Hi everyone. I’m extremely shy and nervous about posting anything but fighting my urges alone hasn’t worked. Failure and climbing myself out of a hole seems to be totally easy for me to sober up but the hardest part is when I’ve been sober for a week. Things start to balance out and I start feeling happy and then I find myself at the snap of a finger hungover the next day, starting over. I keep pressing the restart button and I feel aweful that I keep doing this. I’m also married and this has truly run our marriage through the mud and thank God he still wants to be with me, but even when I see him starting to enjoy my presence again I’m driven to drink more. Am I just happier being sad and having those around me miserable and hate me? What the hell is going on?
Feel like I’ve been through what you are talking about in some ways for sure. Doing it alone didn’t work for me either. I’m just so happy I found this app and I have been succeeding much more with support from others and knowing that I’m not alone. I’m really glad you’re here and I hope that you can share more and keep reading because there’s so much support here.
I believe it’s called addiction and that’s why we are all here❤️ we are stronger together. One thing that has helped me is to find my triggers and sometimes yes it’s because I forgot the reasons that I regretted drinking then I started to feel happy again and that excitement led me to grab another drink. If that might be part of what’s happening have you tried making the journal or a list of the way that you feel when you do drink and all the reasons why you don’t want to. The thing that really works for me is to remind myself that I never regret waking up sober but I always regret taking a drink. I have other triggers too, like exhaustion and hunger and I’ve been trying to really get in touch with those. I hope that you can find some support here and other things that will help you get through this. We are all here for you.
I think it makes perfect sense. When hungover, and feeling the negative effects, it is easier to want to quit. Like you say, when things get better, it is conversely harder to stay quit, because that external motivation has gone.
If u cannot get sober alone, you need some help. I could not do it under my own steam either. Are u in any sort of program? My first ‘program’ was an online course called Annie Grace’s 30 day experiment. You quit alcohol for 30 days, watch daily videos and do reflections. It gave a great start into sobriety. In the end, for me that was not enough, and I tried aa. I dipped my toes in slowly. just listening to meetings at first, which u can find at Browse the Directory of Online Meetings | Online Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous
Eventually, I did the steps, and have an online home group.
My journey is not ur journey. But keep trying new things and adding to ur ‘tool box’ until u get a system tha works for you, is the same for everyone I think.
Good luck, and keep us posted 
Welcome!
Many of us have found this to be true. Coming and being active will help. Lots of advice and support here.
I relate to your experience.
We change when we are sober. This can scare the shit out for me personaly! When people we love appreciate sober me, I feel overwhelmed. Like: Now there are expectations! To be normal, good vibes, I can live my duties and everyday life resposibly, meet expectations … And I would love to!!!
To be honest: This fairy tale is told by my own setup brain in recalibration.
Step back.
Appreciate the good “sober goings”.
Don’t try to reproduce them. Don’t try to “hold” them.
It’s called ODDAT. One day at a time. One hour. From minute to minute.
Go to sleep when you are tired. Make boundaries: Step back, meditate, have alone time, be kind to yourself, shut the world down.
Use HALT, great thread on here.
You need time to recover, it’s a straining work in progress.
Support yourself and stay away of stress as good as possible.
Drink a lot. Preferably water, lots of good threads here on the topic.
Keep trying. We are here for you.
Send you hugs and good vibes 
Welcome Elvis! 
No, you’re not happier being sad. You are an addict. Addiction has specific neurological and psychological effects. You are in a cycle of addiction, which is full of chaos and disorder and hurt - these are all parts of addiction - but you are opening your eyes and realizing that you need help, and that is your first step to freedom.
Now is the time when you make a choice. Do you want to be free of this? Is it your top priority? If yes, then stick around, strap yourself in, and get ready for a hard ride (but a valuable and doable ride) to a life where you feel good about yourself.
If getting sober is your top priority, ask yourself some questions: am I willing to go to groups? (Resources for our recovery) Am I willing to seek psychiatric assessment to see if I have a mental illness? (relatively common in people with addiction, myself included) Am I willing to do rehab (inpatient or outpatient)? Am I willing to check in here every day to keep myself grounded, and to reach out for help when I’m feeling stuck or vulnerable? (Checking in daily to maintain focus #41)
Etc etc 
Keep moving forward one day at a time and remember: you’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. Stick with it and don’t give up.