’re a family! Wtf is wrong with this woman I don’t know but I’m sure glad it’s out and denied lol. Evening is wrapping up and she’s back at the table still doing homework. It has been a bit of a tense day and I’m looking forward to the girls going to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and if the weather permits I’ll be off helping insulate a building with no heat.
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That explains alot,
Shes using that poor kid as a pawn, I bet any money on it, my kids mom did it a handful of times, oh if so and so is gone we can be a family again, even though that’s not the intention, it’s a control thing. I cant have you, but no one else can either
223 days. It’s -32 with the wind and here I am getting ready to go to work! My man told me if it’s too cold for me he will go help with the insulation. Although I’m sure I’ll freeze, despite several layers, I’m too stubborn to back out. Kinda hoping when the guy with the building calls to say what time he’ll be there today he’ll cancel our today. Either way I need to finish getting dressed and make something for lunch.
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I hope this is a turning point for you and your man. I agree on just observing and staying out of it. He set the line i the sand for his daughter and will have to be able to co tinue to address it when (not if) she crosses ot again. Stay warm and bundled up!
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I’m hoping this will be a turning point for the whole family. Only time will tell and my patience is key.
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Over the past few days I have done some thinking about where I truly am. When the 222 was on my screen I realized I am proud of myself. Although others voicing their pride is nice I know what I have done and my pride is all I need. Like gratitude I have to find pride in what I would previously view as small things. There were days before my journey and at the beginning of my journey that getting out of bed was something to be proud of. Now I’m grateful to get out of bed and know that staying there isn’t an option. I’m proud of the way I’ve carried myself through the issues with my stepdaughter and have not ran. I’m proud of my increasing ability to express my desires and identify my fears. My list could continue for quite some time and that feels amazing. Walking in my shoes can be trying and hanging out in my mind can be exhausting but the days are adding up behind me and I’m looking forward to the days ahead.
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224 days. Had a video chat with my cousin this morning and it was great to catch up with her. Pre-covid she came out here to visit and is aware of the struggles with my stepdaughter. Describing this morning what has evolved gave me a feeling of progression. Talking to another woman, with whom I’m close to, about all this shit feels good. Being able to get it off my chest and be commended for my strength was really needed. As much as I want this relationship to work it’s important for me to acknowledge how hard it’s been and how far I have come. I’m hanging in there and the hard work is starting to pay off.
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Had a shit day and purposely isolated myself. Or did I have a shit day because I isolated myself? Trying to strive to enjoy my own company and then take it too far. Tomorrow’s a new day and back to restrictions on time spent in my bedroom.
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225 days. Thought I would be going to work today but it’s -28 & I don’t think it will be happening. It is supposed to warm up tomorrow and for the weekend so maybe I’ll get to work soon. I know it’s weather related but it feels like just another obstacle in my way. I know I don’t have control over the weather but dam it’s deflating. My isolation didn’t go unnoticed yesterday but talking about it made me feel kinda foolish. Fuck do I ever need something outside of this house to focus on. I feel like I’m getting nowhere lately and I’m utterly frustrated. I feel like I don’t have enough to fill my day and then I feel like I’m following my man around like a puppy. When I focus on keeping myself busy, I have a difficult time doing so without feeling removed from the family. Between the Covid restrictions and the weather limitations I am starting to feel trapped. When I was recently romanticizing my drinking days I was told to figure out what I’m running from. It’s not that I have anywhere to run to but I think I’m bored with my life and fear staying in this rut. I keep having dreams in which I’m single and living in my own lil apartment. In my dreams I seem so happy and carefree. When I wake up I feel anxious and stuck. I know nothing is going to change unless I change it but I’m truly feeling spent and lost finding opportunity to do so.
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Have such an urge to drink that it’s baffling. I have the means but will not take action. I have taken off for a ride in my Jeep and am currently overlooking a frozen lake. Prior to leaving the house I told my man about my strong urge and told him it’s not about him, the girls, his friend or anything to do with the household. He asked why and I replied that if I knew I would be able to deal with it but figuring it out is my mission. There are so many emotions flowing through me right now I couldn’t even pretend to pinpoint one at the forefront. I have this empty feeling that no relationship, job or location is relevant yet I want to run. Where or why isn’t even the first thought. I know my thoughts are jumbled but so am I right now.
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Going to drive to the city and go check out a donair place I’ve been wanting to check out for almost a year. H.A.L.T… . .the whole dam thing applies right now. Not ok but I will be.
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Hey Michelle, I’m sorry you’re struggling. This will pass. You’ve been making right decisions for over 200 days. Make today be another day of those. We know you have what it takes. Anything you’re facing will become beyond difficult if you picked up. Sending you positive vibes and friendly hugs 
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Can’t decide if I want to venture further into the city and aimlessly wander around or if I just want to go home and have a nap. The donair was amazing but I should have ordered a small lol. No longer hangry but now I’m full and tired. Rollercoaster of emotions have exhausted me again but I’m sober.
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I had to Google donair! Glad you treated yourself and enjoyed!
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226 days. Having a fuck you attitude today. The beer bitch brain took a toll on me yesterday. I was able to talk it out with a few peeps, including my man, but am still left baffled. I have had cravings, urges and two relapses in the past all of which had some feelings or triggers behind them. The beer bitch brain played with me yesterday in a way I haven’t experienced before. I’m glad I was able to tell her to fuck off and am going to try my best to spend no further time thinking about it. Fuck beer and fuck anyone who says or thinks this is easy.
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Fuck yeah, that’s it!
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I’m officially in uncharted territory and I’m fucking doing it. Fuck anybody who said I can’t do it. I’m fucken proud of myself.
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As the day comes to an end I’m in a comfortable mind space and feeling content. My man is back to work at 1am so he’s sleeping and I just tucked the girls into bed after watching a movie. Tomorrow I’m supposed to be doing insulation work so we’ll see how that pans out. Gonna play one video game and then crawl into bed for some cuddles.
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