I could have written that myself, totally changed my ex’s personality and I agree with the feeling like you are trying to reason with a child, definitely not a harmless substance
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No one here can keep you sober. None of us. If you want to get sober you have to put in the footwork. We can offer advice, but it’s up to you to take it. If you come her and post about how you are struggling soooo bad, then put in some work to get out of your funk. It’s not fuckin rocket science. But honestly, I lose sympathy when I see the same person, bitching about the same struggle and literally doing nothing to change themselves. Making 15 topics about the same thing won’t change anything unless you change.
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If that person is putting in the footwork I will do anything in my power to help them. But I will not work harder for someone’s sobriety than they will.
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I understand what you are saying…but I try to remember how scared I was to try things. I really wanted to do this all on my own. Part of me still wants to. It took me 2 years to finally start doing things to aid in recovery (rather than just not drinking) and I still know that I have so much more to do.
BUT…I don’t like when advice gets poo-pooed. If you don’t want to follow the advice, that’s fine, but don’t dismiss it as “not for me” when really its just “I don’t wanna”. Because how can someone really know it’s “not for me” if they don’t try. I was saying “I don’t wanna” for a lot of things for a long time. Eventually I had to at least give it a try.
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Took me a couple years before I became willing to do much of anything. But I generally just stayed out in active addiction rather than trying to get other people to get me sober. I looked for my solutions in the bottom of the bottle. They weren’t there.
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Funny that, I couldn’t find them there either. And believe me I looked in many bottles to try to find them.
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Just read everything from December to now.
This is my new favorite thread.
Tough fucking love for the win.
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I live in NY. The only thing I found in the bottom of a bottle was the 5 cent bottle return… Then I collected bottles to return and buy crack with what I made
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This is needed! Too many times when I’m in the grip of almost relapsing I will reflect on every share I’ve ever heard about how its “okay to relapse” or “it’s a part of recovery.” All of these weak ass opinions are what play on my mind when I’m about to pick up. I think about every person with 20 years who relapsed a dozen times in their first couple years. I think about everyone who makes it a few weeks and then goes out again. Enough is enough I’m glad you made this thread @Englishd
I’m not comming down on people that relapse because I could end up relapsing before it’s all said and done…but we cant share hope in relapsing anymore as if it’s some sort of right of passage! Its NOT OK to relapse. Like you said the only good thing about it is comming back to recovery. Did I learn from my relapses? Yes…did I need them to learn NO. I should have kept comming back, sat my ass down, shut my mouth and listened. We can learn from others experience about the utter hell of their relapses. We dont need to risk our lives stepping of the edge and falling back into active addiction.
God that felt so good to type. Thanks so much for creating this thread. That was much needed.
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When an occasional poster comes on and reports that they’ve relapsed, their life has become a raging dumpster fire, but this is it…they are quitting for good, go back and read some of their other posts. Posts you may have commented on. Helps if you recall how you responded the last time they came here with the same report, and the time before that, and the time before that.
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I really hate it when people say “relapse is part of the process”. Really, is that what you think or are you setting yourself up for failure? If you go about your recovery with that type of thinking I worry about you.
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Exactly. Two people have posted about rewarding themselves with a drink because they worked hard to not have a drink for X amount of time! Go figure!!!
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Same here. It feels like it gives a person an easy out to let their life fall back into turmoil. Like some how they forgot that addiction is life and death.
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Those kind of posts are so dangerous for people who might not be fully committed to sobriety or people who think they’ll give moderation one more shot. Like really, you stayed sober for a month and your so proud of yourself that you think you deserve just one. How does that rationale work?
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I know for me if I followed that sort of thinking I’d probably be dead.
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I certainly would be dead.
There is no doubt about it.
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I mean, we all know how hard it is, we’re all going through the process ourselves. There are people who have months/ years, who still have thoughts of drinking!
I have thoughts of moderation. Not often, but sometimes. I just work through it. I know I don’t want to go back!
Especially when, if you spend time reading around on here, there is loads of information and help available
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When you still have some drinking left to do, the rationale works like this: “I was able to quit for a month. Therefore I can quit if I want to. Therefore I can control my drinking. Therefore I can moderate, so I’m gonna have just one”
I know, because I had that same conversation in my head, many, many times, back when I still had some drinking left to do. I still have another drunk left in me. I just don’t know if I have another quit.
I won’t drink, because I don’t drink.
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I get that. I guess it’s just frustrating when you want to see the person succeed and can see the flaws in their thinking.