Glad this sparked some memories For you about the reality of your drinking days. I sometimes did the same thing when I was drinking I would be in a good mood and buy extra of things and lose it but the majority of the time I was literally on the run and abandoning my belongings every few weeks so I would just leave behind everything I had and start over. So that’s why I never finished a tube of toothpaste in 15 years. Like I’m dead serious. It was a cool realization the other day when I was finishing a tube and writing on a list to get more then I was thinking about other things that I have finished all the way through. Never going back to the old way. Sticking to my routine And being OK with normalcy
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It’s weird how being normal feels so weird. So many years of chaos; normal is abnormal when I look at it from the chaos perspective. I’m learning 
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5/24/25
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It seems like yesterday I was being released from jail and put on probation terrified about my situation and going back to jail or possibly prison. I really didn’t have faith in myself not about staying sober but just about completing everything that is required as far as the terms of probation. And there is a lot of terms. Worried if I could hold a job because of my anxiety or how I was going to function like a regular adult. But I’m doing it and I’ve been doing it. My probation is three years but there is an unwritten rule in Florida that if you do half of the three years which is 18 months and you’ve completed everything then you’re eligible for early termination. 18 months is in October. I have a Lawyer. I paid off my restitution to the bar I broke into. I paid all of my court cost and I completed eight months of drug classes. I’ve never missed an appointment and I will never miss an appointment. So I would say There’s a 90% chance I’m getting off in October. So I think it’s fair and OK to start thinking of my plan of what I’m going to do When this is done. I know when I get out of the court room in October I’m probably gonna break down and cry my eyes out and it’s going to be so incredibly emotional because the judge didn’t have to give me probation he could’ve sent me to prison for three years. I have freedom right now but I’m definitely going to have freedom in October. I was kind of playing with the idea of doing some road trip traveling for a couple months when I get off probation but now I’m considering staying with my friend who lives in Montreal Canada for 6 months. He is my best friend and besides my brother is one of the most important people in my life as far as friends. You’re able to stay there for up to six months not being a citizen and because of doing the right thing I have a lot of savings and I could easily go there and have some cool Experiences and really celebrate my sobriety and still be OK financially when I come back to America and be able to go back to my restaurant if I want. I never really got to do anything like this in my life or because of addiction I was always trapped in a 5 mile radius and really couldn’t do anything travel wise or new. My friend said that he can get me a job at a restaurant if I feel like working which these days I like working. I think this would be a good experience for me to get me out of my comfort zone and help my anxiety and I think when I come back to America I would be in a better place to actually attempt the schooling that I would like to do. I think if in October I start going to classes after 18+ months of not being able to leave the county I am in, the state and definitely the country I might be wanting to travel and I wouldn’t be able to because I’ll be committed to classes. So maybe I will Go to Montreal first. This is definitely something to think of but no matter where I’m at geographically my recovery comes before everything. One of my first thoughts when I was thinking about this was how cool it would be to go to AA meetings on a regular basis in Montreal for six months. Forming some lifelong connections for my network. Plus reconnecting in real life with my best friend. When I got lost in Addiction we kind of went our separate ways and my friend group changed and my friend got his life together and I did not. The whole point is that I have possibilities. In recovery I have possibilities and my dreams can become reality. In addiction or active addiction there is no positive possibilities. Dreams do not come true in active addiction. Nothing happens except the negative crazy consequences and bullshit!!
Life is good. And I feel like this is just the beginning of my sobriety journey. It really is just the beginning.
Ps: This is something I will definitely talk over with my net work, my sponsor and also my family.
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Whatever you decide to do when your probation is done , I’m certain you will make the most of it. You definitely have come a long way in your journey with lots to be grateful for and proud of .
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Montreal is one of my favourite cities. If you go, you’ve gotta try some Montreal smoked meat - these are my two favourite places: Smoked Meat Pete, and Schwartz’s - and you should also try some fresh Montreal bagels.
There’s also Mount Royal, right in the middle of the city, which is a big park with lots of hiking trails; it is beautiful and peaceful.
Happy for you
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I’m definitely going to go it just depends on how long I’m going to be there. My friend has said a lot of great things about Montreal and considering he has back packed all of Europe And been everywhere in the United States It must mean something that he settled down in Montreal. But my friend gives me hope because he probably thought it was impossible for him to do schooling as well and he just recently presented his thesis in Italy and now is graduated and looking for employment in his field of study in Montreal. So he is going through a major life transformation as well the last few years.Considering I like riding my bike a lot, skateboarding and I’m big on music and art I think this would be a good place to spend some time for a extended period. I’m excited that because of sobriety I have options and I can do what I feel like doing as long as it doesn’t jeopardize my recovery.
I will definitely ask my friend about these Smoked meat places. And I’m also sure he knows about the park you’re talking about. I think he actually works at a butcher shop so maybe he works at one of the places you suggested that would be crazy!
