To pub or not to pub?

Life in Recovery
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So…I’ve had many day 1s through my journey…and it always seems to be my “social” side that sets me to relapse.
So far I’m on day 20 and for once I’ve got a support group and a materials to aid my recovery.

So the question when is too soon to go to the pub with friends or colleagues…it seems without the pub I’ll miss a lot of social meets and to be honest probably lose a few friends.

Anyone else had this dilemma?

Side note I’ve avoided people to aid my sobriety as some dont understand the severity or the commitment I’m choosing to take

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I was able to easily avoid bars and restaurants for the first several months of my sobriety because of quarantine.

I think the first time I went to have a meal out and sat at the bar was probably 5 or 6 months into my sobriety and I didn’t have too much trouble with it at all. It did bring back a bunch of memories but I mentally prepared myself and was able to have a sober lunch with no problems.

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Any advice for the preparations…given most of my friends if not all drink excessively and my workplace is fairly laddish so friday drinks is usually always in the pipeline

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I don’t really have any good advice for that from experience, I’m sorry!

I have still stayed away from friends that drink heavily up to this point, when I have gone out it has been with my wife or other friends who only have a couple drinks with a meal.

Just off the top of my head I would say maybe come with an excuse to leave. In advance you could tell your friends that you can only stay for 30 minutes or 1 hour, something like that and just make up a reason you need to leave if that’s easier. Then they won’t expect you to get drunk with them.

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I could do it and I kept it up for a while too but it just wasn’t fun to see people getting drunk while staying sober. Conversations with drunks are stupid. And the folks in the pub turned out not to be my friends but my drink buddies. Who weren’t my buddies no more once I quit. So yes, tbh you could lose some ‘friends’ over this. But are those true friends/ And is it worth it? (yes!) Is it worth going back to drinking over it/ Absolutely not!

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I’ve been going out a lot lately, to see live music mostly. Before I go, I play the tape to the end. I imagine realistically what would happen if I were to drink tonight. It always ends with me in a terrible place. While I’m out I see a lot of people lose their inhibitions and start acting in a way I know they wouldn’t want to be acting normally. I don’t try to compare myself to them in a way where I feel superior… more so I put myself in their shoes and think “I would hate feeling that way, I would hate being out of control and easily taken advantage of, easily fucking things up in my world”

I also try to see my place there, I’m there to be someone’s DD. And I find self respect and humbling responsibility in that thought. However, I don’t recommend being DD if you are newly sober. Tbh I don’t recommend going to bars if you’re newly sober. But if you do, you will most likely want to leave early and if you are kinda forced to stay there, it sucks!

I also realize how tired I get when I’m out for more than a couple hours. And how before I would just ignore the signals my body was giving me and just continue to get drunk and stay up late, only to have a massive hangover the next day. I no longer want to betray myself in those ways… and it feels really nice to honor my body’s needs.

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Also there’s this… if I’m seeing live music, I’m ok to be in a setting where people are drinking. But if my friends want to go to a different bar where the focus is solely on drinking and hanging out… it gets sooooo boring pretty quickly. Mostly because I’m not looking to interact in the same way as the people there (usually they are there to flirt and hook up, which is great for them if that’s what they want)… being a woman it’s a little tricky making platonic conversation but that’s a personal issue.

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I stayed away, being sober was far to important. For me, if I had to ask if it was to soon…then it was to soon.

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Sound like the life change is drastic and not just putting down the drink…far deeper and greater

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You also find out who you needed to be drunk to tolerate! :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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You have to ask yourself, if they are truly authentic friends, why would you assume you will loose them… Life CHANGES in sobriety. Everything litetally changes. Along with the people who are not meant to be in your life… Hell I edited my social circle so dramatically to stay clean, that the only friend I made and kept was A BIRD :joy: literally… It was a safe option :joy:

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There are some brilliant tips about sober socialising on these older threads, would recommend!

Should I go to the party, wedding, holiday get together? And what about drink after work?

(Advice for holidays, parties, weddings, etc)

("Let's grab drinks")

First sober party :see_no_evil:

Taken from the Frequently asked questions about sobriety for newcomers thread

I did my first proper boozy social when I was about 1.5 months sober. It was with my old school friends who I love dearly and it was an important occasion for me. I was nervous but had a plan (drove, had a light drinker as a mocktail buddy, left early ish, had a good reason and motivation to get up early with a clear head). It was wonderful to be sober and present, to appreciate all the conversations and wake up hangover free!

I tried meeting former drinking buddies in the pub a few times in the months after that, and it was just pretty boring. Those people faded away from my life and I don’t miss it. They are nice people and I can appreciate the role they played in my life but we’re just into different things now.

I didn’t live near enough work to be part of the social scene anyway. I went to the work Xmas do when I was about 7 months in. Something I noticed then, and at other times, was that most people actually didn’t drink as much as I thought - I.e. as much as I did. It was quite eye opening. Other people do just have one, other people do leave early. The hardcore drinkers don’t notice or care, they are too busy getting drunk!

Something I also learned through sobriety (still learning!) is how to be more comfortable in my own company. One of the reasons I drank was to fit in, in the misguided aim of giving me confidence. It took a while but once I found my sober groove, I realised it was all there in me anyway.

Only you know when its the right time to dip your toe back into the water. It doesn’t happen over night, but these situations do get easier to navigate. No need to rush, the pub will still be there if and when you’re ready :pray: :sparkling_heart:

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I get it. I am only on day 10 today but last night I was walking around London and everyone was sitting outside the pub. Drinking and laughing. It was the laughing that did it. I felt soooo sad and lonely. They weren’t that drunk yet so it just seemed a lovely scene. So I feel ya!
I toyed with the idea of asking my partner if we could go and have an alcohol free beer, and we might do that some time this weekend. I guess we all need some sober friends! And I guess that takes a while.

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Mmmmm there is still alcohol in alcohol free beer. Do some research and see how you. It may have changed but I’m pretty sure there is still a super minimal amount. Almost no exsistant. Like %.1 or something lol. Dont quote me on that number lol but have a read up and see if its accurate :v: