393 days Feeling a lil apprehensive but I officially submitted a housing application today. They meet on Tuesday so I should hear something later next week. I’m not necessarily making concrete plans but am exploring my options. I have already gone over in my head, likely a hundred times, how I want to discuss this with my man. However he lost an Uncle on the weekend and his service is tomorrow. I have work tomorrow evening and then his son will be here for a few days. I want to be able to talk to him without anyone around and no specific time limit but I have put him as a reference on my housing application and fear the Housing Authority contacting him before I’ve even had a chance to talk to him. Not sure my choice to list him was the best choice but he has technically been my landlord for almost 2 years. He’s currently at prayers for his Uncle so it’s not an option to discuss this evening either. Guess I’ll just have to roll with the punches and hope if Housing contacts him it all doesn’t blow up in my face. My moods are like I’m on a teeter totter but I’m doing better than I expected. I pray that I’m doing the right thing.
Nothing wrong at all with submitting the application. You are doing great things in sobriety. You seem much more self-assured over the last few months. Really admire you.
399 days. My normal would be drinking instead of sitting in the feelings I am at the moment with tears flowing down my face. I’m not doing too well with any of the feelings but will not drink cuz I do not drink. Instead I will stand in the rain, rinsing myself and spirit as I attempt letting the hurt out.
Sweet girl. Those are rough moments and hard to deal but eventually… This too will pass. Probably won’t help rn, sorry.
Sending you all the hugs
400 days. Realizing these feelings and moments are only going to pass if I get up off my ass and do something. I expressed this morning that I’m tired of sharing my thoughts and feelings and hearing nothing. I said I won’t assume but after multiple times it becomes seen as not caring. Rather than focusing on the negative and the things I don’t want in my life it’s about time I cut ties with the negativity and move on. I’m sitting at work bored as fuck with cramps in my toes and fingers waiting to hear from Housing Authority. Life has been such a rollercoaster of emotions and I’m ready to move out and move forward. I’m scared as fuck but again I’m going to look at the move as me starting fresh and giving myself some space. I said before I was leaving but not leaving them; now I think it’s both. Losing what I love to love myself doesn’t seem like such a high price as I’m seeing my one-sided efforts. I won’t drink cuz I don’t drink but fuck would I embrace numbness right now.
My heart breaks for you girl. Such difficult decisions but seems like they need to made. You love them and that is precious and yet, you need to love yourself too. Sometimes self love is a series of tough decisions. And you don’t drink because you don’t drink. My inbox is open, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you want.
I’m so fucking proud of you sis! I know we haven’t talked much recently but I want you to know that you have come so far from where you were it’s fucking amazing! Keep up the good work and fantastic job choosing you!!! Love you!
Hi Lady! I am so sorry you are experiencing this pain, but I am beyond proud of you for taking this step. It is time. Will be sending prayers your way for strength and courage.
Good thing I ate breakfast and lunch cuz if I ate anything now it would come right back up. I’m a bundle of nerves but in a more positive light. I have been officially told I have housing August 1st and my dog is welcome. It’s going to be tight financially but will be so worth it mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Many thoughts are going through my mind as I rehearse what I want to say to both him and the girls. My mind is all over the place. I have extended him an invite to chat and if he doesn’t want to I’m good with that but am preparing for what I’m going to say.
Wrote this to him yesterday and probably shouldn’t share it here but meh. . .
Anyway. . .I am feeling like he chose the roommate over me but I’m quite shocked and proud of myself for me choosing me and taking this step.
Congratulations on the housing approval and for putting yourself first for a change. 
Journeys require movement… you’re making some big moves at the right time. You are out of your first year, you have put in so much effort, you have tried all different angles of approach with him, there is nothing you have not done Michelle except take care of yourself. It’s your turn now…good lord it is going to feel so good once you get settled. I am so excited for you, and the growth you have had in this last year is just huge.
Really happy for you and welcome to the 400 club!!!
402 days. I know it’s alright to feel sad when making the right decision but the sadness is overwhelming today. Feelings of rejection and abandonment are strong and despite efforts I’m having a hard time staying out of my head. Hopefully soon feelings of excitement will outweigh the sadness but I honestly don’t see that happening anytime soon. How do I leave the one I love and maintain hope for our future?
I’m so stinking proud of you for putting yourself first. At this point, I believe it will be up to him to reach out to you if he wants to maintain your relationship and he will have to do whatever it takes. But you Have made it very clear that you love him and the girls. It’s time for him to take the action and I hope you leaving will snap some sense into him. Or, your paths will lead you where they will. Sending strength and love.
If it’s meant to be it will be, Michelle. I know that doesn’t help much rn but in the big picture, the universe is working in your favor sweetie.
Hugs for you today…
Wow that is so beautifully written I love it! Congratulations!!!
Sending you strength Michelle, I’m so proud of you 
407 days Although I wasn’t quite ready to admit, I’m beginning to accept I need to be back on medication. My mood swings have become ridiculous and I have chosen to not make any life changes or decisions until I get back on “track” and mentally balanced. When I went to view the rental the other night I almost passed out from a panic attack. The panic didn’t derive from fear but from an overwhelming feeling I was doing the wrong thing and didn’t want to do it. Yesterday I almost quit my job! Undeserved, disrespectful drama at the workplace. Pondering many things but alas it could be a life altering decision. Awaiting provincial health care so I can go for a consult and obtain a prescription. For now I am doing my best to keep it simple and keep in the moment and out of my head. Not drinking is the easy part.
Getting back on meds sounds like a sensible plan. I hope you get a suitable one from the get go. If you can stand living in the house while you re-evaluate, might be good…?
I was on one medication for many years and plan to return to a smaller dose. Moving out is one of the things I will not think about until I’m mentally balanced. I may contemplate employment changes but not sure of that either as that is a life altering change.
408 days Overcoming my fear this evening is in my best interest. If I can replace my fear with faith this meeting will do me good. Today has been one hour at a time and emotionally all over the place. I do best when I stay in the moment but am spending too much time in my head as I’m spending much time alone.