Do you have a list of what really happens when you drink? If so, good time to review it!! It helped me a lot to have one.
Our mind is us…we have control over it. You can do this!! 
Please just bare in mind that it’s not as easy as having a drink or two tonight and then starting afresh tomorrow, those drinks that you would have tonight will set you right back to the beginning. It starts off the intense compulsion and obsession to drink which will quite literally drive you mad. The first time I got clean of my doc I started going to NA meetings where I learnt of this compulsion to take the first drug or drink and then the obsession to carry on that follows it. I relapsed and that obsession kept me back out there for a further five years. It just really isn’t worth it for the perceived reward from those couple of drinks that you fancy having.
Play the tape through to the end, what those couple of drinks will lead on to, the chain reaction that they will set in to motion. You came here and posted about it first which tells me that you don’t really want to drink, you just like the idea of it. Stay strong. 
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I found this today going through my desk piles - it was a Christmas gift from my in-laws this year. Time to add this practice to my daily routine! I’ve always gotten a lot out of practicing gratitude, especially when I’m feeling down, struggling or obsessing over the drink. It helps put things in perspective, including what I have to lose if I choose alcohol over my blessings.
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I’m going to bed. I’m mad and angry, fuming, but sober. Good night.
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Still here. Laying awake worrying all night. … 
What are you worrying about m8?
Yes, long work day then came home and cooked dinner for my kiddo. Still hanging in. 
Hope you’re well. I should get my book tomorrow. I’ll keep ya posted. Sleep tight. Thanks for checking in on me. 
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Sleep tight. May you wake refreshed and renewed.
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Am so depressed and anxious through the pain and my future that I can not keep myself together. Have no resilience anymore to have faith in me wanting to live. Tough so do not bother people with it. Thank you for asking.
well and also I tried looking for help with the dog. It is physically to heavy but the sadness of having him back in shelter is to big. and then I hate the spiritual aproach of live. the people telling me in my condition the joy of a dog will make me more happy and help will always come along so just for once make a choice that makes me happy and have trust. those same people now say I should not count on help and I will feel better in a week and do it my own. It is realy that people do not want to know that I have a chronic pain condition. I am the loneyest person I know looking around. and seeing someone in the street makes me literly cry bacuase I feel so wothless that i do not even dare to say hello. that is not me… you know. and then my dad called before bed, he has to have open heart surgery on short notice… although he does not care for me and is an adict for 20 years… it is my dad and this is not good. So then I go to bed and have either dreams of people chasing me down the streets beating me up because I am worhtless or I dream that I have someone holding me and i feel again even when half asleep how it feels to be loved and trust live. and then I get up, make coffe and the emotions start, another day of battling my thoughts and the world. and I have to little motivation to fight it. better be over. this has been for to long a time. Everybody who knows how much I am stuggling every day has left me hanging. so I know writing this here feels tricky for me.
Morning! An hour maybe in total you?
Maria, I feel so sad about you feeling so miserable. If you lived closer I would be more than happy to be your friend and support.
But please consider me as a friend on here. I hope you get some rest. Please check in and spill your guts out as often as you need to.
I slept for 7 hours, but I’m so tired and exhausted. Need to go to work now, but as always, I will be here.
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thank you. I do need to keep lookig for reasons to want to stay in recovery right. if only for my health. and what I put mybody through. I would be doing the same as my surroundings. not affirming that my body has an illness. The people are coming to instal my sun screen shortly. so At least on some level I still beleive the sun will shine again HAve a good day at work. Hope you have a good day after powering throught yesterday!
Oh Maria, instead of taking the dog back to the shelter could you try finding someone else to take him? I know the sadness that goes on in shelters. Many years as I volunteered in one for a bit. Try not to lose all your hope, that is a very dark place. Let’s try to stay positive till your dr appt this week. many hugs
@Marisim Have a good day at work! Maybe an extra cup of coffee will help get you through your day!
For those reading the book, let’s do the intro today and start day 1 tomorrow.
I am in a really weird place this morning. I’m still mad that I didn’t drink last night. I couldn’t focus on a workout this morning. I’m trying to move past it but who knows at this point.
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I’m really proud of you for maintaining your sober commitment through really hard emotions. It sucks, big time. But you did it and are doing it. Hang in there and I’m sure the feeling will pass.
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I have tried. I asked at least 40 people and posted it on facebook. trust me, i would always let the wel being of an animal go before mine. So I feel guilty as it is already. if I had known people would promise me things they would not keep I would have never done this. It will break my heart if I have to.
You hang in there. being angry for not doing something you do not want to do in the first place must feel very confusing. Is there something I can do to support?
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You being mom 24/7 I can imagine it´s all about giving, giving and giving. So I guess you want to receive as well for a change. I´d be angry too!
I´m ready for my book!
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You guys are the best. I’ve been crying all morning. This is so stupid. Why am I SO angry? I’m trying to let it go. I keep praying the serenity prayer. Going to go get my workout in. I might cry through it too but at least I’ll get it done.
@Marisim Yes! Giving all the time. I never get a break. We moved to our current house 2.5 years ago and it’s still over 4 hours away from any family. I have very little support and have to do everything myself. The hubby works night shift so sleeps all day, and he is also taking online college courses which is great but also any time he does have he’s stuck to a computer screen trying to do school work. I just feel like I’m trying, trying, trying and I’m so tired. Sometimes I wish something would happen like I break my leg just so I can get a break from all the things that need doing around here.
And also let me know if your book doesn’t arrive and we’ll push back day 1.
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It might feel stupid but it isn’t, it’s very real. When we numb ourselves for an extended time and we are forced to really feel all the feels, it’s heavy stuff. This was me Sunday afternoon - though I was so weepy and sometimes I didn’t know exactly why. Angry, frustrated, hurt, sad, all the things! The more we work through these feelings, the easier it will get, I think. Or at least it won’t feel like such a surprise, ha ha! You got this, get your sweat on and get some endorphins going. I’m starting my workout soon, too.
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