Definitely thriving sober, and I was definitely a dive before. Welcome, @MizKay.
I always loved the phrase “functional alcoholic.” Like “functional” is such a high bar. 
12 Likes
I can relate to all of this. Thanks for sharing.
Omg that’s so true!!! Lol. Thanks for your comment.
Welcome Kay! This forum has helped me tremendously and I’m sure you’ll have the same experience. Keep reading and interacting.
4 Likes
Yes @Eke dont you know you have to meet strict standards to be a “functional alcoholic”
I believed I was one I was functional until I wasn’t
3 Likes
Welcome Kay.
I was a “functional drinker” for 45 years. I got one year sobriety yesterday. And I owe it all to the support I get here at TS, 2 kids that are recovering addicts and God. Oh and Alanon.
I turned 60 last January and I just got tired of living my life around My Booze. This community is very welcoming and supportive and helpful.
I posted this today on the
It’s from my smart ten year recovering daughter after I told her of my one year story.
“Dad, whether or not you had a problem with alcohol isn’t as important as how you feel today on this journey!”
And I feel amazing!!!
10 Likes
Yet. Anything you haven’t done is a not yet. Sounds like you have a lot to lose if you keep drinking.
2 Likes
It sounds like your intelligence works against you, in some ways. And you ARE intelligent. Unfortunately, you can be a high-functioning alcoholic and also be very bright. Maybe even often be very bright, as I have seen that many intelligent people seem to have issues that lead to substance abuse.
You found a good, supportive sober community here. Welcome 
6 Likes
Welcome Kay! I found trying to moderate all consuming. Once I said enough is enough, everything got quieter and the weight began lifting. I do not regret for one second becoming a non drinker. Sure at times of high stress, my brain says… wine would make all this easier but it wouldn’t! I’ve learnt tools to deal with the triggers and this place is my number one tool. I come here everyday, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. It works! Some many lovely people and some cracking wisdom. I wish you well on your journey, welcome to the family 
7 Likes
This is amazing. Congratulations and thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your kind words 
I think part of it too is that I micromanage myself which both drives me to drink and yet makes me put rules and barriers in place which stop it from getting as bad as it could. But regardless, I always lose control at some point.
1 Like
100% - you’ve got that right! And I’ve had some pretty dark moments which I’m discounting for some reason.
“All consuming”
Oh my gosh you hit that nail on the head. I could have organized a military with the amount of time and effort I spent divising and reevaluating moderation plans. The obsessive energy it takes to figure out what exactly I’m going to drink and when exactly I’m going to drink it, and then debating myself to justify being able to start drinking at an earlier time of day, or to justify having more than I intended. Every minute I wasn’t drinking was spent in anticipation of when I would have that next drink. Somehow two drinks in a day - which I would consume in less than an hour - took over my mind for the whole day or week. When I was last drinking I thought I was a genius because I figured out that I could freeze wine in single portions and thought that that would stop me from over-drinking. Spoiler alert - it didn’t. I mean, just creating that kind of a strategy is a pretty clear indicator that there’s a problem. Even at the time I could see that but I thought I could make it work. Or maybe I just wanted to make it work as long as I could.
But nothing feels as good as being sober for me, honestly. I pray that in the future I don’t get seduced by the lie that alcohol is relaxing or the lie that I have control.
Thanks for commenting.
6 Likes
Wow, it sure does. I usually tend to think of myself as a “gray area” kind of person in general as I hate being boxed in with labels and such… but this does NOT work with drinking. I would have considered myself a high functioning alcoholic, but damn, it is NOT the kind of achievement I’m looking for anymore. Knowledge is power! It’s an uncomfortable mirror to look into.
2 Likes
Id est quia (it is, because it is). This is a Latin logic statement, the ultimate proof, the debate-ender be it and internal or external debate. Doesn’t matter if someone else views it differently. This is true for you.
I’ve used this statement as a way to focus my determination. A lighthouse shining in the fog and darkness to guide me around rocks and shoals of destructive thinking. I hope this small simple phrase helps you.
1 Like
Thanka Stevie. This really resonates. I’m going to write that our and pin it up on my wall.
1 Like
Thanks for sharing. This really resonated with me. A lot of similarities for sure. Let’s change that together 
1 Like
Same. I believe in the beauty of grey, but I cant do it with substances
As far as high functioning I worked in a govt job making decent money, not a bad gig with good benes and job security, if I wasn’t lit up from the booze, couldn’t go to work stinking like it but I had a few times, I was abusing my prescriptions
Never missed a day of work, and did plenty overtime.
Then my substance abuse just took over, I got deeper into the abuse and it destroyed my family my answer hole up in an expensive hotel for a month to get wasted and die in a lifestyle of thr rich and famous gig, still went to work still did what I had to do, but was an empty version of myself, needless to say when dying by my own hands didn’t work. I realized I really wasn’t functioning at all,
4 Likes