you’d probably never know it if you did though
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Exactly! Which is why it is slightly terrifying and paranoia inducing
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No chance of that. We’ve got history, and the mutual respect that comes along with it.
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Changing the forum name to talking moderation
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This would be the right thread for telling someone to wake the fuck up
I see them. They are “tire kicking” sober life. They are still in negotiations for co-existence with their addiction. I think many of us went through this stage, just not on the forum.
What’s frustrating to me is I came to this forum in the beginning willing to do “whatever it takes”, and not having a complete understanding of what “whatever it takes” entailed, I figured I’d go where I could find those who did. I wanted “no shit” information as in “here’s what worked for me” and “yeah, I tried that too. Here’s why it failed”.
I think some are searching for something yet to be defined in their addicted brains. I try to help provide clarity as plainly as I can.
While I hate to use certain analogies, some people are “fear biters”. You extend the hand to help, but are met with a snarl or a snap. For those, I’d still like to help, but I like having fingers too. If I’m convinced there’s no way to help without getting bit, or they are just “mean biters”, well, that’s where my PNG list comes in.
And some have perpetual “poopie diaper syndrome”, as in “My life is a stinking mess and I need to change it in a big way, but my mess is soft, wet and warm, and it’s mine dammit.”
Fine. Sit in the stink. When the rash comes, you’ll want that change.
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I was at my recovery center yesterday and this guy was bitching about how unfair it was that he wasn’t seen at 930 on the dot. I get that detox makes us crazy, but I also wanted to yell at him and tell him that you have to be willing to do ANYTHING to get and stay sober. That means waiting 15 or 20 extra minutes sometimes. I mean, when have you ever been to a doctor and been seen on time? I know you have a life to live man, but if you don’t take this seriously you won’t be alive to live it! I kept my damn mouth shut. Not my battle. Not my shit. But I did want to violently shake him until he shut up.
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I woulda been happy if my weed guy was just 15-20 minutes late so thats par for the course.
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I’m glad i started taking my sobriety more seriously when I did. Things were on a road to getting so much worse. Incredibly grateful to have been spending the time I’ve had since sober again.
That said I also “suspected” I had a problem before that and wasted three years, maybe more, making things worse before I woke the heck up. Years I won’t get back.
Dunno what to say to folks when I hear that same story unfolding other than it doesn’t have to play out that way. You can change today.
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Your way isn’t working? Why the heck are you trying the same thing again and expecting the outcome to change?
Try something else. Someone who’s been there may know places to start.
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Ah because we think that there was nothing wrong with the method…just without our own will power. Flawed thinking, I know, but when we’re scared of going outside the comfort zone you will do anything to stay inside.
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Totally relatable. Hell, I still get bit by this one myself.
For me being scared of leaving the comfort zone is choosing death by a thousand cuts, though. Time after time, once I started taking action on faith, the fears turned out to be imagined and the relief very real.
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Good thread!
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This about sums it up. Fear.
You can only get better at things you are actually doing, I was a 1st team all American at being an abusive drunk.
By going outside of MY norm, I was able to grow into the person I long wanted to be. My way got me into the place/the way I was, I became desperate enough to try someone else’s way.
Now I practice sobriety every day, and some day I’ll have my jersey retired in the sobriety “ring of honor” and die “forever sober”
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I’m working on this. I have a lot of anxieties and fears (usually about plummeting to my death somehow). I have to stop and ask myself why do I fear this? Basically my only answer is “because I don’t want to die this way”. Then I have to ask myself “Why do you think you will die this way? Has something similar happened in the past? No? Then don’t worry. There’s no reason to think it will be this way this time.”
Recovery can be a bit the same. “Why are you afraid to try this?” “Because it might be scary.” “Have you tried it before? No? Then don’t worry. There’s no reason to think it will be scary. It’s only scary because you HAVEN’T tried it yet.”
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Tell ya the truth i think personal ego has alot to do with why many refuse aa/na. You basicaly have to surrender that ego for a short period. The reward and ego you gain on the otherside is more then worth its wieght in gold…
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When it comes to recovery, can’t = won’t. Every time I see can’t I replace it won’t.
But once you start replacing can with will. Then you will start to recover.
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Really touchy subject for me around weed, pot, whatever people called it. When people say it makes them chilled and mellow I instantly think of lazy. Having just seperated from my husband who smoked weed in my personal experience of someone who lived with someone who smoked it , it made him lazy, paranoid, controlling, argumentative and self centered. The mood I had to deal with when he hadn’t smoked in the morning was down right nasty and I couldn’t put up with the bull shit anymore, and he sure as hell couldn’t go cold Turkey off it. After it ruined my husband as he wasn’t the same man I married because of it, I have nothing nice to say to anyone in denial about it and its effects, so I remain silent so as not to get suspended or flagged.
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My ex is 41 and like you said, emotionally I think he’s stopped growing too
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For addicts a harmless drug does not exist. Pot made me all sorts of fucked up and eventually led to crippling panic attacks.
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