Alot of reflecting today on my current situation.
Why do I want a baby?
to satisfy my body’s needs
because I would have attention because of the baby.
Pros of having a baby
I would be happy to complete my family
Cons of having a baby
financially I can’t afford to have a baby
I would be jeprodising my marriage
I could risk my sobriety
I am only 4 months sober and in no position to make this life changing decision within 12 months of recovery.
I would be giving up on my goals to be a recovery coach myself.
I met up with my sobriety coach today and we talked in depth about this and pretty much the same advice is given as in AA, not to make these decisions before 12mths. Also spoke to my husband this morning again and the conversation was better and we’ll work through this.
I hadn’t realised that I inadvertently may have been a bit overbearing, and I’m surprised he didn’t run for the hills. Going around shops while Christmas shopping picking up baby clothes putting them against my belly and saying “we could make something to fit in this” has obviously scared the hell out of my husband despite previous conversations.
My lovely coach also bought me a chocolate advent calendar
Really glad you’ve been able to find the space to reflect and look at the situation from different angles. For me, once I start to be able to get out of my own rigid thinking and at least identify and consider things from different perspectives, I know I’m feeling a bit better. With time, patience and meditation, the answers and path will present themselves at the right time.
@RedDragon Could you think more long term about when your sons bring home partners/wives and the grand children in your future? I had to do that and now I have six grandkids.
I gently suggest that you stay on the pill until you and your husband can agree.
Good advice , I’ve tried getting him to do date nights first I suggested every month, then every six weeks and he refused. The times we do something together as a couple is food shopping and Christmas shopping.
He doesn’t come with me to weddings, funerals, catching up with friends or children’s birthday parties, forgot any seasonal events going on for the kids.
We do movie nights together as a couple at home and that pretty much is all.
I think date nights are great. I don’t consider it the end of the world if it’s hard to squeeze one in, however. I know a couple who only gets a few real ones per year and they are thriving. They maintain closeness through all the little things, communication, finding common enjoyment or entertainment in what life throws at them, a favour here and there. I suppose it depends on personality and chemistry too. Have you read about the idea of love languages? If two people have quality time as their primary love language, then date night might need to be more of a sacred thing. Acts of service and words of affirmation are more easily sprinkled here and there as opportunities arise.
I definitely had a relationship where there seemed to be a disconnect on the love languages thing. We both tried pouring into each other but we didn’t always recognize things as acts of love or show our appreciation in the most effective way. It didn’t kill the relationship by any means, but certainly made things harder.
I don’t remember why your husband was taking time from work, but I just thought of something. It’s common for patients recovering from surgery who have to reduce their activities for a significant span often hit a significant depressive period. Seems like it could apply to similar situations outside of surgery. A friend of mine has experienced this. Maybe this could be related to his apparent lack of interest/involvement, as well as the weed temptation?
Stepping back from the relationship topic… Are you still able to make time for the things you do for yourself that you enjoy? Like art and delicious teas and great music? Or sweet silence?
My husband took time out of work because I needed to be supervised at all times with the boys, so he said he would be responsible for that so that I could stay at the house with everyone. O thank him for the things that he does do for us, it’s often too easy to see the negatives and moan about it than recognize and praise the good points.
I think my relationship confuses me a lot as I’m still evaluating myself what I want from it and where we are going as individuals and a couple
Right right of course, I remember now. Yeah it seems like it’s going to take time to figure out. Sorry if my spontaneous thoughts ever come across like “Oh here I go sticking my nose in thinking I can fix something” or if they just stir your pot. Let me know if that ever starts happening eh?
Your not sticking your nose in hun , after all I’m putting it out there, sometimes it’s nice to get different takes on a situation and if I’m being shallow, selfish or too harsh its good to be told so. Relationships through recovery are hard weather it’s friendships or intimate relationships it’s still all about learning
We done marriage counselling last year, it did help and things have gotten better in the relationship, I drank for a period of 4 years so I’m refinding our relationship sober, date nights would help a lot with that but we both have to be willing, husband has refused to do a healthy relationship workshop, I have agreed but I can’t make him do it.
I don’t know where I’ll be a year down the line I’ll just have to see what each day brings
Everything comes in threes they say, I just got off the phone from my mum who received a letter from the hospital after tests advising her that she has fibrosis of the lungs, she doesn’t know anything else and knowing that I’ll look into it as I always do, asked me not to tell her anything. She is going to book in with the doctor to have it explained to her.
I’m not loving what I’ve found out.
It’s very difficult to predict how long someone with IPF will survive at the time of diagnosis. Regular monitoring over time can indicate whether it’s getting worse quickly or slowly.
Before the availability of specific treatments like pirfenidone and nintedanib about half of people with IPF lived at least three years from their diagnosis. Around 1 in 5 survived for more than five years.
Oh, Michelle. If I may, today your mom is neither one of the 4/5 nor 1/5. She is here, she has doctors, and she has those around her. Most of all, she is blessed for having a loving, fighting daughter like you on her side.
@Eke@aircircle@anon59060877 I’m hoping it’s just an over reaction on my part, I’m sure that she’ll live past 5yrs, I’ve always known that if my mum ever got really I’ll health I’d return back to Wales. Taking it one day at a time @Phoebe
I’m sorry about your mom, that’s a tough pill for both of you to swallow. I’m glad you’re not too far from Wales. On the hopeful side, it looks like those stats were before the availability of treatment. Perhaps it can be treated in your mom’s case and result in a better prognosis.
If I may, today your mom is neither one of the 4/5 nor 1/5. She is here, she has doctors, and she has those around her. Most of all, she is blessed for having a loving, fighting daughter like you on her side.