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Some people in my life are being reborn and some people are dying. That’s just the reality of my friend group and people in my life. I found out two days ago that a good friend passed away that I had known for 10 years. He was the first person I met and connected with when I found the rooms of AA and went to medical detox for the first time in 2014. Throughout the last 10 years we were roommates at sober living houses many times, we went to meetings together and stayed connected through the ups and downs and good and bad times. He was supposed to be “doing good” and I saw him about a week ago and then I guess he got the idea To go back to old habits and he got a hotel room and he never left. His drug of choice was primarily alcohol and we don’t fully know what happened yet but more than likely alcohol poisoning and nobody was around for medical attention. That would be my guess. It’s very frustrating because I just don’t understand relapse anymore. But the reality is that could’ve been me hundreds of times. I started getting in my head and thinking why am I alive when I can name 10 or more friends that are gone. But I can’t think like that. Obviously my higher power has a plan for me. The AA community is pretty upset about this person passing and he was a good dude who was really involved and keep coming back. But this is the truth.. this is life and death. It doesn’t matter how much you use or drink or what it is. It’s poison no matter what it is and causes major consequences that could be death.
Then there is the flipside of people trying to recover or save their life. I currently have a friend that I’m trying to get into medical detox on Monday. He’s been dancing around the idea for the last year and his drug of choice is fentanyl so he definitely needs medical detox. I met him at his camp earlier today and had him do a phone assessment for the detox and made sure he asked any questions that he needed answered. I will say he was very honest with the assessment which is good. Like most people he doesn’t wanna go right away it’s always tomorrow or a later date. The plan is that me and my sponsor are going to take him Monday when I’m off work and I told him that I’m going to meet him Sunday afternoon to talk to him And take him to the store to get anything he might need for his stay there and if I sense any kind of bullshit then I’m not going to waste my sponsors time coming to help us get there Monday. It’s about an hour away but I’ve been to all of the places around here and the one I’m recommending I think is the best as far as nurses, the detox process itself and after care. My sponsor said that he is worried about me getting my hopes up about my friend getting help when the reality is he might just bail on Monday. It’s frustrating because I’ve been where he’s at and I don’t want a major consequence like jail or hospitalization to wake him up. Or find out he did too much and didn’t wake up. But this is what I’m supposed to do is give back and help people because so many people helped me. I wouldn’t be where I’m at without help. But I also wouldn’t be where I’m at without surrendering. If my friend doesn’t want to surrender and give up then it won’t work.
I know one thing I made it through another day sober and this last 15 months has actually been the easiest of my life. Even though I’ve dealt with Friends passing away, my grandfather passing away, kidney stones, job stresses, family issues and all kinds of things but that’s life on life’s terms. Even with everything I just listed this has been the easiest time of my life. For that I’m grateful
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Sorry for your losses my friend. I see a shining light in you and am sure many around you want what you have found. Reading here we do see so many who falter but always great to see them back to try again. You know like me it is work everyday. It is talking about sobriety here and to ourselves. It is waking up declaring I will remain sober today and focus on the amazing life we have found. Since I completed my 12 steps and continue to follow them I still check in with my sponsor by text daily. Love my AA Meetings but sometimes can only make 1 a week. I am trying so hard to meet all my obligations and rejoice in my sobriety. Keep on doing you. I am here with you and grateful I am not alone in my drunken misery with death at the door. By the grace of God I am sober, healthy and happy.
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I’m so sorry for your loss Trevor. Those of us in recovery experience more deaths than normies in my opinion. This disease kills too many of our friends and family. We’re the lucky ones to have found a way out. It’s a daily reminder that we all have another relapse in us, but not all of us have another recovery. Sending you big hugs! 
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Thank you for being a guiding light in a dark world. Addiction is deadly and i appreciate you sharing as it sinks in my soul the seriousness.
Im with your sponsor remember you cant want someones sobriety more than they do. It doesnt work like that but you are an awesome friend to help guide. Be at peace with the outcome either way and just acknowledge the things within and outside your control my friend.
Much love
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I’m sorry about your loss Trevor. It never gets easier to see others we know lose their battle. I unfortunately like many others here have seen lots of it over the years where I had almost started to feel kind of numb to it all until I lost someone who was like an older brother to me back in November. It took a little while but That was what finally made me realize I needed to change and find a new way of living. If nothing else I’m pretty sure he’d kick my dead ass if I needed up wherever he is right now lol. Like others have said I think it’s amazing you are going the extra mile to help a friend right now but I see your sponsors point as well. You can’t beat yourself up if he doesn’t follow through with his end of the deal on this. Whatever happens you did your best to get him on the right path. That being said I hope it goes the way you’d like it to.
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Luv from the other side of the globe bro!!!
