A short back story. I was 10 months alcohol free, ending in October of 2021.
I finally gave up the battle and was 15 days, when tragedy hit home hard, with the loss of my father, July 21st. (Please understand that this is not an excuse nor am i seeking sympathy) While I knew his days were numbered, as he was 83 and his health had been declining, it was a huge blow and with the news, I chose that moment to drink.
I can get a few days and then back to a frw drinks. Over and over. Back on the merry-go-round of misery.
Im praying that I can just get to a week… this will help me get past the worst of it. And believe that I can be alcohol free!
What are your best plans for staying alcohol free during your first few weeks?
Hi Laura, I’m so sorry to hear about all the uncertainty and tragedy you’ve been through. It is hard, it is emotionally wrenching - it tears you up inside
My plans to stay addiction free are to call my sobriety contacts from my twelve-step group (I have a list of people I can call) daily, plus attend at least 3 meetings a week. I go to virtual meetings and phone meetings mostly. (There are in person meetings 3 days a week in my group and I like in-person but I am not always able to make those.)
It is a journey. I am still in early days. I am learning about the emotional disease: I have an imbalance deep inside myself which my addiction is masking. That is what has kept me on the carousel of addiction year after year. In my recovery I am learning about myself and about what I feel, deep inside myself; I’m learning what I have been through and what it means for me; I am learning what I need to let go of, to be my full, conscious, sober self.
Don’t give up. Keep searching and keep reaching out for help
I am so sorry to hear about the loss you have recently suffered. I know that losses, expected or otherwise can be hugely disruptive to everything - losing your father is huge. And its okay to say that, its not an exuse you are making and I hope no one makes you feel that way.
I am on a new journey with not drinking, where I am allowing myself to open up to new ways of thinking (new to me, not necessarily new) and getting to know/trust myself more, and find a likeminded approach that supports that. Very short backstory here: 10 yrs of sobriety started young at 20 for me, around 30 had a big shift/tried drinking again and drank very periodically in small amounts it was quite uneventful for 6 years, then tragedy a yr and a half ago when my sister disd and I have been on the merrygoround you speak of.
I dont know i am just getting a foothold myself, and part of it for me was acknowledging that the past thing that worked for me (AA…which i love the 12 steps, and everything the program gave me) isnt what I need right now in my life - and that is not because there is something wrong with me. This has nothinf to do with AA, and everything to do with me findinf what works for me. Im learning about how its not an excuse (when tragedy hits); its a reason, and its part of me trying to take care of me; the intention is good, but the action is not. Ive been learninf about lovinf this part of self, and getting to kknow her instead of believing she is just my disease or a bad part of me in the back doinf push ups. Im not illustrating any of this as in one approach is better then the other, but to just shpw how my needs and understandinf of myself is changinf/growing.
I just wanted to share some things I have tried this time to help me, and currently I am at 25 days [again noooo expert here, just sharing my experience].
Coming on here each day and reading and/or sharing. Each day I try to go to the check in page.
Write down my triggers. I tried listing them from big to small.
Write down my tool belt (things to help mebwhen triggered or how not to get triggered). One for me is availability. I rarely bought alcohol but I am often around from those in my life. When I quit at 19/20 I lived wifh relatives who drank daily, and so I felt I should do the same now. Over the past month though Ive asked my husband not to have it in the house, or if he does to buy on what he wants and to pour out what he doesnt have. I cannot always avoid it, so i have made sure too that wherever I go or in mybhome my fridge is stacked with things for me to drink (I like bubbly drinks that arent too sweet…)
I have said no to a few occasions recently where there would be alcohol, and that was good for me. I know this will not go on forever.
This is not advice/just something I am willing to try; though I have not yet, but I spoke to my dr about pharma help for cravings. My sisters death was a homicide, and the aftermath is very traumatizinf and we are not yet to the trial. I am open and willing to try anything for support to achieve my goal of beinf a non-drinker. There is a medication that is “take as needed”, which is more preferable to me as I wss not this time around a daily drinker. I have not filled the script yet, and have only had one instance where I struggled (thoughts of drinking), but I will post about my experiences if I do.
Keep busy, but also with self-care/hobbies in mind: idle hands are not good for me, but I am also rarely idle. I go go go, caring for 3 chuldren (1 with special needs) and have a lot on my plate. Self-care or even just doing things for me are squished down. I do like to read, have a show on the go, and got myself a puzzle and a sketch book (I have not done a puzzle since I was a kid and I love drawing but never have the time).
Be with people who understand/suppprt your decision - no not everyone will understand exactly why or what you are doing, but its importqnt that I have people around me who support me (finding people here too who GET IT) and I need boundaries/limits around those who do not.
Anyway sorry this was so long. Keep logging in, keep sharinf, keep at it and the MOST IMPORTANT THING remember its just today. Dont think of getfinf a week or a yr or anything. Just for today you wont drink. Then they stakc up.
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I’m sure that’s very hard and sad.
Laura what to do you do to stay sober except trying not drink? Cos that won’t get or keep any alkie sober.
You gotta do meetings, read quit lit, put those sobriety podcasts on 24/7, engage here on this forum. You gotta absolutely flood your life with sobriery content and wisdom and make that change in every aspect of your life at the same time. If you know you drink on day four, you change your routine on that day, do something completely different. If you have friends who make you wanna drink for whatever reasons - avoid them. Movies songs fav pubs restaurants - avoid! Change ppl places and things.
Resources for our recovery
Pick three things and stick w them. Then mix and match once you’re through w a few.
i came on here every day and will do so forevermore!
i downloaded the nhs drink free app as it has a star chart and i quite like seeing the progress
i told people around me i was having a drink free month (so avoiding debates about it )
bought some noseco and alcohol free beer and some decent alcohol free cocktails. Not for everyone i appreciate, but i like a drink in a decent glass, probably the habitual bit
i accepted fully my need to stop, read russell brands book and worked on stages one to four
Back on the merry-go-round of misery. Hi, I have been heavy drinking for 30 years. The last 10 years I have literally drank non stop for 4 days, then stopped for a few days and then back to drinking for another few days. I convinced myself I wasn’t an alcoholic because I wasn’t drinking strong lager every day like all alcoholics do!! Residential rehab made me realise that even when I was not drinking, I was isolating myself at home trying to not drink. So basically I was drinking, planning when to drink or thinking of ways to avoid drinking!! Basically it was in my thoughts 24 hours a day! Once I realised I was an alcoholic and it was ruining my life, I did rehab and have not drank in 5 months. Still very early but I would say to read lots of posts and topics on here and hopefully you will find something that can help you stay sober. Good luck.
I know what you mean!! I am doing moderate drinking right now but it isn’t working. I don’t know the computer with virtual meetings and I don’t have a specific group i am in AA. I did 6 months sobriety with the help of an on-line program called “Lived” but the program was taken off in July. I am lost in this program!!
My story is not so different than yours. Its been better the last couple of years, after I finally gave it up, and the relapse has been mostly manageable, save few times my drunken mouth ran away with itself, spouting hateful or hurtful words.
So its harder to stay sober this time.
Just what I am trying, I do believe we all have to find what works for us…takes time I think to get to know ourselves and what works for us, trial and error. What works for some, doesnt for others. I just feel for you so fully, and get it. Hang on to the HOPE that it is ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE. And Im not sure Ive ever heard anyone say they regret that they quit. Best to you on this journey hope to see you around
Xo
