My concept and practice of prayer is quite fuzzy and not well defined. It’s certainly not in line with any religious dogma, I am more inclined to question and doubt than to accept. The book I read from daily does present me with this challenge regularly, as the spirituality it expresses is an odd mixture of early 20th century spiritualism, Christian dogma, and the personalization of the divine as male. It is much easier for me to accept the writings about the stream of goodness or the box of space and time, than it is for me to accept at face value that a prayer is a request straight to some divinity who will grant my wish if I am judged good enough.
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I first went to Al Anon, way back when. I was pulled aside in the dingy church kitchen and “interviewed” by a biker lady.
“Do you drink?” she asks stretching her neck with her neck.
“I have it under control” i answer sweating the way one does when someone is sitting so close, their knee is between your knees.
“You belong in AA” she says with no hesitation.
As i left the church, tail between my legs, i went to AA and got sober 2836 days ago.
I also went back to Al Anon, because it was intimately tied to my sobriety.
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Know I’m replying to a months old post. All the “find the people who have what you want and do what they do” stuff I heard in early recovery eventually clicked for me.
This realization that the people I hated cuz I saw them as better than me and felt like they were flaunting it? That wasn’t them being an asshole, it was me being jealous and them being happy.
Now when my eyes turn green I ask, what do they have that I don’t? And if I hang around or even ask them how they got it, they’re usually happy to tell.
Granted half the time I realize they worked their ass off to get it and maybe I’m not up to the task. But now at best I grow, and at least my envy turns into respect.
And either way, least I’m not salty about it anymore.
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This is merely a general observation and nothing more. Maybe a new person will read it and have something click before disaster hits.
I’ve been on this forum nearly 8.5 years and have seen it go through many seasons, but some truths have remained pretty much the same. Those who participate in this daily are generally those who achieve long term sobriety. Inversely the constant relapsers are the ones who appear for a few days after a relapse then disappear.
I have about 150 threads book marked of people who come here claiming desperation and the willingness to do anything to get sober. They do this every few months or so like clockwork.
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Everyone walks their own path, no matter what other people know or say. I have been here since 2016. Though I never really left and came back, I walked my own crooked path. There are long-term sobriety people I supported when I was WAY ahead of them, until I wasn’t.
This is the longest I have ever been free of alcohol. It likely was a near-death accident that finally straightened MY path. Who knows? 873.
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All I know is another day on here equals another day sober for me.
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Keep those observations coming. They keep me staying here. 
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I saw this early on in my AA life, when I was going to meetings downtown. We had folks we called “seagulls”. Swoop in, drop a load of shit, then swoop out and do not come back. Folks whose ass was on fire would come to a meeting, share about some drama and lack of sobriety, then leave and not come back consistently.
What I don’t know is how many seagulls eventually came to roost in AA and stayed. I switched up my meetings, and am doing so again, so I am seeing different faces now. These seagulls helped me, because they reminded me of how much I wanted the problem to be other people and circumstances, not my own drinking.
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When I first went to AA there was a core group of sober folk with 2 or more years. After my only relapse I retuned to my group to find the core still there. I felt so welcomed back and definitely told myself I must do what they are doing to remain sober… Now I am one of the core group. If anyone can see the benefits of sobriety I have found I am glad… Keep coming back….In 3 years I cannot count the number of people who came and are gone.. I know I am here to stay…
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I agree. Especially during those first couple years. I am so thankful that 9 years ago I found a group on here and bonded. I seriously don’t know how I could have made it this far without you all in the beginning.
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i NEVER KNOW if i am being disrespected or if i am genuinely in the wrong, i never want to delve into victim mentality ever again, how am i supposed to know for sure?
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Such a good question. my initial reaction is to say, if you take the position of ‘‘not a victim’’, this is the most helpful, this way you maintain an understanding that you have the power to chose your actions and reactions and focus on what outcome you wish, and what you agree is best (in a non-rigid, open minded way, but still a way where you make decisions and act accordingly). If you are being victimized by someone’s behavior, you still have a space to chose and act how you will respond.
A real victim, there needs to be a viable power dynamic.
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Not drinking is not enough. Once the bottle is out of the equation the real work begins. My first crack at sobriety I thought I could pass the test without doing the homework. Instead of a great life I remained selfish and resentful because I didn’t do anything to further my sobriety. And I’m not talking about exercise or chores, I’m talking about the deep introspective work that needs to occur for a person to achieve long term sobriety. Pick your path, but make sure you pick
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This is 100% true!!! Going thru the steps recently again, showed me many things about myself, that i am now able to work on (for example: selfishness, dishonesty, and fears). These character defects have impacted my life, even while being clean and sober for the past 4+ years. I wasnt using substances, but i was still trying to cope with life in unhealthy ways (such as with food). Im really noticing a difference now in my close relationships, my outlook on life, and my relationship with my HP, bcuz i am finally doing more of the work. I am not needing to cope in unhealthy ways bcuz I have that connection to a HP, that CAN remove my obsessions and defects. Getting rid of the drugs and alcohol where only a start.
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Amen 
I would like to add that what you said also applies to codependent patterns.
It starts to get a grip on them and stop the acting on codependent urges but the real moving away from codependency happens in tackling the underlying issues.
It’s a long way and hard work, requires honesty and uncomfortable introspect, building up healthy ways to deal with all sorts of emotions and learning to distinct genuine needs from urges that mask them.
I needed and still need therapy along reading a lot about it and putting in daily work. I found out that acohol was only a small part in this issue for me, it played a role as one of many unhealthy coping mechanisms. Taking it out of the equation didn’t change much but a sober brain was better capable of learning to sit with the inner turmoil. What really changed everything was getting to know myself better, treating myself with kindness and finding 1000 ways to redirect the energy of codependent urges into something not hurtful, destructive or self-sabotageing.
They still occur, mostly in settings I’m surprised and baffled, their intensity and duration is low & short and i can now notice them on the spot.
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This deep introspective work is not just for addicts but for everyone. No one has it all figured out, no one can get through life unscathed. Hurt people hurt people. I’ve needed therapy partly because of personal darkness, partly because people in my life have not engaged in inner healing work. I’m not promoting perfection but connection and accountability.
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Feeling cute, might delete later, idk.
What I do know is that if people put as much effort into their sobriety as they do into writing clever posts then they’d probably have a better chance at sobriety. No one is ever getting sober based on how many hearts they get on talking sober. When I first got sober I had a lot of fun here, but I also had a program, and I worked the shit out of it. But if all I was doing for sobriety was my stupid threads here I would not have made it.
But hey, maybe some people need the attention more than they need sobriety
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So many times, I circled the airfield of sobriety before coming in for a landing. Trying to distract myself from the fact that I needed to actually not take a drink and work specifically on my sobriety was part of the full-time job I had with drinking.
Maybe the folks with the popularity posts are “peri-sober” like I was.
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This is my main place for peer support and an integral part of my program of re/discovery. I’ve posted here daily for seven years. Doesn’t feel like wasted time to me.
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Why so judgemental? Why do you even care so much about what other people do wrong or right (in your opinion)?
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