Beautiful, thank you so much for that 
My pleasure. Itās awesome what can happen when we give ourselves permission to shine
Today I travelled back to my home country of Wales, seen my mum, sisters, niece and nephews. The important part of today was going to my twin nephews grave, through the time I was drinking and drowning my emotions I stopped spending time at the graveside of my loved ones, donāt know why but it just happened, maybe I was still running away from the grief and hurt of loosing them. Next I have to make the conscious effort to visit my nan, aunties and uncle graves, I definitely think it will help me growā¦
Itās the first time Iāve taken my boys to their cousins grave
Thank you for sharing. Itās crazy how sobriety opens up a whole new world that we didnāt realize existed and how disconnected we are as people to one another.
I havenāt been to a grave in a while as I donāt have any family members buried here in the States. But it is humbling nonetheless
Good day today, went to my SMART meeting, followed by a committee conference meeting which went well, full of praise and hopeful. Really enjoyed looking like I meant business and well prepared for todayās meeting, didnāt train last night so I could prepare and go over the reports from professionals. I fought for my sobriety and equally I will fight not to loose my kids. Fucking up Again is not an option. Plan plan and plan again 
You are rocking life right now!
Thanks hun 
, your support is so very much appreciated
Act like a boss 
So Iāve been holding a few things back from my thread and in hindsight I know itās not going to do me any good keeping it to myself. Alot has happened this last week.
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On Saturday while I was heading to Wales to see my family I was waiting to hear back from my friend about her scan, she was having pain the day before and she was due a scan Wednesday but got an emergency one, unfortunately she was miscarrying, and found out it was twins she was loosing, at 12wks and 3 days, despite being with my family I took the time to stay on the phone with her and cry with her. She has already lost one child 7hrs after he was born.
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Another friend spoke to me Tuesday, her husband who I also know is going through mental health issues, heās having scitophenic episodes, he thinks my friend is trying to poison him and the psychology team went to the house last night but he ran off, heās back now but could get sectioned, they have 3 children and one of them is additional needs, I spoke to her yesterday and she is in bits, I cried with her offering to be on call to her.
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My enabling next door neighbour phoned me yesterday, not to push me into having a drink but to offer me furniture for free because he has to clear the house in two weeks because the house is sold. I love him like a brother despite not being the best role model for me, well I went and seen him and not surprised that he was drunk, I actually went next door carrying my own cup of coffee. I know heās trying to get sober, heās got an app on his phone but not this one. He mentioned the CBT I done that heās waiting for and heās not ready for AA, I offered to go with him as I know where they run and times, also offered to go to SMART recovery meetings with him, I might have to just turn up on his door step and drag him along.
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Today, my husband can go back to work but he says he doesnāt want to, Iām signed off sick while going through recovery. In my head itās like I can see history Repeating itself. I know Iām capable of working, I want to train next year as a drug and alcohol recovery coach with CGL, if I go back to work now to yet again support the family Iāll be giving up what I actually want to do and start being resentful again but this time sober and I wonāt be masking my disappointment. Trying to deal with my husbands negativity lately is a minefield. Heās even thought about dealing weed from the house, huge alarm bells are ringing in my head, heās not said yes yet but no matter what I say heāll do his own thing anyway. I canāt even let him be the factor that could loose the kids.
I am planning around if he says yes to dealing, it does not matter how I feel about him, Iām not loosing my kids.
Itās strange but satisfying that through the last week drink or thought of hasnāt entered my head and not craved it.
Wow, what an emotional week. You seem to be positive still. Thats excellent.
Not being funny but canāt you just put your foot down with hubby concerning the weed. I stopped selling and using when my first kid was born because my wife asked me.
Whatās Smart like. I looked up the local meetings and they both are during the day and Iām a bit loath about looseing money.
I have tried getting him to quit when we didnāt have much money but instead he decided to sell something for his habit. He says that he doesnāt have a problem, for the most part heās fine on it but then there are also days heās not motivated, negative and passive aggressive mainly to others and can effect my mood. My safety is stay in the bedroom out of the way until the kids are around and Iāll be there for them.
Iāve offered to get him help with the company Iām doing recovery with but itās refused by him and I canāt force him to go.
SMART is normally only done during daytime hours, I really enjoy it and it helps cognitive wise, Iāve been going for some months now. You can join in at online meetings which you can access day or night from the comfort of your own home
Wow. Thatās a lot of burden to carry. Thanks for your openness.
One theme that really struck me is that you are so willing to be there for people when they need it. At the same time, you know how and where to draw lines (for example, saving your energy when your husband isnāt ready to make a change) to make sure you and your kids are taken care of. I think sustaining that balance will go a long ways to making it through this tough time. I admire that, even though youāre getting relief from cravings and temptations for alcohol, you still donāt waver - āaināt nobody goin touch my sobriety! Or my kids!ā.
