My therapist did not work with eye movement, but by tapping on my knees
@Marisim and @anon13078412; I loved meetings, went there long time, coda, NA and OA also did service. made no friends. and what happend when I got more and more sick I started getting eplieptisc episodes beofre and after meetings and started to hurt myself after meeting because the were to intense. I have waiten way to long to see the physical part. For over 3 years now I am on waiting listes for trauma therapy. and I am blessed to have a therapist to cover this time. she sees me every now and then. But I can not go anymore because it is not safe to drive and public transport makes me go unconsious. And so far. for all the ābestā trauma therapies I have been declined because I have no support system. I als tried once to go to a clinic and be submitted but there I got retraumatised because I was to scared to sleep and got bullied by the other clients because I was the weakest. 8 years ago I had emdr for a year. So now. there is officially no therapy for me in the netherlands and I have gotten so utterly exhausted by fighting for help and so insecure by all the rejection that now my therapist and physisan also want me to find practical help first. Trauma can never be taken care of when you are fighting for your life. That is a defense meganism of the body(like maslov right) if i continue to fight i keep retraumatising myself. I love my therapist for seeing that. because I will always fight. but stress will surely get me in a wheelchair within a few months when continuing like this. I followed suggestions, did everything professionals asked me to. and now I have only one thing to do and that is trust that I can do it when I create a safe place for myself. no one, not an animal or human can relaese trauma when not safe. that would be genetical miscode and suiciedeā¦ but jeahā¦ I have to stay clean to get a sense of being safe. And that is why I love this place. no fear of having to meeet people and be hurt, but do have to be accountable
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Do you suffer from seizures? I had an unexplained seizure a for of weeks ago so I have an idea of how horrible they are. 
jeah. I have thatā¦ bizar right. started few years ago. No idea what was going on. just fall over and have these shakingsā¦ tremorsā¦ learned to deal with it so prevent it by pinshing myself and be present. but recently they are comming back more intense. and few days ago happend when going down stairs and so I hurt myself. and it happened in the car. no opileptics thank god but it is nerve inflamation or somtehing. Do you know what caused it with you?
I have no idea, I have to go for some tests when they finally arrange then and get in touch with me. Alcohol and benzodiazepam withdrawal can cause seizures but mine wasnāt due to either of those. Iām stuck if waiting for these tests because Iām not allowed to drive until I have had them. Did you have tests after your first one? I feel for you hun.
I donāt know what to sayā¦ Iām sorry for you and the pain you have to endure.
All I can do is give you a million hugs 
This group could be your safe place. We donāt judge you, you wonāt get bullied and you can tell us whatever you want at any time.
Iām sure Iām not just speaking for myself, when I tell you that!
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I was going to be doing a cheerful good morning post but after catching up I donāt feel itās appropriate. @Maria donāt give up. This sounds so incredibly hard and I can understand just wanting to give up, but your life is precious and you are still worth the space and resources it takes to keep you alive. When do you go the dr again? Didnāt you say youāre switching to a new one?
@Marisim 6 days, $60, Iāll tell you one thing, looking at that money counter has been a big encouragement. Looking back, I am embarrassed at how much I spent on alcohol.
I do believe that. And have to give it a try. Getting sober is the easy part, I can do alone. but staying that way I cannot do without a healthy group of people to reflect and push back sometimes.
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@Sunsw686 with this big change of being sober will come other big changes. This guy sounds like a poor choice for you now. I know it will be hard and you donāt want to hurt him but youāve got to do what is best for you right now. If he can understand and be sensitive about your problem with alcohol then maybe you can work through it.
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sweet @SoulSearcher. things always co excist!!! they have to. that keeps balance so please do share. It our nights excist by your sunshineā¦ literaly ! Jeahā¦ all the money we spent on alcohol. almost embarasing right. nother good reason to not do that anymore! I am meeting my docter in my new town wednesday and then later this month I go to maastricht and eindhoven for a few days for the serious stuff. I can get quality of life in whatever form my disability develops, leaning on healthy lifestyle and reducing stress as much as possible. So recovery first. I can put up a fight and dramatically give up everyday but in the end I can only accept that it will be no more mount everest climbing but another lifeā¦
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hmmmm. no funā¦ it is unsettling right these weird symptoms . I was tested for epileptics years ago when I was still completely in the dark. now I am with a neurological research centre that test for neuropathy and pots (dysatonomy) I had also led poisoning from the water pipes in Amsterdam and toxic levels of B6 from taking a lot of supplements) worth checking out. lots of magnesium is paired with forms of B6
was it you @Journey1 doing the end of life doula training? I cheer for you! what a great thing and so needed. I am thinking about doing this for few years now. Are you familiair with the work of Ram Dass? (becoming nobody and Walking each other home? )
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So we are on 32 days and 296.60 bucks 
7dys (28th first day) 16 euro
So 39 days and a total of 312,60 bucks.
Good job everybody
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@Maria Hereās what I was going to post.
Good morning (afternoon) Sunshines!!! I slept wonderfully last night and woke up ready to tackle the day. I hope you all have a great weekend. Day 7 today!! Am I the only one squatting?? Lol 
Getting ready to workout soon!
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