If someone were in cancer remission, and their cancer came back, would we say it’s part of recovery, or their illness had returned?
Relapse is not part of recovery, and I say this as someone whose last relapse was eleven months long. I was not recovering from alcoholism each time I relapsed, and the relapse was 100% my choice. It was a failure of self-discipline on my part. I didn’t say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. I chose to end my remission.
Now, a relapse isn’t cause to give up either. It’s a time to figure out what was working, and what was not, so as to do better next time. If you win, you win. If you lose, hopefully you learn, and can win next time.
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This is a hard one for me. I’d like to drop kick my co-worker straight across the office and my boss for being avoidant. But that would be wrong … Right?
In the common definition of “wrong” then yes, it would be, lol. One of the things I’ve had today has been super increased agitation. After reading what was written above regarding putting myself in others shoes and seeing myself through their eyes, it really helped to see I wasnt being very nice to my family most of the day. Ill be apologizing and will use that from now on. Super simple and it seems like it will really work. I’ll just try to do it before letting the agitation and anxiety get the best of me next time.
Of course we are always at risk of relapsing, until we aren’t. I think @Englishd 's point was whenever someone comes on here reporting a relapse, someone will inevitably chime in with “relapse is part of recovery”.
It’s not. It is a deliberate interruption in one’s recovery. Not inevitable. Maybe not the end of the world, or maybe it is the beginning of the end.
Perhaps if we treated it with a bit more compassionate concern, rather than with a trite platitude, more folks would think twice about that drink that magically ends up in their mouths. I wish I had someone saying to me "Sorry your Mom died. Will a drink bring her back? Tomorrow you may be sober, and she’ll still be gone, and you’ll still be sad. Think about that, before you deliberately throw away 30 days sober…the first 30 you’ve had in years.
Yep, I wish someone had said that to me. Wish that someone was me. What I can say is that relapse was not part of my recovery. It was a willful suspension of my recovery, regardless of the excuse I used to justify it.
You have to be strong enough to admit when you are weak, and say “I’m on the ledge. Talk me down”.
In the end, I am only accountable to myself, my HP, and my wife. Still, if I ever got to the point where I felt like drinking, I would come here and tell everyone. Nor because I am accountable to them, but rather I’d rather hear “Don’t do this. Look how far you’ve come. Breath. Get through this. Call me.” and all the other wonderful things I’ve seen people do here. I’d rather hear that than “It’s OK. Relapse is part of recovery”.
I’m not kiddin. Pray for them everyday for a week and you will feel better about it. Google “prayers for people you dislike” if you need some help getting started😉
Yes. Drinking is a deliberate act. Not like snoring in your sleep, not like having a dream about cheating on a partner. No one holds you down and pours the booze in your mouth.
You order it. You buy it. You pour it. You accept it when offered. You bring the glass to your lips. You drink it. It is a decision. You gave yourself permission to drink it. What’s not to understand?
Now this doesn’t mean you are evil, or deserve to be placed in stocks while the village children throw rotten fruit at you. This doesn’t mean you need to self-flagellate as penance for your sins.
It does mean that you need to accept responsibility for your decision, and make yourself accountable to whom you hold yourself accountable.
I guess I’m not understanding this comment.