Truth and tough love


I visited a friend that moved maybe a 1/4 mile from me. Him n his roomie were tallying who can drink more bitchin whos cheating :roll_eyes:… I felt awkward as hell n feel like i no longer fit in ever…


I’ve dodged many ‘must attend’ events… still do, if it’s nothing but drinking. And they carry on just fine without me… I’m not as miss-able as I’d like to think I am. I’ve passed on my best friends kids graduations…I skipped a family anniversary party…I declined a couple surprise birthday parties…I’ve turned down numerous holiday events… There is no reason to be there that is more important than my sanity or sobriety. Ever!


I can totally relate to this. I had a meltdown in September that resulted in me seeking therapy. I hadn’t been able to leave my house for 6 weeks before my first session. I talked about all kinds of stuff (since been diagnosed as complex PTSD), then I mentioned my drinking. She 100% focused on that. Told me to get and read the AA materials, and attend 2 AA meetings in the week before I next saw her. My anxiety went through the roof. Walk into a room full of strangers??? WTF! Anyway, I did it and was blown away by the kindness of folks at the meetings. When I saw the therapist, I had 3 days sober (and a 1 day chip as evidence). Her next task was for me to attend an AA meeting every single day before the next session, and talk to a few folks about how to find a sponsor. I went home and started drinking immediately, and didn’t stop until yesterday. I fired her and tested out two different therapists. Found one that Ilike. Focus has been on all stuff non-alcohol related. 5 months later, I am now ready to re-attempt AA meetings :+1:



I’m glad you are here - and I’m happy your first experience with AA was a good one. I can imagine that I would have had a similar reaction if someone had tried to push me toward working the program before I was ready. I had to get there on my own. When I finally did, I was so desperate to get sober that I would have done almost anything. Prior to that? I just couldn’t give up that crutch.

I’m really happy that you found a therapist who is a good fit for you. Dealing with all the other stuff is huge. I am still unpacking boxes of the crazy and dealing with it a little bit at a time.

I found a home in AA, unlike any I have ever had before. It is the first place I have ever been able to be 100 percent myself. I so hope you have a similar experience. Let us know how it goes…:heart:.



Thank you so much for your response! I am cautiously optimistic about this forum. Have sent a lot of info to my email, so that I can delve. Things like ‘having a plan’. Never even heard of that :woman_shrugging:t3:

The first therapist did give me some good advice that I can now use, like trying different types of AA meetings. I don’t understand the steps, so I’ll have to find one that focuses on them. I will go back to the two I went to before.

I did find the holding hands and reciting (uhmn, I forget what, and obv didn’t know the words) … very uncomfortable, but I hope I get over that.

Not looking forward to the journey tbh, but I know I have to do it. Pretty scared actually.

Thank you again! :pray:


You can work all the programs you want, seek all the advice you need, read all the books and listen to all the podcasts.

But sometimes, sometimes, you need to put that warrior head on, tell your addiction to go and fuck itself and plough on.


This is exactly what I have had to do a lot lately. It’s been my go to since day 1. Partly because I love telling things to fuck off. :laughing:


I see a lot of medical questions here. I’m going to give a blanket answer bc this applies to everything.

Stop using drugs and alcohol. Then go to the doctor.


That is so true. Many of my medical issues have vanished or diminished since i quit drinking. Mental issues take longer but im able to see positive development already with 5+ months in. Excercise is a tremendous help too. Part of my program now, little by little.


I should have added exercise bc it’s good for physical and mental health.


Indeed. But it takes time & patience to include excercise to your daily routine. At least has taken for me.


So I’m finally getting around to reading chapter 10 - to the employers. Love it. It’s fire.


I have a really hard time with maintaining routines. I can do it for a few days but then I get busy doing other stuff and soon enough I’m back to sitting in my couch binging tv. :disappointed:


How long have u been sober?


If resentments are the number one killer of drunks, expectations gotta be number 2. Seriously, worrying about what could have been, what should have been, and what would have been it’s going to lead right to a drink. I wanted to be a professional soccer player when I was 10, but guess what? Life happens.

It seems like lately this site is an exercise in bitching about what we don’t have instead of being grateful for the things we do have. Quit yer bitching you ungrateful babies. There’s lots of people who would love to be in your situation.

Stop bitching about where you live, at least you have a home. Stop complaining about your family, at least they talk to you. Stop whining about work, you’re lucky to have a job.


Yep. Count your blessings. As I sit safe about 3 miles from neighborhoods still submerged in water, I get the benefit of some perspective. In the nature photos thread, I posted a pic of the area I was supposed to move to about 6 months ago. I didn’t. Here I am, on high and dry land, and I need to get my gratitude horse moving.

***Side note: I can still be pissy about people trying to tell others what I am trying to say. Just 'cause.


I SO agree with this! There is a time and a place for your phone. I like to get on some apps, like this one, in the evening. But, I will not do it if I have company or if I am out with other people. I think it is direspectful. And I have no need to hang with anyone who only wants to speak about the gossip they see on social media.


What really pisses me off are people glancing their phone during aa meetings… :expressionless: disrespectful indeed


Hell yes for gratitude.

Isolation’s a good killer too, though, and everyone’s sitting on something. If that something isn’t getting anywhere I probably lack the perspective needed to change or let it go.

If I’ve gotta, I put it out there and pray fresh eyes see through my bs. Better than waiting for what I’m roosting on to hatch out from under me.

So if really stuck, go ahead and bitch. Then accept or change and be grateful again.


This used to bug me too, but then I found out some of the different reasons why some of the people by me do it. One told me that he only looks at his phone during a meeting to look up the definition of words in the reading that he doesn’t understand. Another has anxiety so has this coloring book thing on there, which makes her feel more comfortable being at a meeting. I found myself doing it one day when my dad was in hospital for surgery. There are those that blatantly don’t want to be there and are only there by external requirement - well, their non-engagement only harms them.

I try to remind myself that if there is something someone else is doing in a meeting (or anywhere, really) that is bugging me, I need to work a little more on my acceptance. It’s a work in progress for me.