Hi Jessi, welcome to Talking Sober. It sounds like addiction is really kicking your ass right now - but it also sounds like you want to kick addiction’s ass, and that’s good.
You are not alone. Just about everybody here has been exactly where you are. Scroll through the checkin thread (Checking in daily to maintain focus #71 - #806 by mxelle) and the gratitude thread (Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #8 🪷 - #69 by JazzyS) and you’ll see lots of stories of challenges and learning (personally I find a lot of them inspiring).
If you’re looking for a recovery group you can join (for some regular in person or online/Zoom meetings), and/or if you wanna read some “quit lit” to learn from others who have walked the path before, check out this thread: Resources for our recovery
You can do it. You need help and guidance from people who have done it before - we all do - but it is possible. One day at a time.