Any news yet, Michelle? I’ve had my fingers crossed all day.
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310 days. Have yet to hear about the position and just finished leaving a message for them to call me. Now the anxiety begins again. Need to do some tidying and keep my mind busy. Supper is planned and I’ll most likely not be eating. My stomach is also in knots as I talked to my ex. His responses make me see who the person he is, the person I was & the person I’m becoming in a different light. He asked why over a year, it’s actually almost 2, that I’m now saying it. I told him it was 12 years of fucked up and I’m healing. I really hope this is the last of my confronting this. Makes me really appreciate my man and his girls in my life. I want to be the best woman I can for the three of them and I’m on my way.
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311 days. Can’t believe I spent three anxious days and still heard nothing. Had an excellent interview this morning with a fourth place and had a previous interview contact me for references. All around I’m seeing a light at the end of the unemployment tunnel. I’m still feeling exhausted and am not sure if that’s emotional exhaustion or not. Had strong thoughts about drinking today and slid on my runners and popped in my earbuds and power walked. Had thoughts of my cousin, who recently passed, and had a good cry. Spent the day at home and was a pretty lazy day and I’m already ready to crawl into bed. Plans to go to the drive in tomorrow night so have that to look forward to.
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Things are definitely looking up for you in the employment area. I’m seeing the light at the end of your tunnel too. 
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Positive job vibes for you!!
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313 days. Having some odd thoughts cross my mind this morning and needed to put them here. Some conversation has been had lately about waiting for bad to happen when everything is going well. Why do we do this to ourselves? Although I’m not overjoyed with my current household situation, I’m happy with where I’m at in life and the accomplishments I’ve made in my sobriety. BUT, I sit here with this uneasy feeling that something is going to go wrong and I find myself bracing for pain. I’m not certain if this is past trauma rearing its ugly head or my fears. Either way, I need to break this apart and get myself out of this mindset.
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I don’t know what to say other than I feel ya, sister! I think it’s another one of those feelings we just have to sit with and process as well as we can. Either it will pass or we can try and find another way through. Hugs!
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This happens when we are not being mindful. If we live in the present moment there is no space for these thoughts and feelings.
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Squirt zoom meetings are a good outreach. Also fill your partner in on what u feel. They can be a great support
314 days. If the roommate doesn’t get out soon I’m going to kill him. As I’m tidying the house, sweeping and vacuuming he walks through the house with his shoes on. When he came back downstairs I politely told him I would appreciate if he didn’t wear his shoes in the house. My 9-year old informed me he was giving me the middle finger on his way out the door. So out the door I followed him. Told him not to express his feelings to me to or in front of the children. Told him he needed to grow the fuck up, get his own place and take care of himself. I’m sure he’s already pouting to my man and this time I wouldn’t give a shit but my man is at an interview. He has taken off in his car and I hope he doesn’t come back for a long time or he’s going to get blasted. I’m sick of his shit and I’m sick of his presence.
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What a man child! I’m getting hot in the face just reading this, especially doing that in front of children?! Omg.
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I will be having a serious sit down chat with my man about it. The continued blatant disrespect for me and the disregard for my step daughter’s innocence is the final straw. My man needs to step in before I do something I’m going to regret. I’m normally not an aggressive nor violent person but this piece of shit is making me see red and continues to wave his red flags in my face. I have been trying so hard to block his negativity and not respond to his immaturity but I’m losing my grip.
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316 days. I honestly feel like my life would be so peaceful if the roommate wasn’t in it. Cutting ties etc. with him has been so difficult with him still here. Even my man has agreed that it’s not my actions that are the problem. He wishes we would get along better and I’ve told him I have no desire to have any relationship with him and will continue to stand my ground for myself and the girls. I pray that this continuing to go on will allow my man to see that asking the roommate to leave is in everyone’s best interest. I will try my best to ignore his presence but sometimes even his breathing has me irritated and anxious.
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317 days. Was preparing myself for an anxious day tomorrow waiting for the call if I got the job in town. New type of anxiety as I got the call, they would like to offer me the job and I’m scheduled to meet the Mayor and discuss details tomorrow afternoon. Where I should be bursting with joy I find myself melancholy. Part of me is scared to get back into the workforce as sober me and part of me fears the ability it will give me to leave this house should I choose. I am absolutely in love with my man and his girls but honestly don’t know how much more I can handle the roommate’s bad vibes. It’s like I feel my energy drain when he’s in my presence. Several times today I removed myself as to not be around him. The whole scenario makes me want to cry and I feel like such a pussy for not just being able to coexist with him. It’s getting to the point again where I don’t even want to be at home and I don’t know how to express this. Hopefully a lot will change in my world once I accept this job offer. If all goes well tomorrow afternoon, I will come home the Administrator of my village.
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Big, big stuff, Michelle. First of all, congratulations - this is a really big deal and I hope you can dig deep and feel some pride at your accomplishment! Next, remember to take things a step at a time, just like recovery you’re going day by day. Get the job, get established and you can make the next decision when the time comes, but you don’t have to have it all figured out right now. I’m really happy for you, because you’re about to have a lot more freedom to make decisions for YOU.
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Thanks Amiga. I am feeling pride but at the moment I’m sitting alone with tears free flowing down my cheeks. It’s such a emotional release right now to realize I’ve done it, I’m here and I’m on my way to being self sufficient again and will soon be one year sober.
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Well earned release, chica. You’ve worked hard to get where you are, and I’m super proud of you!
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First, Congratulations on the job. Big! HUGE! Exciting! Understandably you are emotional. Think of where you were last year on this day! I wasn’t on TS then, but something tells me you were in a bad place. But now!! The possibilities are many. And @RosaCanDo gave you great advice. The comparison to handling this like recovery was spot on. But then again…Rosa ALWAYS gives fab advice. She is one smart 
! As are you!! 
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Congratulations sis F**K YEAH!!! Not that I’m a guru or anything but maybe look up some guided meditations on YouTube about grounding and most importantly, creating an energy shield around you. It’s worked for me in the past. So happy for you!!! 
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318 days. As I’m preparing to go meet the Mayor and review the job offer the good news keeps coming. My man just got the call that he got the job and starts on Monday. His offer to purchase the house has also been accepted and we’re awaiting an appointment with the bank. Everything is coming into place and it’s so uplifting. Now it’s the girls I’m concerned about. With online learning and the lil one being only four we are going to need an in-house sitter. I voiced my concern and don’t want to need or give the roommate reason to stay with us and therefore am not keen at all about approaching him to babysit. The oldest has less than two months of school left and I will be racking my brain trying to figure out how we can do this without the roommate. The thought of leaving the girls with him makes me cringe. Should be an exciting time and instead I’m feeling stressed.
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