Welcome Elvis! 
No, you’re not happier being sad. You are an addict. Addiction has specific neurological and psychological effects. You are in a cycle of addiction, which is full of chaos and disorder and hurt - these are all parts of addiction - but you are opening your eyes and realizing that you need help, and that is your first step to freedom.
Now is the time when you make a choice. Do you want to be free of this? Is it your top priority? If yes, then stick around, strap yourself in, and get ready for a hard ride (but a valuable and doable ride) to a life where you feel good about yourself.
If getting sober is your top priority, ask yourself some questions: am I willing to go to groups? (Resources for our recovery) Am I willing to seek psychiatric assessment to see if I have a mental illness? (relatively common in people with addiction, myself included) Am I willing to do rehab (inpatient or outpatient)? Am I willing to check in here every day to keep myself grounded, and to reach out for help when I’m feeling stuck or vulnerable? (Checking in daily to maintain focus #41)
Etc etc 
Keep moving forward one day at a time and remember: you’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. Stick with it and don’t give up.