Honestly for me I used to think about drinking in a completely unhealthy way. I always thought of the fun times I had. Never any of the bad things that came with it. When I decided I needed to quit this time I knew it had to be different. I couldn’t put alcohol on a pedestal like it was some great prize.
Instead I made a list of all the things I could think of that went wrong when I drank. I got a new notebook and basically filled it. I would write things down as memories came back to me. And trust me the longer I was sober the more my memory came back and the more I thought about things I did while drinking that made me feel physically sick. Things that I would never do sober.
I put a little plan in motion for myself.
Get up each day and write about what I wanted out of my sobriety and life.
List 3 things I am grateful for.
Listen to music and walk
Talk to people who are in active recovery.
Write one positive thing I can get from not drinking
Heal myself from past
Work on forgiveness for myself and others.
Unfriend anyone who isn’t happy for me and my sobriety. (This was a big one and I lost everyone at that time. I am now starting over with friends because I literally didn’t keep any)
Learn to love myself.
Think of all my reasons to not drink and write them down as I thought of them.
I started a blog, it didn’t last long.
Had a Sobriety related instagram for my first 2 years until it started to feel like a job and deleted it.
That helped a lot with my healing process because I was very open on there.
While it’s not your typical plan it works for me and I still do it. Not daily so much but a couple times a week I will write long posts in my journal. I do have a calendar that I custom made online that I do a short journal entry in every day and use my actual journal for days I have big emotions.
In hindsight, the half I lost encourage drinking. The half that remained were relieved I’m sober, and I realize now are also friends I look up to, even in middle age. People that have always inspired me to want to do better.
thank you for your sharing this with me. I recently committed myself to doing a 90 out of 90 on this forum with a partly similar ‘plan’ I need to surround myself with people that worked on their sobriety and found new meaning. I want to cut the crap and decide again to life and make the best of my changing life circumstances. instead of the road I choose now to go down on. Maybe my years of sobriety were still about improving myself so to be accepted. I thought I did it for me, but maybe… And now I have to do it for me and step out of this victim mode.
Over the last 2 months I’ve noticed I’ve been in a few more conflicts than normal. Some even increasing in to arguments. Now most of the time I feel as if my position has merit, if I’m not straight up right, on these issues. However, continuing to push my point has gotten me nowhere. In fact, it usually makes it worse. So in comes a favorite saying of mine, “you can be right or be happy”.
Well today I decided maybe I should follow my own advice during an argument. Now I felt as if I was not completely to blame for the argument, but I decided to stay silent on that issue. Well, I took my lumps and apologized. And I didn’t try to justify or explain anything. The argument ended. The dust has settled. And I feel much better. I could have made the situation worse and proved my point. Instead I swallowed my pride and the situation improved.
I’ve found that at the scene of all my arguments is me. I am the problem. No one else is to blame. Just me.
Fuckin A. If fighting everyone and everything isn’t the most exhausting thing ever. If acceptance isn’t the answer then I certainly don’t understand the question.
I always have issues with this when feeling very codependent to the person. Im worried i cant say things as i know it may be unsettling to hear but im also not mad if its ignored or followed. Its just an opinion or view. Being open to listen to other ideas is what helpped growth in relationships. Are we really the problem and should we hold our criticism or views to ourselves? They are also are free to walk away and ignore the issue and not antagonize or feed into it. Which ive had a rough week already with a couple people that had me stirred to no end. Writing out text telling them a piece of my mind, erase it and re-write it another way. Going back and forth with myself whether to tell them about themselves after slandering me and dont know me from a can of paint. Which i would have offered to fix or help with the issue if they didnt come at me sideways. After hrs of this tug of war . I just simply blocked them with no reply. I still feel stirred but i feel in the end it never matters whos right or wrong . It takes a stronger person to walk away from an issue than it does to feed into it. So in the end silence is virtue but its very hard to follow sometimes. Sometimes u just cant fix stupid.
I’m jumping in here too cos I have a work situation that I need to make a call on. I am technically still employed but on a zero hours basis but not done any work for anyone about a month. I was going to hand in my notice in July just when a big bit of work came in, so I offered to stay and help with that, about a day a week.
The board of directors were really rude about me to my line manager and have put the project I was working on, on hold. It is the latest of a number of issues where they have undermined, undervalued and underappreciated me (although always through my line manager, never directly, maybe it is my line manager who had the issue?).
I am going to hand in my notice but have written out a complaint with it and it’s making me so anxious. I have had advice from friends, family and former enployers to send the complaint but I can’t quite bring myself to do it because I’ve overthought it.
