Truth and tough love


#911

Suggestions are different for sure. And for me it was even more important to hear what didn’t work. I’m not saying people don’t have anything to offer, bc everyone’s experience is beneficial. But I’ve seen people who aren’t sober give advice that is really bad or completely off topic.


#912

Sure, advice should come from experience, and one (like myself) that has been in and out of the rooms for 20 years I guess the ‘advice’ wouldn’t be taken!! Lol. But it’s still all experiences to be shared. End of day 2 for me… I picked up an na book that was signed back in Nov 2006…sadly The chair of that meeting at that time is no longer here,I looked at her signed name and message as a living message(does that make sense) ,the literature I have read the last 2 days has been very helpful and TS, is all hitting me hard.


#913

I think I didn’t phrase it the way I wanted. Suggestions like rehab, counseling and meetings are universal.


#914

I can’t really give specifics bc I don’t want to put people on blast, but there’s people here who give all sorts of advice, and act like they experts, but aren’t sober.


#915

If I go out and relapse tonight, and then come here spouting off how people need to do this or that to get sober, I’m going to look like an idiot. If I relapse I was clearly doing something wrong. I’m much better off telling people what didn’t work


#916

I’ve learned to be careful of whose advice I buy.

*Be wary of taking woodworking advice from someone missng digits.

Don’t take financial advice from a homeless person. *

But this doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them, we can learn something from anyone if we listen.


#917

Sadly some people still relapse even on a program working the steps. Sponsors even relapse. We are only human. You see veterans that have been sober crumble which is why we must stay humble and vigilant no matter what program got us sober. Yes a program will help teach you how to stay sober but you are the applicator. I dont think one addict shall feel any farther away from a relapse then any other addict or new comer. Yes, many of us are on more solid footing then others but it only take a tramatizing situation to bring us to our knees…


#918

At any given time I am just one arms length from a drink. I saw a dude with 30 years sober struggling really bad today.


#919

I have really tried to take “need to” out of my vocabulary. For others and for myself. Of course, not always with success. It slips in there sometimes.

It’s a weak statement. First, how do I know what you need to do? And you don’t have to do anything I say, so therefore the decision on need is up to you. Second, if I “need” to, it should already be done and I am probably just procrastinating.


#920

To what extent though? At what point has what worked for me…worked? If I have a drink, it hasnt worked so by that rationale, i’d need to be sober for life and then dead to say “That worked”?


#921

I wish I could quote on my mobile but it never works.

I’ve had a saying that I like. It goes: Fear will get you to stop drinking but hope will get you sober.

But that is a different hope than “I hope I stop drinking”. The hope I mean is the hope of a better life by being sober. That hope will get you to do the work.


#922

There’s a difference between telling someone what worked for you, and what they should do.


#923

So its the ‘you’ and the ‘they’ that should be highlighted here yeah?


#924

Maybe it should be like, what is working for you. As in, currently.


#925

Yeah this post got sidetracked. If you got some time then clearly some things have worked. But I remember a few months back someone was just preaching what everyone should do, be they weren’t sober, and really never had much time. But even if you have a million years (and I can be guilty of this too) you shouldn’t be telling people what they need to do. I need to watch this myself.


#926

Okay. Yeah it was a bit blurred what you were trying to say there.


#927

I have been known to share advice that was given to me, but yeah, I can’t say for sure that it is tried and true.

What I can share, with certainty, is what NOT to do. I’ve relapsed enough times to have formed a long list of what will not work. LOL


#928

:ok_hand: yep… and never trust an electrician with no eyebrows


#929

Especially if his nickname is Sparky.

Never trust a one eyed proctologist!


#930

How much is enough time? I feel so unhelpful being new and in just learning mode…