I hope when he comes to talk that he lays out a plan to remove her from the house and bring you home. If he doesn’t have a plan then his heart is obviously in the wrong place. Hoping for the best!
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That is awfully sweet of you but I don’t think I’ll be going back. He said he wishes none of this went down this way but I’ll wait to hear how/what he sees going forward. I love him tremendously but am slightly preparing for us to be over. That kills me inside but I tend to view the worst case scenario.
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I think you being in your own place is finding peace for yourself, no matter what you two decide.
Im glad to hear you’re doing ok.
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Thank you checking in. Good that you made a self care plan 
Did get any rest during the night? You really don’t need to make any big decisions before you’re feeling more stable. IMO, don’t move back in with him if he’s going to keep treating you like another roommate instead of an equal partner. You are in my thoughts today.
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I hope you’re doing okay today Michelle. I was following along with all your posts yesterday but unfortunately didn’t have time to respond because of work.
Thinking of you 
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Oh man, I am just getting caught up here and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this crap. And that’s what it is. CRAP. You, well, nobody really deserves this treatment. Like Olivia said, if you’re not being treated like an equal partner then what the hell is the point of the relationship?! I’m sending you massive hugs and love. I can’t tell you what to do, but I think you’re better off out of there. It’s a sunk cost fallacy at this point, yes you’ve invested everything but it’s no longer worth it if you’re being treated so poorly. I’m sorry you are going through this, chica. Please hang in there. We are all supporting you as best we can. I hope your days are brighter soon.
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457 days Made it through yesterday sober. Didn’t get a lot of sleep but did get some food into me. I have to go to work tomorrow and the thought alone is making me anxious. I am going to look at a house at 5 and am scared shitless. I know this is probably best for me but anything right now to do with moving forward alone is breaking my heart. I somehow need to love myself and embrace this space and time apart. We haven’t broke up but I’m really not sure what there is to save or if I have anything left in me. I still feel so completely drained and unable to focus. I guess the cunt got what she wanted and I’m left to pick up my pieces and survive like I have always done. I would give anything for even a temporary escape from how I’m feeling but know drinking will only make everything worse. I need to ride out these shitty feelings, cry when I need to, scream when I want to and just give myself some credit for getting out of bed today. I’m going to try to work my courage up to do a lil grocery shopping after I look at the house. I can see myself gaining some pounds back as I crave junk food right now. But fuck it, as long as I’m sober I’m giving myself freedom to do or eat anything that makes me feel good right now.
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Glad to see you made it through last night. Kicking screaming, crying and eating is a much better choice. Do whatever you have to do to come out the other side sober. I know you don’t want to go to work right now but it may just get your mind off things for a little bit. Take whatever mental relief you can get. Keeping you in my thoughts.
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Wow I just got caught up on this too… that is alot Michelle and I am damn glad you came back to the forum when you did. I feel like most of the chaos in your life stems from that individual you have been partnered with. Sorry but I can not go so far as call him a man. It has been one thing after another in your life and at the center of it all has been him. I believe that as hard as it may feel right now, once you have processed this and accepted it you will look back and think " what the fuck…"
Keep you head up. You are worthy of a relationship where you are treated as the best thing since sliced bread. You will get that, just not from him. 
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Girl, you are so amazing to be here and sharing. Well done, you! I hope this helps to be here. We love you.
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I second this; we are sisters in sobriety so you’re stuck with us! 
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Well, I found a place and will be moving in as early as next weekend. Things are going to be tight but I will make it work somehow. Went grocery shopping and came home hungry. Had an odd supper consisting of meat, cheese, crackers, fruit and pop tarts for dessert. At least I ate. Have had a shower and am getting ready for bed shortly. Not looking forward to it, but will be going to work tomorrow. Am looking forward to my 3-day weekend as I plan to do a whole lot of nothing with a whole lot of Netflix and Prime. I am going to stay at my coworkers until I move into my new place.
I want you to know that I appreciate all of you ladies, @DLS , @Lisa07 , @Its_me_Stella , @RosaCanDo & @Olivia . I agree with you all in that I was being unfairly treated and staying within a toxic environment. I am trying my best to look at this move as a positive but am nowhere near ready to fully end this relationship. Baby steps but I’m making them.