On the one hand, I have been treated badly and want it on the record, I don’t know if they are even aware of how upset about this I am and feel like they should want to know about the issues that lead staff to resign. I don’t really want to leave without them acknowledging the situation. On the other, I don’t know is this is my ego talking, and whether it would be better to just hand in my notice. Or if it’s just my mental health/ insecurity/ codependency that has bubbled up and twisted the whole situation to paint myself as the victim here.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for, it’s probably just one of things I have to make a call on and trust that whatever I do will be the right thing, but writing it down at least pulls it out of my head for a little while.
Well just like derek and i. no matter the issue u address can and probably will be a waste of effort and ignored once your gone. Most the time adding our two cents gets us no where. Everyone now of days seems way less understanding and selfish to care to be open minded. No one cares to hear the facts they just want it thier way. Its their business and if they wanna ruin it let it burn up in flames atleast you wont be in the middle of it. Some people think they know everything and whats best. Hopefully you can find a better place where your opinions are valued and not feel you have to hold criticism in. Personally i dont think we should but ive noticed anymore it gets me no where and easier to just let them go. Less conflict and more peace…
If it’s going to bring you more relief to let them know the problem, then do it. This isn’t going to be an argument, it’s a one way resignation. There is very small chance they will acknowledge it, but if they do, you may help people in the future. However, if it’s going to burn bridges or make you spend time worrying about it afterwards, don’t do it.
I personally ask everyone who resigns why they are doing it, but I’m weird and actually want to make changes.
Wow, thanks for sharing this Derek. So applicable in my own life right now. I literally just had a conversation with a friend only an hour ago, about how I have forgotten an important saying that can actually help me so much: “would I rather be right or be happy?!” I have a lot of up and downs with my family relationships, and it would really help if I kept this question at the forefront of my mind. Because the truth is, I would rather be happy! Always. Everytime. Nothing I say or do is going to change another’s thoughts, actions or behaviour. Only they can do that. I need to own up to my own BS and learn to accept people for who they are. I can choose if I want them in my life. I can choose how I react. I can choose to be calm and collected. I love this quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer - "peace is the result of processing life as it IS, not how you think it should be…"
I am responsible for my own emotions, reactions and happiness.
I’m thinking it’d help to understand your intention behind filing the complaint. Is it because you really hope it’ll make a difference down the road for someone else, or is it because you want a little jab at the board of directors on your way out, since you feel slighted? Have you voiced these issues to them before you decided to resign?
I’ve quit a job and given a laundry list of reasons why and complaints on the way out. The response was, more or less, “Good to know, but why didn’t you communicate this before, so it could be addressed?” It did make me feel petty and like I just wanted to enact some revenge as I left. I obviously wasn’t looking for a solution at that point. I just wanted to tell them why they sucked.
Both but also yes. I have had lots of conversations with my line manager but I am not sure how much has got through to them, and likewise how much of what she’s said to me has actually come from them…
That is a good way of looking at it. Something I am worrying about is it becoming a big drawn out thing which is not what I want. But I also feel that there is a lot about my time as an employee there that hasn’t been understood or acknowledged, and if that isn’t communicated to them (in a professional way of course, I’m not just calling them all arseholes), then it will just stay the same.
They paused the project I was working on because they realised how much shit they weren’t on top of, so if there’s a good time to do it in a way that’s constructive, now is probably it.
It sounds like you’re coming from a place of constructive feedback and I’m sure your delivery will be professional. It’ll be their choice whether they use the feedback down the road, or dismiss it, but you’ll know that you voiced yourself in a respectful way.
I think it isn’t a horrible idea, understanding a letter like that might also go no where. But also, is the letter as absolutely concise as it can be?
The action of resigning already says more than a letter. Doing so with as few words as possible is, to me, a stronger statement and brings more clarity than a long diatribe even if warranted.
Since you posted it on this thread, I’ll ask the hard question: Whatever their fault, what was your part? Is it possible there was a miscommunication here? Not meeting some (maybe poorly communicated) need of theirs?
It doesn’t really matter how big a PITA they were. You’re walking away. As long as for your own sanity in the future you know where you can do better and are satisfied. Then let them suck.
I recently committed myself to doing a 90 out of 90 on this forum with a partly similar ‘plan’ I need to surround myself with people that worked on their sobriety and found new meaning. I want to cut the crap and decide again to life and make the best of my changing life circumstances. instead of the road I choose now to go down on. Maybe my years of sobriety were still about improving myself so to be accepted. I thought I did it for me, but maybe… And now I have to do it for me and step out of this victim mode.
but also yes. I have had lots of conversations with my line manager but I am not sure how much has got through to them, and likewise how much of what she’s said to me has actually come from them…