Considering that my part always includes how I react to the conflict, and what value I place on being in the right, it’s going to be the greater part of all conflicts of my day.
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Much like there is no problem a drink can’t make worse, there is no conflict that my reaction can’t make worse. It would be really helpful if I could start at the place where I can view a conflict through someone else’s lens, because it would probably start most conflicts before they start. However, most times it take some pain before I can get there.
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I decided to check out a different meeting today and there was a person coming back. Shaking real bad, looking pretty rough, typical relapse stuff. The chair person asked for a topic so I suggested the first step since we had someone coming back.
Well she immediately piped up that she didn’t need any help with the first step as she already knew all about it. However, if she’s out there relapsing she clearly doesn’t know enough about it.
I get that level of alcoholic hubris as I once had it myself. But in reality if I’m continuing to relapse I clearly don’t know shit about staying sober.
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Reaching out for help after you relapse is like calling the fire department after your house is already burned down.
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100% Truth. But just maybe some of the fire department members do jobs on the side and can help with building a new house…
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Life is only as hard as we make it. People like us have this natural talent to take challenging situations and make them 100% worse.
Do yourself a favor today and get out of your own way.
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Amen. Bookmarked this gem and set a reminder 
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Hobbies are not a recovery plan.
Hobbies are a thing you get to enjoy when have a solid recovery plan.
The more you know.
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Just a reminder. If you are reading this you cannot drink or drug safely!
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Don’t tell me what to do, buddy!
I’ll show you!
[ proceeds to dig a deep hole of anxiety, depression, desperation, self-loathing and poorly formed poops ]
Hah!
I showed that @Englishd bloke a thing or two.
Sucker
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I know on this forum we often, and rightfully, caution against dating in early sobriety. The pitfalls are many and the rewards scarce. How, that dead horse has been beaten enough today.
Today’s reminder is about people with long term sobriety dating people with less than a year. Reminds me of a saying “they’ll get you drunk long before you get them sober”. If you’ve been on this forum a long time you’ll remember my first relationship “Kay” who had significantly more sobriety than I. We joked about it then but in reality what she did was not okay. She took as a of me when I was in a state of desperately wanting connection. She should have known better. Luckily I didn’t relapse, but a lot of harm came out of the relationship.
If you’ve got some time just leave the newbies alone.
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I remember talking about gratitude with my sponsor very early on. I was listening of my gratitude list one by one. When I got through it he asked me this question “so what are you doing to show your gratitude for all of those things?”
If you’re grateful for your apartment do you make sure to keep it clean and always pay the rent?
If you’re grateful for your partner do you something special for them every day?
Grateful for your job, do you show up every day and on time?
But most importantly he asked, if you’re grateful for your sobriety what things are doing to make sure you keep it?
Let that sink in.
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The deadliest words someone who is trying to get sober can ever say is “I will never do ….”
Usually the thing we will never do is the thing that will actually get us sober.
My first attempt at sobriety was littered with I won’t do this or that. I wouldn’t go to sober living. I won’t do the steps. All that meant is that I won’t stay sober.
My last attempt at sobriety I was willing to try anything. The I won’t changed to I will. And once I did the things I wasn’t willing to do before I stayed sober. It’s not a coincidence.
If you have a bunch of “I won’t” and not a bunch of days you might want to change your mindset to “I will”
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I think that is the definition of surrender. Thanks for this… Since I feel I have some experience (not alot) on this sober journey I am in a place I want to help and offer some suggestions on what worked for me. The minute I hear a “No that is not for me” I have to stop my mouth from spilling what I am thinking and say “may you find your own way and great if it works for you.” Even that sounds a bit sarcastic…
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Reminds me that, when you say you can’t, what you really mean you won’t.
I can’t remember where I heard that from… errr… I won’t remember… 
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There’s a lot of comfort in knowing that I am usually the biggest problem in my life. When I am the problem I at least have the ability to change it. Sure, change requires a lot of willingness and work, but at least it can be done.
But I would feel hopeless if I tried to blame everything and everyone for my problems. I have no ability to change anything other than myself so if everything else is the problem then it would never change. That’s a scary thought.
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Really good stuff! When I say I am enough I still know I can be better. To be honest so very much more than better. It is a full time job. Thanks for wisdom!
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Just a quick PSA:
If you have enough free time to be bored then you have enough free time to hit a meeting. Boredom is not a reason, or even excuse, to relapse.
When I first got sober I was unemployed. Despite that I still filled everyone of my days with IOP, AA/NA, reading, and exercise. I rarely had time to stop and think about relapsing because I was keeping my days full.
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Agree!!! Fortunately boredom is not a word I ever get to use. There are times I dream of doing nothing. Very rare occasions I grab a few minutes to not do a single thing. Thanks for sharing.
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Part of my boredom was quite possibly an effect of long term alcohol consumption. My brain could not make connections quickly, and I responded only to large stimuli. As my brain recovered, I started to become aware of my surroundings, then aware of smaller and smaller changes. I recovered the ability to synthesize smaller stimuli into larger responses - I could piece together details and fill in the gaps to imagine what the whole looked like.
As time went on, my boredom decreased. Today, I am frequently astonished at how quickly the end of the day arrives!
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