Hey Michelle! Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I don’t like my birthdays much, always happy to get the day behind me. Hope your day goes well.
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Happy Birthday Michelle.
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Hey Michelle! I don’t know how your day has been but you’re definitely WORTH a celebration, a cake, songs and the whole nine yards.
I’m proud that you talked about your hurt with this person you care about. It’s important that you don’t walk over yourself by ignoring your boundaries. I hope you get things settled.
I had to do something similar a while ago, so I think I get you. Unfortunately, in my case, they walked away.
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Happy birthday, Michelle! 
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Happy Birthday Michelle!! 
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351 days. Thank you all for the birthday wishes yesterday. I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Started my day really rough yesterday but as the day progressed and I was able to sit with my feelings I went to bed feeling loved. We went to the city last night for supper and then a bit of shopping and picked out my cake. The girls were already in bed when we got home and my man asked if it was ok to save the cake for today. The first thing the wee one asked this morning was if they missed my birthday cake. She was so happy they didn’t and that she gets to sing to me after supper tonight; this alone warmed my heart. Also, after expressing my hurt, my man surprised me with a card and gifts before going to bed last night. His words written on the card had me in tears again but this time they were happy tears.
Off to the city shortly for an orthodontist consult as I have a large gap between my two front top teeth. I’m excited to have made this appointment as my exes Harley payments were priority before. Making myself a priority in any scenario feels so good and today’s going to be a great day.
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Michelle! I’m so happy to hear this!!! Hooray!
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358 days. In about 6 weeks my deadline for the roommate to move out will be upon us. I can’t help but feel anxious and am trying my best to keep it off my mind and stay in the moment. However some days I’m riddled with fear that I will be the one to move out. When I get stuck in theses thoughts an overwhelming feeling of loss surfaces. Really all I can do now is wait. I have voiced my stance, voiced my boundaries and have committed to loving myself. I pray that my commitment won’t be put to the test. Putting this out here in hopes I can leave it for at least today. All I have is today and it’s in my power to make it a good one. Off to work now knowing my mind will be distracted and busied untill late this afternoon.
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Sitting in my room alone feeling like I’m going to burst. I feel such pent up emotions and not sure whether I want to scream or cry. Is it the lacking me time? Is it the lacking alone time with my man? Is it the upcoming roommate deadline? Is it my upcoming milestone? Perhaps it’s a combination of them all. I just know I need to ride this through somehow as I feel like I’m losing it. Thankfully it’s my day off tomorrow. I will rest as much as I can and only do what’s necessary and right now that’s not going to include any household cleanup. I’m awaiting a response from my son to see if we can do supper and hang out tomorrow. If not I think I might go indulge in some retail therapy after my man gets home from work. I have a feeling I’ll also be spending a good amount of time on TS tomorrow. Whatever it takes I need to get through this as I don’t want to bite at somebody nor do I wish to bawl uncontrollably. Atm one of the two feels inevitable. Plan to watch one more episode of my show and tuck myself into bed. Tomorrow is a new day.
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359 days I’m tired of the rollercoaster of emotions and just want to step off the ride for a while. I’m feeling emotionally overcharged and unstable. I won’t drink because I don’t drink but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling. Over 7 hours to go before I can go hang out with my son and have supper. Today is feeling like I’m taking one minute at a time and even one minute feels like forever to pass. I’m at home with the girls today so can’t take off for a drive and can’t sleep the time away. I’m not okay today and am trying to be okay with that. The thought of not doing housework brings upon feelings of guilt and the thought of doing housework brings upon feelings of anger. Maybe I should put my earbuds in and do some angry cleaning. I know I need to eat but can’t even stomach the thought of food right now. My anxiety levels are at an ultimate high resulting in the shakes, nausea and diarrhea. I need to make myself a small to do list of things I need to get done as a resident of this province but am lacking motivation of any sort. I seriously just want to escape but know I can’t hide from myself. FML it’s going to be a long ass day.
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Holy fuck, I’m not sure how much more I can take. This is going to be a long one but I need to explain the background. When I first came here almost 2 years ago I was just visiting and was here alone with the dogs. This lady comes into the yard and in my space proceeds to bitch about my friend’s (my man now) dog. I basically said Who the fuck are you and where the fuck did you come from. Not one word further has been exchanged since then. This woman is nosy and knows everyone’s business. We have even nicknamed her Google and the neighbors sister WiFi noting they know it all and tell it all. Last month she came into my work and was quite rude when advised I was taking over after my co-worker’s retirement. I immediately disclosed my one time “incident” with her and noted I felt she would complain about me. Sure enough she came in, during the hour prior to my start and basically complained that I got the job noting I had an out of province plate and lil tiffs. I was told basically not to worry about her and few have shared they don’t like her. Soooooo. . .today having a rough one and as I’m sitting in my camper chainsmoking she pulls up across the street, as she does multiple times a day, and begins to complain about my front yard. I go barreling out of the camper loudly asking what her issue is with me? She says she doesn’t even know me. I replied EXACTLY just mind your own business. More was discussed regarding my lawn and it’s all remains of an ice storm and it’s cleanup has been discussed and will be completed by the Village. . .the Village is very busy with cleanup and regular seasonal duties. Anyway. . .I walked away and returned to the camper. The cunt continued to bitch about my front yard to the other neighbor. It took my all to not go out there and shut her mouth. Long story short but RCMP have been notified of her disturbing antics this morning. If she does anything of this sort again I will be filing a complaint of perhaps several sorts as I know my rights. I’m sitting here in deeper discomfort than I already was and I’m definitely not comfortable. The minutes aren’t going by any fucking faster either. I won’t drink because I don’t drink but FUCK I want to.
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Michele, I’m so sorry you are having a rough time of things. Today definitely sounds like a one minute at a time kinda day. Please take care of yourself. Don’t fret that mean lady. Hang in there.
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Mmmmmm… you have a lot going on!
I can totally see why you feel so anxious and overwhelmed.
With age has come the wisdom that dealing with people like that is pointless. They will continue on with their bullshit regardless of your threats, attention or lack there of. So best you do what is best for you which is just ignore her, keep an inner peace. You know you are working on getting your yard cleaned up and that’s all that matters. There is no explanation necessary for the peanut gallery. I know when you are already feeling on edge it’s difficult not to react to someone who is already under your skin but she serves you no purpose but to piss you off. Try to let it go.
Spending time with your son sounds like a much better way to focus your attentions this afternoon.
Why don’t you sit and get you mind settled by writing a list of all the amazing things that your recovery has blessed you with this last 359 days. Bet you can find 359 things.
Milestones are hard… dig deep you will make it because you are strong and you do not fucking drink anymore.
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Michelle, sounds like you have a lot of emotional build up. How do you vent? I don’t mean distracting yourself with other stuff but actually letting emotions come out?
Drinking won’t do the trick but you know that already.
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Wow, Michelle! You’ve got a lot going on right now. I don’t know how I can help but I wanna reach through the phone and choke that bitch out. Please know your posts are being received and I wish there was something I could do to help. Hugs! 
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I’m glad your on our team 
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When I’m feeling full of anger type emotions I like to drive down the valley atop of a hill and scream as loud as I can. When I’m feeling full of sadness or on the verge of tears I watch a good drama movie and hopefully the tears flow from the movie content. I do have others and yes I do release my emotions but I honestly just wish I had someone to talk to that just listened. This thread gives me the release at times too. @Lisa07 I’m so proud of my restraint as I definitely had thoughts of laying her out. Instead of fists or words I withdrew and that’s kinda new to me and was tough to do.
@Dolse71 There’s a team now eh?
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