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I love that letter to yourself. Keep your head up high, like you said you will come out of this stronger and still sober, regardless of the outcome.
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Wow, those words you are saying to yourself are beautiful, deep and very, very costly. I’m learning so much from you, sweet girl. I wish you peace, serenity and joy for your new home. I’m here too, anytime you need.
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I went to his house to get some of my things. As I arrived the whole household was getting ready to go to the lake for a weiner roast & possible swim. It is 30+ here today. The wee one asked if I would like to come and I replied that I couldn’t as I had some things to do. It took my all to not cry. Because they were leaving I really had no time to talk to him. He indicated we were still going to the drive in and would call me later. There was a bit of an attitude from the oldest about us going out but that is to be expected. How is she supposed to react in this situation? My inner child would side with my blood parent too. If we stay together, I anticipate my relationship with the oldest backtracking and becoming worse before it gets better. As I entered what was formally our bedroom, to collect some things, I started to have my first of a few panic attacks. I grabbed as much as I could off my list and booked it out of there. I am now back at the house I’m staying at and have forgotten to grab shorts & my colouring shit. I look forward to the days of a clear and centered mind.
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Was the ex going too?
If so it’s so bizarre that he’s letting things to roll out this way.
Idk if I’d want to go to a drive in and be stuck in the car in case I wanted to leave, 
Stay strong, he should be kissing your feet the way he let this play out.
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Hey Michelle, how are you doing? 
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MICHELLE!!! 🙋💚
I hope all is well there!
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Michelle dear,
you probably have many things going on. Whatever it is, you will survive it.
Whatever it costs, it won’t be as valuable your sober life and mental health.
You are an inspiration, even in your struggles.
You are amazing, worth loving and cherishing.
You deserve to have a safe home and your boundaries respected.
Stay true my friend
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Miss you, Michelle. Hopefully, you’re getting all settled in your new place. Sending you peace, love and strength. 
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463 days I’m trying to be ok and the truth is I’m not. Nobody or no thing can assist with my healing right now except for time. It has been over a week since the incident and a week since I left the house. Although I feel more stable I am still shattered. I made it through the past two days at work. Tomorrow will be a busy one at work & studying for my exam Friday and tomorrow night is a council meeting. Friday I get the keys to my new place and move in on the weekend. He has been to see me twice this week but starting tonight I’m trying my best to not reach out to him via text or call. It is proving difficult but I want to know he’s making an effort and at the same time I’m tired of him holding all the cards and feeling like I’m left hanging and hoping all the time. I absolutely don’t want to but I wish I could just let go. I’m holding on in pain because I still have hope. Maybe I’m fucked in the head but it’s where I’m at.
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Countless times throughout our relationship I have explained how much good night’s, good byes and good mornings mean to me. Recently I told him if he can’t take less than 5 minutes to say good night and show effort that maybe he’s the one that’s not worth it. Tonight I fell asleep early and woke to no messages, no calls or anything. Deep within I know this is my sign. I need to let go. His lacking effort says more than words can say. My heart hurts but I’m full of anger. Tomorrow/today is going to be one of the longest days this week and now I’m up at 3am feeling unsettled and physically sick. I couldn’t stop myself and texted him that his lacking effort is more than words can say. I feel so broken right now. I should be seeing him as the broken one and not worth the effort but instead I sit here wondering why I’m not enough.
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It shows you love with your whole heart, Michelle. I know no words will ease the pain, it lessens with time.
Big hugs, sweetie. 
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I’m so glad you’re here posting, Michelle, and I’m in awe of your strength. You might not feel it, but you are one strong woman to be taking action right now for a better tomorrow. Just hang in there, ODAAT, using your personal agency to continue to improve your situation and things will get better ❤️🩹
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I’m no expert on relationships but saying good morning and good night really shouldn’t be that difficult. If he’s not ready to learn new habits I doubt he’s ready to grow in his character either, for whatever reason.
Those reasons are his, it’s not about you. You are more than enough but he is blind to see it, it seems.
I’m glad you’re checking in. We care, Michelle.
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Hey Michelle!
How are you dear?
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470 days. Long story short I am single and moved into my new place on the weekend. ODAAT is an understatement right now. There are times where I feel like fuck yeah I got this and embrace being on my own and there are times where I miss him & the girls so much I feel empty & shattered. I’m starting to question if it’s really him & “us” that I’m missing or if I’m just missing what could have been. Either way I’m struggling with my feelings. The hardest part of love is letting go and I’m nowhere near being able to do so. Today is a new day and I will try to make the best of it. I need to get my radio antenna figured out so I can play radio bingo tonight. May the electronic gods bless me lol.
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I know that head and heart space, it’s all over the place some moments. It’s hard but you’re getting through it, like you said odaat. You’ve got a lot more strength than you know and you’ll rise again and smile…
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I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t work out but maybe it was for the best. Stay strong and stay sober like I know you will. Like always, we’re here for you!
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Staying sober is almost the easiest part. I know I’m better than that and nobody or nothing is worth drinking over.
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I love it
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