Very new to this and feeling a bit nervous. I am 33 years old and have been drinking since I was about 16. I’m generally a pretty shy person around new people and alcohol makes me a lot more fun around large groups of people or where I feel uncomfortable. It’s ok if I’m at home with my boyfriend and we have a bottle of wine which usually turns into 2 or 3 which I guess is not fine.
I never know when to stop. When we go out I have bad black outs nearly every time and don’t know who I’ve offended or what I’ve done in the mornings. Whenever the conversation starts with “do you remember getting home” I know I’ve done something appalling.
My personality just changes completely. A week ago I clawed my boyfriends arm open for reasons I’m not too sure of … He was probably trying to help me as I was getting out of hand. He forgives me as he too gets to the point where he is impossible when he drinks and says things he doesn’t mean so it kind of evens it out.
I feel a bit scared as I think if I stop drinking I’m going to never be able to go out with my friends because there will be too much pressure to drink and the risk of giving in.
Best gift you can give yourself is to be sober. And I mean it 100%. I too was in a situation like you. What did I do, how did I humiliate my husband this time, is he angry, what will happen now etc etc
Horrible horrible anxiety every single time. I am now sober for almost 4 months and the recovery and progress I have made has truly been a blessing. It hasn’t been easy. My marriage didn’t survive (husband is also a heavy drinker). Lots of self growth and dealing with anxious situation (I suffer from social anxiety, huge part why I started drinking in the first place). But, at the end of the day (literally lol), I am sober and don’t feel like a nut case most of the times… It has been worth it and I don’t think I will go back. You can do this, welcome to the forum and hope to see you around!
Hi Deb, yeah, I stopped going out with my “friends” before Christmas, so slowly they faded out and stopped asking. It’s important to focus on being healthy yourself and live the life you want to. Maybe in time, you can still go out and have a non-alcoholic beverage with what sounds like your real friends. Give it a shot! Focus on self-care. C
@Kathy of course! It’s amazing how just the feedback makes you feel better about yourself. Amazed to see how many people struggle with the same things!
@Laualamp ya i have anxiety as well and now that I’m back from leave everyone wants to go for drinks and cocktails and things and I don’t know how to say that I don’t want too! I’ve said I’m going to stop so many times before so everyone thinks it’s hilarious and I think the last time they were having bets on how long it would last! My boyfriend is also quite a heavy drinker so I think it must be hard if one person tries to better themselves and the other carries on as is.
I’m sorry but your so called “friends” sound horrible and not supportive at all. I would suggest you think hard about finding some sober hobbies and sober friends. (I am working on that myself as well).
Hi @Debs and @Kathy welcome to the forum. Congrats on taking the first big step.
Every issue you mentioned has been raised before, and there really are solutions. It may be hard to see now. Spend some time reading around the forum, and you will see how much we have in common.
Here is a useful thread on getting through early recovery:
I’m here for basically the same reasons as you. And my boyfriend was a heavy drinker, so flip a coin to determine who would be the bigger POS on a weekend bender.
When I quit drinking my BF didn’t. But, he cut down dramatically, to the point where his drinking is no longer at the problem level. My quitting cold turkey was a big wake up call to him.
One suggestion I would make… are there any hobbies you and your BF could take up? I have so much more time on the weekends (previously the entire weekend was spent alternating between getting hammered and recovering). I threw myself into an old hobby we both used to enjoy, and he followed suit. It’s important to find something to do sober that you both enjoy.
I’ve been there. I was about your age when I quit drinking. I was also scared of missing out with my friends, but it has turned out to be the best thing that happened to me.
Don’t feel scared or ashamed, a lot of us have been in your shoes, and worse! You’re in the right place. It all starts with one day at a time. It took me a few years to totally quit drinking by the way, I’d quit for a few months then go out one night all night, then stop again, etc etc. eventually I had just had enough and it’s been almost 3 years now. My last drink was just one glass of wine after a few months of not having any, and it really wasn’t a great night. I was just done
Reach out if you need any help or support, I’m around!
Friends already making plans for the weekend involving drinking games. I haven’t replied coz all my “I don’t want to drink” excuses seem lame. Have always wanted to try one of those 12 week body transformation challenges that are strict with alcohol and using that as my excuse
Hey and welcome! I’m very glad your here . You can do this! I recommend focusing on what is in right now anytime you get too concerned about the future. The future for me can even be five minutes from now at times. It has helped me to think about things immediately around me. I pull back to only things that my senses can absorb: what I can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. I call this grounding. It helps me a lot. Maybe it will help you when you are feeling anxious about things. For me, I can get anxious about just about anything, and it was especially worse in the first few days of going without alcohol and drugs, but it got much much easier. You can do this! I have faith in you.
Congrats on taking the first big step.
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