I’m not sure if I’ll be able to express this the right way, but I’ll give it a shot. I’ve been sober for 5.5 months, and I still feel so much shame, especially when waking. Is this possibly because I woke up that way every day for so many years? It’s like ghost same…I did nothing but good sober stuff they day before but feel such dread when waking, like oh God… what the heck did I do yesterday?? Not to mention when I’m out and about. I’m fearful for what I’ve done and don’t remember. Totes need therapy, for this and so many other things, but just wondering if anyone has this odd ghost shame?
I’m sober just over 8 months. I still have my demons I struggle with. Mostly its regret. That is something I am working through. I’ve found that the hardest person to forgive is myself. It is getting better but will take time.
Are you going to AA? Steps 4 5, and 9 really helped me.
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I can relate with the feeling of knowing how much time I’ve lost and that can bring up feelings of shame. Also other things may trigger it too which indicates deeper issues at play.
What do you think it’s trying to tell you?
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It’s not so much regret, but waking up feeling like I did something bad the night before. It’s just odd I guess. I desperately try to avoid debates due to the strong opinions on this site, but AA is not an option for me personally. I wish I could find the words to describe what this feels like. I guess I’m just so used to waking up freaking out about what I did the day before.
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I’m not sure, but it’s just so strange. I get the feelings that go with past actions it’s just this weird daily shame of every interaction I have too. Like oh no what did I say? But it’s ok, I’m sober for all my meetings. But I go back and dissect like when I was drinking. I’m really bad at putting into words what I mean. Ugh.
@Girlinterrupted honestly, I do believe there’s a lot of underlying shame us addicts have. Some call it toxic shame. And when the mind altering ends (sobriety), then a lot of our deeper voids or challenges come up to the surface.
Have you read any of Dr. Brene Brown’s works? I’d look up her talk on TED called Power of Vulnerability and then Listening to Shame. Not sure if it’ll help but thought I’d suggest it
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You can look into SMART Recovery, it’s an AA alternative.
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I will definitely look into that, thank you!
I’m familiar with that as well. It’s something I’ve been looking into. In all my years of trying this is the strongest my sobriety has ever been. It’s just that weird nagging feeling. I have had a hard life with a lot of trauma. I’m thinking therapy is needed.
Therapy is definately the answer. I’ve been doing pretty intense therapy for 10 or 11 years. A lot of the work I’ve done addresses the things that the 12 steps do, but in a different way. I definately think there is a lot of value in the steps but I feel more comfortable doing them in a different way with a professional therapist. A therapist makes me feel much more safe when doing these vulnerable things.
I know you have so many other things going on in your emotional life as well and these things need to be addressed too. You have the right idea, now do it! Just make sure you find the right therapist who takes addiction very seriously, and also specializes in anxiety and possibly OCD or Codependancy. I’m not trying to make a real diognosis for you but I’ve related to a lot that you’ve said here and those three things have been a life long struggle. My OCD doesn’t include the “typical” things doctors would look for, so it was hard to diagnose. Mine is mostly about obsessive, ADHD type thought processes. The Codependancy is pretty typical.
Anyway, follow your gut on this one. Therapy = good!
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I’ve experienced this in a number of ways, not just with the booze.
I was in a job I hated for years and when I finally left I still had a sick worry feeling every morning. I had to remind myself that everything was ok.
Same with quitting drinking. I’m okay now but I do try to make sure I’m honest with myself and others. That is the only way I can get peace.
Keep coming back here. A worry shared is a worry halved.
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Thank you! I think I’m finally at a point in my life and sobriety that will allow me to be receptive to therapy. I have always gone in with a closed mind in the past. I spend a good part of the day focusing on gratitude, but there is an underlying hurt, PTSD, and as you know a boatload of other issues hanging out in there. I will say, that until I’m able to afford therapy, the gratitude keeps me sane. The sober thing helps out quite a bit too 
I know there are a lot of therapists here that will work with you on a sliding scale. But I’m also told we have one of the best metal health systems in the country (which makes me sad because while it’s good, it’s not great). I also highly suggest reading “Codependancy No More.” Girl, I cannot tell you how much that book, and the other books that follow, have changed EVERYTHING in my life. They apply very well to addiction and shame. Facing Codependancy is the other popular book out there and it has a companion workbook that’s pretty intense, but highly effective. Pretty good alternative to therapy until you can afford it. Most therapists would love to help you work through it as well.
I think every addict and anyone who loves an addict should read these books. Hell, I think anyone who lives in the world should read these books! We are raised to control everything and it damages most of us. Learning how to set healthy boundaries takes sooooo much stress out of our lives.
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And hell yes being sober helps! The shift in emotional and mental health still blows my mind!
Oh yes! So many people have told me to read that! I might have it in my kindle already lol. I’ll get started on it ASAP!! You know instead of hours on toon blast I can read 
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One last piece of advice… If you do read it, take it slow. Or read it quickly them come back and read it in small chunks. I did the latter because when I find something that speaks to me I can’t put it down. My therapist absolutely forced me to start it again and do small chunks at a time and really process it. Best thing a therapist ever made me do! And I kinda hated her for it. 
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Another fan of “codependency no more” here - that hook was big in my personal therapy journey.
Also, so sorry to hear about your experience of trauma and PTSD. I have similar issues and alongside my alcohol recovery work, I see an individual therapist who is a specialist in trauma and substance abuse and is trained in EMDR - this had been found to be one of the most effective treatments for trauma/PTSD and I can’t recommend it enough. I feel like I’m making progress WAY more quickly than if I was just doing straight talking therapy. I would really recommend looking into this as an option.
Also, I’m currently reading “the body keeps the score” about trauma and PTSD, which is hard but so good and is really helping me to understand and feel normal about my feelings over the last 15 years.
All the best to you 
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I did EMDR with my last therapist. We focused more on Gestalt therapy, but did the EMDR sometimes to address some stubborn issues. It was difficult for me at times, but the results spoke volumes!
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@aircircle @Meggers looked up EMDR, very interesting ! I’ll keep you posted 
And I may whiz through the book and then process in smaller chunks as well. I can’t see me starting off that way
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Seems like you’ve got a lot of resources! Take it slow and one thing at a time. Good luck!
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