Night shifts are rough. Sorry it’s hard for him - and hard for you. Those times are tough 
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@Lisa07 will you post your why list for me please I’ve seen it but I don’t remember the thread
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I’m gonna go ahead and check in because I think I’m about to go to bed. I woke up at 2:30 this morning and then was having anxiety over work so I logged in a bit after 3. I worked a full 12 hours and was typing for almost all of it. So many admits. Covid is hitting the nursing homes bad.
I’m probably just tired and not thinking straight but I have thoughts of moderation in my head and last time those started I ended up drinking a month later. I remember quitting cigarettes and it was hard but I never over the past few years have had thoughts like I do with alcohol because I know better. Somehow it just doesn’t register the same for drinking. I hope one day it will and I hope I can make it one day at a time until it does finally register.
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Stay strong!! Like you said, we all know that moderation won’t work for any of us here. That’s a dark road you don’t want to go down.
Take a deep breathe and just let the thoughts of moderation pass.
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It wasn’t me. Maybe you’re thinking about the one Sassy posted? It’s a perfect list and I have it bookmarked.
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I have the same list bookmarked! 
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Hey lady! I’m glad you posted this. I was up most of last night and had thoughts of one day having drinks only on vacation. I’ve been a bit more stressed than usual, not job stress, but not 
myself. It helps to admit that here. Working 12 hours a day knowing that there isn’t an end in site immediately would be difficult. Hang in there. I truly never want to go back to the misery that was my drinking, but damn it if those thoughts don’t pop in every once in awhile.
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It all starts with the thoughts creeping in. All the alcohol lies. I HATE the alcohol lies. My son moved to FL last month and his roommate moved out yesterday. They were living in a condo I own. I went over today and there was 1/2 bottle of wine in the fridge. I had that damn moment. I was going to dump it but I got distracted and forgot. But now I’m thinking about it. It all starts with a thought. I WILL dump it next time. Stay strong, Jenn.
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Good for you for posting Jenn. It sounds to me over the last few months and especially since early December you’ve been feeling overstretched and depleted. Is that right?
You’ve been wrestling with wanting something to change for a long time, even going down to divorce. The drinking thoughts are the same: just some type of escape. It sounds like you’re hungering for a change.
The question is, what new thing do you need?
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I really enjoyed Station Eleven. The last few episodes really tied it all together. I read the book 10 years ago when it came out…it is quite lyrical and compelling. They did change some things for the show (a lot actually), but it was all with the original author and it works. Who knew a story about a worldwide pandemic could bring us back to the importance of connections and how interwoven we all are. 
I hope you enjoy the show as much as I did.
And also that you are finding my list as helpful as I have. It was a real game changer for me when I first heard of keeping a list (aka play the tape forward) in my early days here.
(apologies again to @les for the book suggestion at the beginning of our pandemic)
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I have to be careful about how many hours I work. Even when I feel guilty for letting a problem slide or having the added stress of a little shame when I’m late, that is better for me than working massive hours, getting trapped in my own head, growing resentments, and winding up emotionally fatigued. Your thoughts about moderation might be a sign that something else is off track with you, and I’m suggesting it might be self-induced work stress.
Blessings of peace and serenity may they shower on you.
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Thanks for the responses guys and the list that’s not yours @Lisa07 
I feel better waking up today. I just slept almost 10 hours! I know I’m not alone in my thoughts so thank you for reminding me of that as well @LeeHawk and @Mbwoman
@Matt I don’t know if I need change or need to learn that this is the current way of life. I’m thinking of joining a martial arts gym if I can work it into the budget so that would be something new.
I am enjoying station eleven. I didn’t know it was an actual book. There is one in the show but I just figured it was part of the tv show lol @SassyRocks I’m gonna save your list to my phone now. Who knew your list would become so many others as well
@SinceIAwoke I have no doubt it is the want to escape self imposed stress. My weekends are always hard but one of my ladies and her newborn have covid. She is doing her best to still work but she is in and out of the workflow and I’m trying to be understanding and just handle the extra work. I’m off tomorrow. Gonna get that run in that I’ve been wanting.
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You’re taking in a lot, professionally and emotionally. Take care of yourself Jenn. When you end up on the other side of the pharmacy game - as a wise senior, picking up prescriptions - you want to have some kind of peace 
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A good night sleep is huge!! And I hope you can fit in the martial arts. That sounds like a GREAT fit for you for more than a few reasons. I have to say I admIre you for working at home and staying on task for hours. I worked at home for five months during the first months of COVID. It was rough. I had trouble staying on task. Then again, so much worry and uncertainty back then. Anyway…I’m sure it is a challenge at times.
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Oh! A beautiful long sleep is so restorative! What a gift!!
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Checking in. Work wasn’t near as busy as yesterday so that was nice then did a bit of laundry and made dinner. Off tomorrow and thinking about a sunrise run and maybe starting a new puzzle. I’ve been getting the itch for a hike so looking and planning a bit which only makes me want to go more lol
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You guys are so lucky down there in New Mexico / Arizona - there’s so many cool formations and so much cool geology down there. (I am a bit of a geology nerd. Very basic but I find the whole thing fascinating. If I went hiking with you I would be riveted by the rocks and the hills!)
Have fun!
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Actually it makes me think of rattlesnakes and Gila monsters and scorpions and and and…do you go to places where wild beasts might be? What sort of precautions do you take?
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I work as an HR Director is a SNF. Shit is still hard! I’m also certified in all transfers and patient care so I try to help my Aids and nurses. While I cant pass meds, I can sit with difficult residents while they take the meds, which helps the nurses move to the next pass. I also help out in dietary.
This can make it difficult to find the time to hire during an already difficult economy. But I just remember why I’m there. To enrich the lives of others.
You do a selfless job and for that, I thank you!
Hang in there, were in this ( sobriety and Covid) together!
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