Congratulations! What a great success!
Sober dayā¦ Check!
Yesterday was hard. I had terrible headaches but had to work a lot, so I felt totally stressed out and too tired to check in, sorry!
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I had a binge yesterday. Reset my sober clock. Anxeity is just killing me. And my boyfriend might leave me. Right now im waiting to have a talk with him. He is at the toilet and im sitting on the bed. I might have just fucked everything up. Please be there for me today, so i can get through the day
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Please is anyone there
Are you okay mate?
You donāt know for certain that your boyfriend is going to leave you,I know that itās not easy but as addicts we tend to overthink things so please try to not let your mind to through the worst case scenarios 
I try. No im not okay im ruining my life and im disgusted by myself. I feel so much shame and guilt and i dont know what to do.
Itās time to double down and have a good read around the forum.
Have you developed yourself a sober toolbox yet? How have your been doing this, have you just been trying to not drink which is essentially white knuckling it? Iām not asking to criticise you, if I know these things then I can help you make a plan so that you donāt stumble again.
Please bear with me and I will share what is in my sobriety toolbox.
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I understand that your feeling Shame and guilt right now but I need you to try and move past that, yesterdayās binge is done unfortunately we cannot change yesterday but thatās okay, today is all we have.
I believe that you live in Europe? If so that means that you are in a similar time to me here in the UK. When I get to in the morning (like now) I do myself a cup of tea, open up this app and catch up with everyone journey here in the forum. Itās good for us to do because we can connect with our forum friends on the checking in thread, do you check in each day? If not then do your think that you can check in every morning please? And could you dedicate a half hour to reading through the threads whilst you have a tea or coffee?
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Iām sorry youāre going through this right now. @anon13078412 has offered some key suggestions, things I was also going to mention, but more spot on than I could! Definitely been in that low spot, think most of us have, and itās times like these where I have had to take it moment by moment. Do a search on the forum on relapse, or other key words popping in your brain. Search for the words that are breaking you down in this moment and get some reassurance from what others have written, to know you are absolutely not alone. You can get through this, and come out the other side stronger by learning from this set back and finding ways to cope for the future. Sending 
I have gotten the impression that the majority of people participating in this thread here been white knuckling it so it should be incredibly beneficial to them all to create their sober toolboxes. There is plenty of information spread throughout the forum, itās there for the taking. I get that we are in very uncertain times but if everyone wants to get and stay sober then they need to step it up a couple of notches. Itās nice to see your days adding up @RosaCanDo. 
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I have tried doing antabuse which worked fine as long as i do it regularly. I cant kust bot do this anymore i will end up dying as one remembered to be an alkoholic piece of shit.
Im so truly sick of myself. So scared. Bf stil here but he has givin up not believing that this will never come to an end. Have to realize and be known with that i can never drink again never. Not even just a little bit. It has to be a full goodbye to this thing ruining my life
I hear you. Iām appreciative of what tools Iāve learned from reading what others have to say and have shared here what Iām doing that works for me. What else is there to be done? I believe that current events have been especially challenging for folks, but that doesnāt say one canāt attempt to find and practice new tools, it just means that anxieties are high and in that state itās hard to do much past white knuckling. Been there! But it absolutely is not sustainable - I hear what youāre saying.
I feel so alone and so affraid
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Itās a natural way to feel. You can sit with the feeling and think about how you got there and how never to feel this way again. I think you already said it yourself in a reply up above - it is time to tell yourself that the thing causing this in your life is not worth it. You can make that decision to not drink and you will never have to go through this again. It is simple but it is not easy, as Iāve read other people describe it on here. But itās damn worth it to not feel this again, am I right? You have the power within you! We all do. Think about what @anon13078412 has said about focusing on what tools you can use to keep you sober when things get difficult so you donāt have to suffer through it as badly.
I know but i really dont get why i put myself and people i love through this again and again and again. How stupid can one person be
The addiction is insidious and baffling, the why is not as important as the how you will overcome. You can deal with the āwhyā with addiction therapy possibly, but ultimately itās your brain on booze, it takes over any rational thinking we have and puts us in a place where we could hurt the people we love most. Itās not us at our most core being, our humanity. I truly believe that. Itās like the old commercial says, āthis is your brain on drugs.ā
Iām working on mine