OMG. . .the hugs are desperately needed. I feel like I’m falling apart at times and others I feel like an angry bitch. I’m just so tired of being told how negative I’m being when I’m trying to discuss my feelings. I’m tired of expressing my feelings and emotions and have nothing change. I wish I had the financial stability to just move out now. And what’s so terrible is I love him so much that I know it wouldn’t take much effort on his part for me to stay.
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Hey lady, How long will you be gone?
- If possible, use this time to find and appreciate all the wonderful things about you, that you do for yourself that brings you inner joy.
- Its interesting to me how often we require other peoples actions to determine how we feel. I use do it all the time and after 20 years have found that putting the pressure on my hubs to behave/act/ say what I need in the moment isnt fair to him. The past 10 years has been about carving my own path for my own joy. Yes I have joy with him, but I try to not put the pressure on him to detemine how I feel. As I dont want him to do that to me! Wayyy to much work! Not saying it doesnt happen, but when I catch myself expecting a reaction I do need to step back and realize that we are two very different people, with different visions and ideas.
Please forgive me if I am overstepping…You have put a lot into this relationship and family drama. It has sounded like he also has started to adjust his support of you based on what you have shared? Perhaps you both are tired of the funk, the routine? Maybe you two need rime for just you two?
It also sounds like you haven’t been able to get away for a long time, and that can be a bit scary when you suddenly have moments of loss. Perhaps, its not really about how much is given but the quality of what is given. Do you have things in your relationship that you find wonderful, give you joy? I encourage you to let go of this feeling that he is not giving enough while you are gone. I imagine he is also feeling his own feels. Come back after giving yourself space to breath and reflect. If there is a solid foundation, it can work. I speak from 20 years of marriage straight from high school and an almost divorce on year seven. Now…now we get that we are our own persons, who love each other, talk and find peace together and … spend time purposely alone, I go away for weekend all the time, and many time choose to not call right away:-)
Sorry I am rambling or if this does not resinate, I just wish you the best and hope that your future is what you are wanting.
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Thank you so much for this. I’m here at my friends until Friday and may go to my cousin’s for a day or two after. The weather will kind of dictate. I haven’t really got away for over a year and I too thought about that. I am trying to focus on myself and all the added drama recently has possibly pushed me over the edge. I think it may be best to have no conversation yet as there is so much anger at the moment I need to process. I also know it will do me good to just get living in the moment.
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So true! And wouldn’t it be easier if everyone saw things our way??
I think time away is the best idea. Amazing what clarity you can develop. Even if only for a few days. Plus the support of a good friend?? You are doing what you need to do.
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I know I want this relationship to work but I’m just tired of feeling like I have to fight for it. I give my man credit as I know he’s making an effort. I’m just going to take these days and clear my mind. No decisions to be made, no added pressures through expectations and just have some old fashioned fun. Going to have a nap now and then enjoy an afternoon and evening with my girlfriend.
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I love your response, nap well my friend!
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Hi Michelle,
I’ve just caught up with your thread. I think time apart may be good, and perhaps painful at times. It sounds like your head and your heart are having a bit of a battle. Taking time out may help you reconcile the differences. Remember, last time though, your heart won out and you were drawn back to him. Take as long as it takes. 
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My head and my heart are definitely battling. My heart is definitely with him and the girls but my head says I want and deserve better. Finding the balance and acceptance would be the key. In sobriety I’m learning a lot about my needs and desires and need to set boundaries and not settle. Trying not to think about it is worse than occasionally concentrating on it. Been doing some Netflix bingeing and having some good laughs with my friend. During my trip, I’m not going to bring anything serious up in conversation with my man but conversation needs to be and will be had when I decide to go home.
