Since I relapsed after managing 30 days sober I’m finding it so hard to not drink, I’ve reset my clock twice and have felt so ashamed. I really want to stop, I know my health is struggling as I’m in pain with my back and my stomach has bloated again . I’m scared to seek help as I’ve got 5 children and don’t want this reflecting on them. I know I need to do this I just need to find the mindset I had when I began this.
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What are you doing to help you stop?
Well, you’ve certainly come to a good place if you think that support from anonymous strangers might help !
It helps me…
Anyway, welcome to the site.
I’ve been writing a journal which helped me loads when I began , and reading a lot of advice on here which helped. I went for walks which I need to do again, my partner has started back at the gym so it took a backseat because I had to stay with the kids . I’ve also started doing puzzles to occupy myself.
Thank you , I do find it easier to speak to strangers who are going through the same struggles as me , my partner is being supportive now but doesn’t understand how hard it is , he thinks it’s easy.
Have you thought about maybe using a recovery program like AA or Smart meetings
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I joined up with smart recovery before I joined here but I’m really quiet and couldn’t bring myself to do meetings , I know I sound like I’m putting obstacles in my way, I’m thinking it writing it now.
I don’t mean to be unkind in what I am saying here, but I will be direct, to get it straight out in the open: it already reflects on them.
What they are learning is that hiding in shame is more important than asking for help. This will teach them to live in shame themselves, and will make it harder for them to ask for help when they need it. The shame cycle will continue to the next generation.
What’s the worst that will happen? You’ll have to get healthy and safe. Not so bad. In fact that’s something to be proud of, not ashamed.
However if you don’t seek help you know exactly what will happen, because it’s already happening.
It’s a pretty simple choice for you: stay with the shame and the sickness of alcoholism, or get healthy and feel good about yourself.
Attend a meeting. There are online options if necessary:
Online meeting resources
There are a range of meeting types; you can try various styles:
Resources for our recovery
Attend as many meetings per day as you need. Some people do 3,4, even 5 a day.
The meetings teach you to live with yourself, sober. You’ve been running to the numbness of booze for so long, and burying yourself under it. Your relationship with yourself is suffocating. The meetings will fix that.
Take care Beccy and remember: you’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. Search for sobriety the same way a person searches for water in the desert: you need it. It’s your top priority. And you doing what you need to do to get sober is a good thing, and it’s something to take pride in. You’re doing the right thing.
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Thank you and I’d rather you being direct , I didn’t mean I don’t want them to find out , my eldest sees it anyhow , I meant I’m scared if I tell the dr he might think I can’t cope with them and get social involved . I am going to look on online meetings , I am quiet but I’ve seen you can go on without being on camera which might help.
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Ah I understand 
The nice thing about online meetings is they’re on all over the word so you can usually find one any time of day. It makes it convenient!
Take care Beccy and keep us posted
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@Matt has very kindly left a couple of links for you to look into online meeting, I’ve done a few online meetings myself and they are good enough but going to a meeting is so much better in my opinion maybe you will consider it in the future because nobody in a meeting wanted to be there
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Thank you, I’m going to have a look through see if I can join something, and I will look into a meeting around me, I’m so nervous doing it but I know I’m going to have to take the plunge to get through this.
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I know it’s hard Beccy. And although I’m not a mother or a parent (yet), I do understand your fear of having your children taken from you.
We love our children. They are, literally, our blood. The idea of them not being in our care is heart-wrenching.
Take some time to sit with this fear. Try to flesh it out a bit. What exactly are you afraid of? Do you believe that speaking with your doctor will definitely lead to separation from your children (with supervised visits)? (How likely is this? Are your kids physically safe and do they have food to eat and a safe home to live in? If they do, then they’re ok; kids are remarkably resilient & they grow in many different conditions; and plenty of parents struggle with physical conditions that affect their parenting - for example, disabilities; I myself have diabetes and if I get hypoglycaemia I am unable to care for others until I care for myself; plenty of parents have diabetes.) Are you afraid that your children will not be able to grow if you are working a recovery program? Are you afraid that you might not maintain your sobriety in the program, and that your separation from your children might last longer? (Again, the likelihood of a separation happening is low if the kids are safe and have a place to live & food to eat.)
Is it possible the fear is really this: you’re afraid you’re not good enough? (You are good enough. But so many of us, early in life, internalized the idea that we’re failures. It’s a part of why we numb ourselves in addiction.)
Fear is a useful emotion for helping us to safely navigate threats. (Fear is the reason I obey the rules of the road while driving. Crashing into other cars is a threat.) But for fear to be useful - which it is - we need to think about exactly what the threat is. Only then can we make a decision that helps us, and the people we love.
Working your recovery, every day, will strengthen your relationship with yourself, and your self-respect, and your health. That will have a positive effect on your relationships with everyone - including your kids - and it is a sign of strength in parenting.
You’re a good person Beccy, and you can do this. Dig deep and find the courage. You can ask for help, and if you trust that the world will guide you to your best self, you will get there.
Start with a meeting. As the old expression goes, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Your kids will be fine. And you will always be their mother. Try not to let thoughts of potential crisis derail your progress. I know you’re worried. It’s understandable and it’s ok to be worried. Just keep walking your recovery path - and you will be ok.
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I don’t go to meetings as I have allot of social anxiety. But, I have a therapist and have spent time identifying my triggers. What emotions do I feel that makes me want to drink. Doing that was huge for me. Now, I feel the emotions instead of numbing them.
Beccy81. You can do it take one second at a time if needed I struggle with the same.wanting to drink daily I tell myself wait 30 minutes Mark then if it’s still there then I do the same again most of the time third urges only last 30 minutes. When it’s hot out I struggle the most so hang in there sister it will get easier to not drink
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Hello and Good Morning! Okay so we got THREE things in common: I’ve got five kids too. I have an alcohol addiction. And my name is Becky as well!!! lol Ok here’s the thing. You NEED a support group. It took me so many tries for me to sober up and I could only do it with a support group. When you have five, it’s a circus at home (especially the morning ugh). Self care and focus sounds so selfish but it HAS to be done. If you’d like, you are more than welcomed to start with us on a Zoom to kick you off to getting comfortable with the it. We can start small if you’d like 
Just PM me if you want to try. Look into the Luckiest Club. I hear that’s a good one but haven’t tried it myself. It’s doable and don’t give up! Just keep plugging away with what will fit you
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