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Thank you For the responses and reaching back And understanding @Cjp @CanadianGirl @tailee17 @Lisa07 @Clayton18
As far as my friend passing it’s definitely tragic but this is something I am definitely going to go through in my recovery unfortunately and this is not the first time and this won’t be the last. My old life seems so far away that it doesn’t make sense to me anymore to relapse and go get a hotel like my friend did.. Obviously he wanted to isolate and he didn’t want to be bothered and that’s exactly what he got. I don’t know how many times in the past that I had the thinking.. well I’ll just do my thing for a while and I’ll go to medical detox when it gets bad. I probably did that 20+ times or more. Never once in the past did I think maybe I won’t make it back. Because I thought I was invincible and I was very arrogant. I’m grateful because there’s nothing That can happen in my life right now where some opiates or liquor will solve the problem. Like I have said in previous posts it’s not that my life is easy but it’s way easier without all of the bullshit associated with drugs and alcohol. There is a lot of people in my net work that have been trying to understand what my friend was thinking and at the end of the day he wanted to drink and he thought he could get away with it. That’s all it is. He forgot that he is an alcoholic. I refuse to forget that I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.
After listening to some of the advice on here and some of the things you guys have said plus my sponsor and people in my net work I’m realizing that I am putting more work into my friend getting sober than he is. Now that I think about it that’s pretty ridiculous. Why am I reaching out for phone assessments and calling different places and scheduling things? This friend is an adult that can function and can do all these things Unless it involves getting better. I’m going to go meet with him one more time tomorrow and more than likely there’s going to be an excuse why he can’t go to detox Monday. Then I’m going to be honest and I’m going to tell him he’s on his own and I won’t be helping him with anything anymore. But there’s also the possibility I’ll be surprised and maybe he’s sick and tired of being sick and tired. Either way I know that I did my part and if he wants to call about seriously going to detox then I’ll be there. To be honest I don’t want to listen to his sad stories anymore about how he’s hungry or it’s hot out or whatever because he’s choosing that life and he has options and he chooses to buy fentanyl instead of food Or the things he actually needs. It’s crazy because half the time I know I’m being manipulated but I still help him. I have to give him the tough love because people did it to me and if people kept giving me things and not holding me accountable then I wouldn’t be sober. If people kept letting me off the hook and Not calling me out then I wouldn’t be sober or have a long-term sobriety.
In a way this is frustrating.. It’s weird being on the other end of this thing. In the last year and a half I really have felt what my parents must have felt for the last decade and the people closest to me. I really understand how selfish I was and I realize how much my choices effected my family and friends.
I think as far as helping people with recovery or getting into medical detox or whatever it is I feel like my bullshit meter is only going to get stronger the longer I stay sober.
Ps: thank you again for those that reached out with some of their experiences and insight. To be honest I regretted making the original post but I don’t believe in deleting things anymore. I also needed time to process my friends passing And also think about how to approach my friend that is needing help..
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489
Haven’t posted on this thread in a few weeks. In a sense I’ve definitely been tested the last couple weeks but I wouldn’t say related to cravings just tested with stress levels. I haven’t had a desire to drink or do drugs since the day before I went to jail 16 months ago. But like I said I’ve been tested. For the most part I have handled things pretty well I think. But it did feel like one thing after another. It’s moments like this where it’s 9 o’clock at night and all of my obligations are done that I sit back and find gratitude and feel happy about my life. It’s moments like this I really appreciate the small things. I mowed the lawn today. I went to a meeting. I called a few alcoholics. I went for a walk. I rode my skateboard. I played guitar. I got some fish tacos at one of my favorite restaurants. Today was a good day off of work. And after posting I’ll probably find a good movie to watch to complete today. I say all of that to say these are the moments that make up for those hard times that I push through.
Tomorrow I have to get a tooth pulled and it’s one of my back teeth that is pretty big and will definitely effect eating. Though to be honest with the amount of drugs And alcohol I drink for 15 years straight pretty much I’m surprised I’m only have one tooth missing after tomorrow. I was thinking today that I am proud of myself for telling the dentist office that I have a problem with opiates.. that I’m sober and I don’t want to be prescribed anything or given anything during this procedure. In the past to be honest the only reason I would’ve had this done is to get a prescription for Percocet or oxycodone. Which in earlier years would have done the job but to be honest in later years would have been sold for something stronger..But I’m happy that I have no desire for any substance because it leads to a crazy amount of bullshit and basically traps my life into a corner. I’d rather continue to have my sobriety and my freedom. I’d rather be alert and living life then nodding out and dying. I’m definitely nervous about tomorrow but I have every reason to be. Who wants to go get a tooth pulled? Nobody.. But to be honest I probably have 16 months sober because of doing a lot of things I don’t want to do. Doing what’s right and makes sense.
Grateful for another day above ground. Grateful for my life and the people that are in it.
The only way is forward
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You have a great attitude. You and your posts are a great asset to this site. Many of your posts made me think about my journey as well as others.
Thanks for that.
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Don’t worry every thing will be great at the dentist appointment.
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Thank you for your kind words. Definitely makes me feel more comfortable about posting on here. When I first made this thread it was mainly to have a time capsule of sorts but also even if only one person can be helped from this than my goal is reached.
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God help me lol
You know when you want to play hooky but you can’t…. If the apocalypse happens at 11:45 AM tomorrow I won’t be that upset
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Hope everything goes well at your appointment today
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Good luck with your appointment today. I’m glad you are on this side of things now and that you are part of this sober community. 
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