233 days. OMG I feel foolish for my shares here as I’m bouncing back and forth. My friend went to bed early last night and is still in bed so I’ve had quite a bit of time alone to think. I went through the pros and cons of this relationship and thought about what I’ve expressed as needs and desires. My needs in this relationship are met and my desires are something we are both working on. There are definitely more pros than cons and the majority of the cons could be addressed and/or are improving with time. As I am away and having conversations with my friend, it is apparent how important both my man and his girls are to me. I love them all dearly and am missing them already. I may change my mind and not go to my cousin’s house. When I talk to her, she automatically jumps to me leaving this relationship and encouraging me to do so. Right now I think I’m best to postpone the visit with her. I was also contacted yesterday by a friend who’s daughter needs a ride home. Turns out she will be getting dropped off tomorrow less than two hours from where I am. I’m thinking of offering to pick her up and bring her home. She lives less than half an hour from me. Talked to my man about it this morning and all he cares is that I get home safe. Some unpleasant weather with -30 temperatures and snow is on the way and I would rather be home than on the highway. Going to get in touch with my friend and possibly make an offer. If I end up bringing an extra home I may use that as my reason to not go visit my cousin.
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Your post brings me joy today for you! Drive safe, I will be thinking only of you tucked safe back at home.
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No need to feel foolish! You are processing a lot of information - emotions, sense of self, thoughts about your future - and there are never easy answers! Still proud of you, btw! 
please stay safe out there.
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Yes drive safe, girl. I hope you get the happiness you deserve. I want to ask him if he is in it for the long haul. I don’t think I could give my all in ALL that you’re doing unless I know it’s not just going to waste, so to speak.
You’ll figure it out, I’m glad you’re here and using us as a sounding board~! 
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Process away! And be safe. My vote is you head home before the bad weather. I have to wonder what’s in it for your cousin to encourage you to leave this relationship.
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Thank you all for being here as my sounding board. A day in my mind is never idle lol
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234 days. Had an amazing day with my girlfriend yesterday. The day was full of love and laughter and a lot of conversation. We have known each other for over 30 years and it’s so comforting knowing we can get together and just be ourselves. We have been through a lot together over the years and have stood by each other’s side. I’m not sure who benefited more from this trip as we both acknowledged that we needed each other. Visits like this need to happen more often between the two of us. I think it was a much needed reboot and uplifting time for us both. As I know I’m heading home today, I’m missing her already. I am however excited to be going home. My heart and mind have come together and I want this relationship. Not everyday is rainbows and butterflies and when it’s not I need to remind myself that it’s normal and my relationship isnt in jeopardy. I need to continue to work through my insecurities from past relationships and not expect this relationship to be 300% better. I need to stop the expectations period and just go with the flow. I need to stop the self sabotage and accept that my man loves me and together we’re working on a stronger family unit. Feeling a lil foolish but my lil getaway has allowed me to see and appreciate what I do have in this relationship. Time to stop picking it apart, appreciate what I have and show gratitude for the same.
Just going to finish my coffee, get some stuff ready and then head out for my almost 9 hour trip home.
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235 days. Ending the day feeling pretty good. Although the day was somewhat uneventful I kept myself busy. Had quite the conversation with my partner today and I have a lot to process. Going to work on it piece by piece and hopefully gain some peace.
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237 days. I’m really struggling and find myself fighting back tears. I’m trying to get in a positive headspace and feel like I’m failing. I’m trying my best but am feeling like I’m in the way and only bringing others down.
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You always make me cry girl! Thanks for being you and being here
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242 days. Trying my best to stay in the present and maintain positive vibes. I am noticing that expectations lead to misperceptions of hurt as do assumptions and I was stuck in a bad cycle of both. My relationship with my partner and with myself suffered but I’ve acknowledged it and am moving forward. My 8 months sobriety is on Tuesday and I still feel like a newbie and that’s ok. I’m learning along the way and haven’t made regrettable mistakes aside from my two relapses. I’m acknowledging this fucken pandemic as a true obstacle and am not going to measure success in terms of employment until this shit has settled. Off to watch a movie and then some good rest.
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