Keep going to meetings. Lots of meetings. Even when you aren’t in the mood to go to meetings, that’s especially when you need to go to a meeting. That’s what I’ve learned.
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My sponsor is not from my home group. That might be unusual; I’m not sure.
I met my sponsor at a women’s meeting I attend regularly. She found me after my first time there and offered to be my sponsor. I think she assumed I would join that home group.
I did not. I found a meeting made up primarily of crusty old buzzards, and I felt like I had come home. Such solid sobriety, no ego, great service work, and folks who really care for and help each other. I am one of two or three women who attend regularly, so it would have been very hard to find a sponsor there.
I’d say keep trying different meetings until one feels like home to you.
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Also something to consider sponsors do not have to be permanent. You can change at any time and they will not get in a frenzy over it. Best time to find them is to hang out after the meeting or raise your hand at the end introducing yourself and that your intrested in being sponsored. I know for me sometimes its hard to approach people i dont know so its easier if i guide them to me…
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Outside of the program, there is only one person that I have said that I am an alcoholic, outside of my therapist.
Others know that I go to meetings b/c I am a creature of habit… but that is it. For now, the most important thing is that you are making meetings. If you keep making meetings, things will come into place.
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Exercise reinforces my program. Supplemental material. My lazy ass doing s-- I don’t necessarily want to (until I do), following the example of people who have what I want. Then, if I keep honest, I get better in ways. Sometimes ways I hadn’t expected.
But also I’ll be damned if I survive my alcoholism just to die from eating pizza.
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Help! My life is terrible. Every time I drink things go really bad. I need to quit so bad. I don’t know what to do.
*Watches a couple YouTube videos
*Gets drunk, again.
I don’t know why it didn’t work. I really wanted it!
Edit: if the internet were the key to sobriety there wouldn’t be a single drunk person on Earth.
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And beat goes on…
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I put a finer point on my exercise/sobriety relationship, in that my exercising must actually have a point, purpose. There were spans in my drinking career where I also exercised daily. I swam. I ran. I biked. I lifted weights. Sometimes I had a goal in mind, like a marathon, or a century, or a swimathon. Many times these efforts had some laudable charitable rationale. But I drank throughout. Less, perhaps, but I drank.
Now, I train to fight, but first I got sober. I had to focus on healing my mind, body, and spirit, BEFORE, I started martial arts. I had to work my “program”. Rediscover basic self-discipline required to say “no” to the first drink. Like starting a fire in the woods, first you build a small bundle of tinder. Next, the spark of desire to get sober. You protect that tiny flame, gradually feeding it as it grows. Keep doing this, adding larger and larger “sticks”, until the flame can stand up to the wind. Then you can put the big logs on it. Keep feeding it, growing it, and soon it is a bonfire.
Exercise in early sobriety for me was taking walks, listening to podcasts. My choices were Jocko and the Daily Audio Bible. All the body could handle for the time. The focus was on saying “no”. Now I am throwing big logs on that fire. Every day. No days off.
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Like the GI Joe’s said, “now you know, and knowing is half the battle”
HALF the battle. The other half is putting in the work. You gotta execute the game plan for anything to work, nothing just falls in your lap.
And have 2 plans anyways, because as soon as the first shot is fired, plan A usually goes to shit.
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I have done a bit of thinking on this, specifically how to deal with the chronic relapsers on the forum. My relapses were all “pre-forum”, but I still had too many to count. I try to remember this. The only person who actively encouraged me to deal with my alcohol issues, was my wife. But she couldn’t make me quit. Only I could.
I also try to remember that I am not dealing with mental illness or multiple addictions. My heart breaks for these people, who are fighting multiple opponents, or are fighting injured. I only climb into the ring with one, every day, and do so in full control of my thoughts and emotions.
Lastly, I try to remember that we are to a high degree, the sum of our experiences. Some of us have never really been tested, or spent time in a structured, disciplined environment. They literally don’t have the learned skills to apply here. Some have grown up with a lifetime of dysfunction, so much so that it is difficult for them to conceptualize a different kind of life.
Some are faced with a “this or that” choice, where their SO is also addicted, and there are kids involved. Leaving to increase the chance of sobriety may mean homelessness and financial destitution.
Still it can get frustrating to keep giving advice and encouragement to those who can’t seem to get the upper hand in their battle. I try to remember that they don’t owe me their sobriety, and I have a choice as to whether or not to comment on their relapse posts. Sometimes I don’t. Not that I am mad or disappointed. It’s just that I’m out of things to say to this person.
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Maybe to one person, but to another, it’s the first time. I try to remember this. Still, sometimes I just have to let someone else answer, because I don’t have all the answers. I try to remember this as well.
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Love this!!! We do not have any idea what these people have been and are going through. If I’m judging their path, especially without knowing them-my ego is really what’s talking. I’d love to see everyone succeed but in the end it’s up to them individually what they do with their life. If I don’t have it in me to respond, I don’t. I don’t get bent out of shape about their story, it’s not mine to own. When I do feel a little bent of shape about it, I know it’s time to clean up my own side of the street and stop looking at theirs. I feel for others deeply but I know I’m really not remotely in control of what happens.
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Perfectly put. On another thread it was put, (not verbatim as I am at work) we are not incharge of their inventory.
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In counseling, it’s called the “contemplation stage.” In other words, I’m thinking about doing something about my problem. I might take a little action, I might not. I’m testing the waters.
Many people in the pre-contemplation and contemplation stages walk away, sometimes until much later. I guess I see my role as helping their dip into sober waters be a comforting one. I don’t ever want my words to be an excuse for running away from help. Hopefully they know the door will always be open to them. If someone had been harsh to me in the days before I was ready to quit? It would have just given me an excuse to drink more.
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Wise words my friend!
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Oh lord, no!
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Cool. If people want to be nice and hold hands by all means start that thread. I didn’t start this to make everyone feel special. We are Alcoholics. We are all the same when it comes to alcoholism regardless of our a situations. Anyone, from any situation, can get sober if they will put in the footwork. I don’t need to know your story to share my experience strength and hope, and my story isn’t important either. Only thing that matters is the desire to get sober and the willingness to do the work.
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I made a thread about this. The 5 stages. It didn’t get much attention lol
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I definitely don’t know what’s best for me. That’s why I work a program. My self will can get me fucked and quick
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