So yesterday, I was not feeling good at all, not sure if it was the medication I’m on now or a side effect from coming off the other medication but it was horrible, my head was banging, feeling dizzy and my vision was all over the place so barely moved from my bed. I woke up this morning feeling a lot better and as the day progressed I felt a bit more normal. I’m struggling to sleep for any decent amount of time which is doing my head in so just sleeping whenever I can fall asleep.
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Stick with it Ady, your doing excellent work!
You have the right idea, just listen to your body and go with it mate.
Well done!
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Been trying to shut everything else out and focus on myself. Changing medication has definitely helped but still have to give it time for my new medication to get into my system so time will tell. Sleeping is the issue now as I’m not getting a decent sleep, it’s always broken. I still ask myself, would I be better off dead? This whole situation is so wrong but I’m powerless. All I can do is try and keep going and hopefully my life will change for the better.
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Today was not a good day and I have been having crazy thoughts again. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this again today as I had been doing really well. I called my counselor earlier which helped but I obviously need more help more often so need to find out what other help is available. Unfortunately it’s a bank holiday now so have to wait until Tuesday
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Sorry to hear this. You are doing really well Ady. Don’t let these feelings get the better of you. I know you are working hard at this.
You can look on the internet, do some research to see what is there in preparation for Tuesday.
Please don’t let the negatively take hold, look to how much you have grown in your confidence, and strength to deal with this. Look at the positives, and try not to look at the weekend as being a problem.
There is always, something that can be done!
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Check in here as often as you need to - even if it is just to write out some thoughts and get them out of your head. The Friday thread is always good if you are looking for a way to be with folks and pass some time.
The medicine will help - and these thoughts you are having will pass. I know that is hard to believe, but it’s true. You are doing just what you need to do for now. Let folks here help you when things go dark…
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Recognising when you need help and reaching out to ask for it is so good. That shows real strength 
Check in here when you need to and don’t forget that Samaritans are there to listen any time of day too. Call 116 123 or you can email/write to them if you prefer https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
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Yeah i can relate. Ive tried to kill myself a bunch. I have PTSD stemming from abuse and near death experiences. I watched my abuser kill herself, i thought shed kill me but she shot herself. I have terrible guilt from that, i keep thinking it should have been me dead. After at least a dozen attempts, i was hospitalized and treated for both my PTSD and bipolar.
My last attept was in November 2017. Now i have a job ive held down for almost a year, getting straight A’s, doing a hell of a lot better. After years and years of counseling i feel much better and have healthier coping mechanisms than drinking now. I wish you the best in your recovery, you can get past this.
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I actually went out for a walk today. I had a few issues whilst I was out but made it back safely. I’m not going to say I have been ok today as that’s far from true. I actually sat on top of a bridge over the railway line crying my eyes out. I’m not sure how long I sat there but my head was working overtime with all kinds of different thoughts. I don’t think I could of jumped but the thought was there. I called my counselor when I got home and explained what had happened then broke down in tears and couldn’t say another word. She stayed talking to me on the phone as she drove over. I don’t know how long she stayed for but all I can think now is what am I doing to this woman. She doesn’t need me putting her through this stress. Why does she care so much? Why didn’t I just do it and end this misery?
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I’m so glad that you got home safely 
You don’t have to worry about what you’re doing to other people because you need help. Your counselor is helping because you need it and you deserve help, we all do. She will get help if she needs it, that’s not your responsibility.
You are working to turn your life around and that is amazing. Staying sober in the face of so many difficult emotions is truly inspiring. Keep checking in here, we’re rooting for you!
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Great that you’re getting out mate. Baby steps as they say. One day at a time is a good mantra for a lot of things.
Each little step you take will bolster your strength and courage.
Even if you do have to phone your councillor. Just to ground yourself after. She is there for you. And also remember you can pm us as well, if you want.
I’m proud of your progress Ady. 
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My counselor came out to me again today to check on me and to talk about how I was feeling yesterday and today. I couldn’t go out today after what happened yesterday but it was good to actually talk to someone and get a hug aswell which really is a nice feeling. I really think I need someone in my life but I know I’m nowhere near ready for any kind of relationship in any way right now. I’m grateful for my counselor as without her Im not sure where I would be right now. I’m grateful for the people who keep praising me up on here when I’m feeling so low. I wish I could meet you all and hug you right now and get to know you all better. Maybe it would make me feel a bit more normal. I’m not sure, my head is all over the place with all kinds of thoughts and feelings. I guess I’m trying to say thank you and please don’t give up on me in a way
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Hi im so glad u got to spe6to your counsellor i know it always helps to talk … may6when u feel up to it u could try aa or ca meetings… i shut myself away for my first 66 days and hardly went out then i woke up one day and got myself to my first meeting… it was the best thing ive ever done… ive made friendship with people who understand me and they want to help … i wish u the very best. Keep reaching out x
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Mate your doing great!
Your starting to feel that you need company. I’m not talking relationship here. Just connection with someone. That’s cool. Even I find my own company can get a bit much sometimes 
.
And there’s only so much that the virtual contact can give us.
I’m not saying here that you should run out and find your nearest AA meeting, but its maybe something you could start thinking about, you know, opening your mind to slowly.
In the mean time why not go for a walk, maybe get a coffee and sit somewhere, where people are, sometimes just being near people is enough of a start. Watch people, relax in yourself a bit.
The sun is shining and you can always talk to us on here.
Just keep doing what you’re doing mate, baby steps,one day at a time
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Made it through another day but without help today. It was a struggle and I almost called my counselor a few times but had to tell myself I could do this on my own. It probably wasn’t the best idea and I know I should just call her as that’s what she is there for but I felt I needed to try and go a day by myself. I thought I would try and go out again but after about 15 minutes I turned back as I felt like people were looking at me as if they knew about me sitting on the railway bridge. I got back and started overthinking everything which then made me question if I would be better off dead again. I hate feeling like this. I will definitely be calling her tomorrow morning to talk about some of my thoughts and feelings from today.
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So this morning I called my counselor again and explained about my thoughts and feelings yesterday. I always get really anxious calling and waiting for her to answer. She came round and made me promise to call every day no matter how I’m feeling and especially if I’m feeling low at any point through the day. She is also going to try and arrange a support worker for me.
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This is good mate. Really good. You are slowly building a support network that is going to be there for you.
Well done.
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I have a support worker… but its so hard to get in touch with her … shes either in a meeting got a day off and as great as she is when i c her i cant call her up 4 a chat anytime or advice cos it takes so long 4 her to get back to me … the best support i get is through aa and ca cos every one understand what im going through and my emotions… maybe when u r up 4 it u could give it a try its the best support ive ever had x
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No of us will ever give up on you and I am so glad to hear that you have been doing better and that your new meds have helped you some keep it up
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Keep fighting my friend! I have been in your spot multiple times. I have tried to take my life 10 times and failed each time. I failed for a reason and I believe you are still here for a reason. It may seem rough now, but I hope things begin to look up for you and that you are able to still see your family.
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