I hope that, even though your husband will make his own choices, you can still communicate to him how the consequences would affect you and the family, and what steps you would then follow through with in response. Not to convince him, but so he understands the full extent of what heās doing. I hope heās just going through a temporary depressed state and wonāt go through with what heās tempted to do.
One thing that has been pointed out to me, that has happened in my relationships and close friendships, is that often when one person is struggling, the other tries to just hold things together and stuff things down so they can be the strongest support (in their own eyes) that they can be. When the struggling person starts to get healthy again, the one whoās been trying to hold themselves together and put off their own struggles, can often find themselves feeling more free to let that show, and the freshly healthy person now gets hit with that load. No idea if thatās whatās happening here, but Iām wondering if his negativity is maybe him opening up to you? Communicating feelings that he held back before? Obviously there are better ways to open up, and I wish he was more understanding of your situation. I really hope he decides to help himself and ready himself for positive change, going back to work, etc., I think that would help everyone.
Iām so glad you are such a good friend to those around you <3
I wanted to mention, as someone who has been certified (Canadian for sectioned) several times, that if that does happen with your friendās husband, the good part is that when he does leave involuntary care, itās because a doctor determined itās safe for that to happen. And heāll be getting help to get better when he is in care, so he may come out better off, he might need a med adjustment, a referral, who knows. And from the other side of the equation, having had close friends be certified, another silver lining is that the people around them can destress somewhat because they are safe, being taken care of, and not complicating other lives with the problematic behaviour for the time being. Itās a good time to take advantage of the breathing room, and just visit when itāll be helpful, take the space otherwise.
I really canāt speak much to the other situations, though I wish I had something helpful to say.
I have the confidence that you have the knowledge and skills and wisdom to navigate this whole situation, and if you feel otherwise, you know where you can seek those things. And I would encourage yourself to trust your reasoning and stay true to your values and plans if/when things get hairy.
It may be a good trait to have, helping others and taking the weight of the situation Iām in but itās also my biggest flaw. As far as it goes with my friends I will emotionally and physically be there for them and when they are going through a hard time I donāt ask them for help, itās like a switch that goes off, Iāve only started reaching out for help myself since the start of August, so it could start a snowball effect where I let everything build up again.
As far as my husband goes he is going into a slump and in the past I have tried to get him out of it and I was just so miserable staying in the same space as him, it drained me and my drinking got worse just to deal with the everyday pressure and situation I was in. I havenāt told him what the conciquence will be if he takes up the offer of dealing, if anything Iām shying away from that conversation because I am expecting a defensive reaction, heās threatened before to tell social care that I have had a drink when I havenāt, basically to get me to loose the kids, because any accusations have to be taken on face value. I countered this with that Iāll tell them he took me and the boys to his dealers house and we sat in the car, which is true and I could show them where the house is, he backed down. That was one of his off days. He is getting very insicure lately and doesnāt even like me coming on here. Iām mindful of the situation Iām in and just need to stay true to my path, I have to safeguard myself and hope that he will get a job soon
His insecurity may well stem from you taking control of your life again. From what you say you are in control and he obviously isnt. He still needs the crutch to lean on. Stay safe yeah?
Ugh Iām sorry itās so complicated. I agree: just stay true to your path, safeguard yourself, and hope for the best. There will always be things in life you canāt (or shouldnāt) really do anything about and it can be scary not knowing whatāll happen with that. I think youāre doing the right thing. Youāre in my thoughts and prayers.
I really have to say I admire the work you are doing and your progress! It really does get complicated sometimes with helping too much and not enough, whatās acceptable to deal with and what isnāt. Iām proud of you, I think you are doing great!
Thanks everyone, been a bit of a strange week, good parts of the week was my committee conference meeting was positive, and I have kept up with my meetings
Update: husband is still a mood vacuum but I ignore it, I have told him that I canāt be around it.
My emotions are evened out and all is well in dragons land.
Just keeping note on what is keeping me going in recovery if anybody wants ideas.
Monday, take mine and the neighbours kids to school,.
1 2.30 - 2.30 parenting strategies
Then wait for my kids to come out of school
6.30-7.30 pm kickboxing
Tuesday, take mine and neighbours kids to school
11.30-1pm smart recovery
3-4pm mindfulness
Wednesday take mine and neighbours kids to school
9.30-10.30 emerging futures meeting
10.30-1pm cookery, recovery run class
1-2.30pm weekly catch up with sobriety coach
6.30-7.30 pm kickboxing
Thursday, no meetings so its housework day,
Friday, 11-1pm survival skills abstinent group meeting
1-2pm yoga
Family movie night.
Saturday, games, housework, homework, visit friends and family, shopping
Sunday 12.30-2.30pm swimming