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Hello girl. Good to hear you’ve found a place so quickly. Baby steps are good. Take as much time as you need until you start seeing things clearly and can make decisions. I’m sorry your heart is broken. Sending you hugs.
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458 days. I’ve only slept a few hours and have a massive headache from crying. Having a coffee and need to get ready and go to work. I pray that the day goes fast and that nobody comes to the office and has to see me this way. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this but I just wish my life was over and I didn’t have to feel anything. I know this is irrational thinking but it’s where I’m at right now. May the Great Spirit guide my baby steps through today and allow me to lay a sober head upon my pillow tonight.
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Sending you all the good vibes I have today, amiga. You can get through the day. 
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Oh sweety. I hope you’re managing your day. It’s quite natural for us to want to get away from pain, so I can understand your thoughts. I wish I could pour ointment and balm over your broken and raw heart. We’re here in your pocket and your purse. Every minute you get through is a victory. You will survive this.
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458 days and checking in again. Didn’t end up going into work. I know I could and probably should be stronger right now but I feel broken and shattered. Time is needed before I feel any type of better. A local town needs assistance for the next two weeks and I said I couldn’t do it. I can’t take on anything else or my fight against the Beer Bitch Brain is going to be even harder. I’m so proud of myself for not drinking right now. I also know that adding any form of stressor on top of work, school and life could cause a literal breakdown. Right where I was in July 2019 is a place I never in my life want to be again. I may not be drinking this time but I know when to say too much is too much. It’s time to focus on me. What I like. What I enjoy. What makes me happy. None of the answers will be a who. But right now I’m going to take the time to grieve so that I may fully move forward.
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Finally! So freakin proud of you! That’s huge progress right there.
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459 days. Although I’ve been struggling some I am still winning over the Beer Bitch Brain. I’m trying not to sit in my feelings too long and have started to come out of my fog. Thankfully I have three full days before I have to return to work AKA the real world. I’m trying to figure out what to do with my day and am supposed to be going to the drive in tonight with . . .shit I don’t even know what to call him. You’re right @Its_me_Stella I can’t call him my man. Not sure if I can even call him my friend right now. I took some time to write this and wanted to put it here so I may go back to it & continue to reflect where I’m at.
Dear Me,
I know you’re hurting right now but with time the hurt will fade. You have the power to be strong and come through the other side stronger and sober. You are a beautiful woman with many great qualities and if someone can’t cherish and respect you, they don’t deserve you. You have worked very hard over the last year and having entered a new relationship, including taking on the roll of stepmom, there was/is nothing wrong with your desire to have it be just the four of you in your home. Your strong effort, attention and love for this relationship and “family” is evident and if/when it ends you need to know that you gave it your all and tried everything you could. DO NOT view yourself as a failure. You must see how much you have grown through the trials and tribulations of this past year and give yourself credit. Neither the drama nor toxicity was created by you. You reacted to it and removing yourself is something you need to view as positive. You have a huge heart and your love deserves to be reciprocated. Right now, you need to turn your love inward and love yourself. You need to figure out what you want, like and enjoy in life. Don’t focus on the who, focus on the what, when and where you find yourself happy. Start coloring again. Start writing poetry and stick to your journaling. Weather permitting, get out there with earbuds in and walk around. Embrace this new home that you’re moving into and enjoy expressing yourself as you get it set up. As you finally unpack all those boxes and go through your things, take a walk down memory lane with the items that make you smile. Repack the items that evoke sadness, anger or anxiety. Take this time for YOU. Don’t focus on whether he has called or texted. If he wants to maintain contact, he will. Don’t force anything because you know when it’s forced it’s most likely bullshit. If he truly loves you, he will make the effort to have you in his life. If he doesn’t, that’s on him and you need to keep going. See this time and space as an opportunity to start over. I know you’ve been here before but let him make the moves this time. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
Stay strong and true. You’ve got this.
Love,
Me
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Michelle, this letter is beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. I am glad that you can see the truth in the story, sometimes I wonder if we get caught in the storm and lose sight of what is really happening. It looks like you know very well what you need to do to move forward. I will be walking beside you as will many others.
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