Congratulations sis that’s AWESOME!!!
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330 days. Feeling unsettled today. Now that I’ve made my decision, I need my man to make his. I have not given him an ultimatum but have asked him to make a choice. My heart hurts and I’m trying to not allow my mind to cycle through the scenarios. Thankfully I have work again today so can divert my attention to something else.
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Stay strong and keeping your mind busy will help.
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331 days. Sitting here feeling like my heart’s going to beat out of my chest yet feeling extremely giddy like I just pulled off a good prank. Backtrack a bit but yesterday I told my man I don’t like to give ultimatums nor is one intended but he had to make a choice. I told him my decision is for me to move out if the roommate is staying and now he needed to make a choice. Either we carry on with our life as our lil family and the roommate gets his own place or the roommate stays and I carry on with my life without him and the girls. Again he has said he will talk to the roommate but this time I have given him a time limit to do so. This morning I handed the roommate a housing application and stated I didn’t know where he was planning on moving but here’s an application for housing. The shocked look on his face absolutely lit up mine. I’m sure he will initiate some form of conversation with my man about this and this time I’m looking forward to it. Whine away ass smack cuz this time I’m not backing down. I believe 3 months is a good amount of time to find a place so if he’s not gone by August I will look for my own place. This is my bottom line and there’s no backing down or compromises this time. This is me loving me and those who don’t like it can literally fuck off!
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You’re being more than reasonable with giving him 3 months. That’s more than enough time to find other accommodations. So proud of you for standing up for yourself.
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You go, amiga!!! 
LOL and I mean that as in “you rock” “you’re a badass” 
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@Lisa07 & @RosaCanDo I so appreciate your presence in my life, or as I share it here. Posted on the daily check in about being steady on my feet. Really am fighting a lot of anxiety and feeling wobbly though. Honestly not sure what way this will go and if I’ll hurt myself while loving me. Doing what’s right might lead me to what feels like nothing left. Trying hard not to think about the what ifs as I know the rabbit holes my self-sabotaging mind can go down and I know that’s when the beer bitch brain kicks in and she can fuck right off.
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332 days. As suspected the roommate went crying to my man saying he is trying to save for dentures etc. and can’t afford to get his own place. Thankfully my man told him he needs to get himself set up on his own. I reiterated that I will not back down and August is the deadline. I sense my man’s understanding of my stance and he has been quite loving the past few days. Time to respect what you have or it could be gone is a reality at the moment. Off to work shortly and am going to have another beautiful day. Sobriety rocks and one day at a time I’m even surprising myself.
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340 days and I really need out of this funk. Off to help clean out a family home that’s being sold. Hope to hell the roommate isn’t joining us. Looking forward to seeing some in the family I haven’t had opportunity to see in over 12 years but have maintained some contact via Facebook. My house is a mess and I’m off to clean the other one in twoish hours. Gonna blast some tunes with earbuds in and stay in my own lil world whilst cleaning what I call my corner. Leaving this here as a good reminder to myself.
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342 days. Late start and haven’t scrolled through and checked in on the main thread yet. Sitting with some odd feelings and needed to put some shit out here. I’m going through a lot of mood swings lately and yesterday it was commented my mood is different daily. I replied each day is different and subsequently so is my mood. This is what’s going on and I’m not sure how comfortable I am with the swings. I know I don’t want the flatness that medication leaves me in. Today I find myself needy and wishing to be clingy neither of which are fulfilled as I isolate myself from everyone. Why do I sit alone when I’m feeling lonely? The buildup of emotions over the past few days is reaching it’s limit and I need to find an outlet. Today is normally my cleaning day and I have absolutely no desire to clean yet feel anger when I see the clutter and clean-up required. Thought I may go visit my son but the probability of that is looking slim. Gonna head over to the main check in thread and then maybe find a good dramatic movie that I can shed some tears. Need to eat something and I’m sure some sleep isn’t a bad idea either.
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Feel this on so many levels.
Winnie the Pooh got me through night before last. Hope you feel better when you wake up.
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Hey Michelle,
I feel for you. Emotions can get overwhelming. That’s one of the things I’m working on in therapy. I’ve had a lot of them recently too. Thank you for your kind words a couple of days ago. It means a lot that there are people who see me and my struggle. I hope you have a good start for your week.
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349 days. Having a tough one today in anticipation of my birthday. I’m sitting here already feeling rejection and wanting to escape. My heart hurts like tomorrow is already passed and nobody made an effort. My body already feeling angry at the lacking display of affection. As I’m sitting here feeling like this I know it’s something I need to work on but I’m not sure where to even start. It’s my day off today and I’m going to try and keep myself busy and stay out of my head, for I know if I don’t it will quickly become a day of self-sabotaging.
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Make a cake, decorate and play loud music! You don’t need anyone’s approval or lack there of to celebrate YOU!!! 
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I seriously want to get to that point but atm feel like I’m rejected when someone so important in my life can’t make the effort.
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Hi Michelle 
I haven’t talked to you in forever! Happy Birthday! I’ve had so many birthdays growing up that just plain sucked. It was heart wrenching when my mother told me the day of my birth was one of the saddest days in her life. Ya. That happened. And my ex never did squat, although I have him numerous parties and gifts. Anyway, about twenty years ago, I decided that I was going to do this on my own terms! I do what I want on MY birthday! Screw everyone else!!! It’s about me right? You should do the same gf!!! You go do you!!! Shop, movie, food, etc. And next year, book a flight six months in advance and plan your own FAB bday! This year, in turning 50…where? In Ireland baabbyy. You got this! Have FUN!
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@DLS & @Ravikamor I appreciate your suggestions and do intend changing me for me.
Today I need to work through these feelings. Often when writing or talking something out I see the foolishness in my thoughts but these are tough deep rooted emotions. During my life I have been abandoned &/or perceived to have been abandoned and still need to work on some inner child and survivor of domestic abuse issues. When someone does something special for and about me it feels huge no matter how small the gesture. When I feel something is special for me I want to share with others. I know others’ actions and acknowledgments of me, or lack thereof, is a reflection of them and not me BUT my heart doesn’t see it that way. At these times when others’ actions or acknowledgments are lacking I make it about me. I recoil and return to fear/aggression ways. Their lacking shows my unworthiness, my unimportance and before they can hurt me further I want to run away. Then I can be alone and hurt myself further by telling myself this is all true. I want to not need others to make me feel special but on days like tomorrow I’m going to feel rejected no matter how I celebrate myself.
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I saw the hurt in the person’s eye whom I told hurt me. Because of this, I want to say oh it’s okay don’t think about it and carry on like all is good. BUT clear and sober me needs to say this is how you hurt me, this is what I need from you so I don’t hurt for this again. The beer bitch brain has stepped in on and off all day and I will repeatedly tell her to fuck off. I won’t drink because I don’t drink. Now to gain some balls and say what I need to say knowing I will most likely try to isolate tomorrow even if that’s a good thing. I will stay in the moment the best I can, try to get a good sleep tonight and busy my mind at work tomorrow.
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I agree sometimes it can be if it is saving you from more potential hurt.
There are ways in which you can do that though in healthier manners. I understand that you aren’t quite at the place where you can say " Fuck everyone, I don’t need you, I know I am worth this!" But maybe you are at the place where instead of closing yourself in your room and ruminating in negative feelings you can get outside and have an icecream. You are not the same person you were this time last year. You have a lot more skills to get through these exact types of situations. Now is the time you want to dig deep in that bag of tools and pull out one you have been saving for a day like tomorrow. As uncomfortable as it feels today looking at what will come tomorrow I know you are going to get through it. Don’t forget to keep your eyes in the present moment, not in the past, not in the future… stay in the present. 
( no pun intended )
Big hugs hunny, wish we could all go out for a nice dinner.
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