Even though its been 56 days sober, sometimes a voice in my head goes, “but you werent thaaaat bad”, “other people are much worse and theyre still drinking”, “its not like anything horrible happened”, “you were drinking alone most of the time anyway, whats the harm in that”, “just one wouldnt hurt”, “just to get that tipsy feeling”, “just drink to enjoy it, u werent enjoyyyying it before”…
It sucks. I haven’t relapsed and dont want to. No way. Im doing SO well.
I have a lot of crazy shit in my head, but the voices telling me to go drink don’t speak up anymore, or I can’t hear them if they do. I’m sure those sneaky fuckers are just waiting for their chance. That’s why I work on my recovery every day
Voices in my head tell me to get my lazy ass up and go to a meeting. I do something everyday so I keep my sobriety first and foremost in my life. I maintain a daily reprieve by reading the first 164 pages of AA’s big book, going to meetings, work on a 12 step program with my sponsor and working with other alcoholics. I also wind the tape back and remind myself of how bad my life had became was while I was in my addiction. Never forgetting that I let Alcohol destroy me and everything that I loved or cared about in my life. Alcohol is cunning and baffling and I give it much respect today. But for the grace of God go I.
Congratulations on your 56 days sober. My sobriety is based upon one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. Even one breath at a time. Be safe my friend and above all be kind to yourself today.
Welcome @Soberiety and congrats on 56 days Sober! You may not have been that bad YET! In AA that stands for Your Eligible Too! Try to see the similarities you have with others. Those thoughts telling you weren’t that bad are a bunch lies and will get you into trouble quick. Glad your here keep coming back
Rite now it’s trying to convience me that when im on vacation, one little drink wouldnt hurt. Cause vacation, how can you possibley have any fun withought it.
If wondering what stupid things you did and said the night before as well as a hangover and feeling resentful is your idea of a great vacation I say drinking “Just one” sounds like a good plan. Please think it through before you take that first sip. I just got back from vacation and remember and cherish every minute of the time i got to spend with my family. Much better than when I was drinking to “relax”
My voices are self destructive dicks. I get the why not/what’s the point one’s especially, and if it’s any sort of special occasion, they go off. Like today was a friend’s bday so I hung out with him and the “how are we supposed to celebrate without going downtown for a drink” thought hit me. Getting better at shoving negative/disruptive ideas away!
Today I found myself causally thinking “one day I’ll be able to handle having social drinks, when I’m better…”.
I played the tape right after the thought came to mind and remembered I can not ever have a drink again, not even one. It’s like I went into a mood of mourning, realizing booze will never be a part of my life again.
@vindicatorvalk@Soberiety I’m doing ok now, I was drinking to self medicate anxiety, insomnia, stress, and OCD. But I also have a plethora of unrelated health issues that aren’t due to alcohol. So I’m seeking the medical and psychiatric treatment I was ignoring with booze now. It’s helping, feeling a part of this supportive community is helping. Finding “alternative drinks” to order when out with friends helped. My more worrisome voices are “you don’t have an addictive personality, so why not reassess my ability to drink in 6 months, or a year?” “Im really good at sticking to rules what if I just give myself a 1- 2 drink limit?” Those are the questionable thoughts I’m having for the future.
I know it sounds crazy, but there was a significant shift when I accepted, even reluctantly for even a trial period potentially, that I was an alcoholic and that meant for today, I was not drinking no matter what. Whatever that means for tomorrow, is something I don’t have to deal with today bc I got enough on my plate to handle.
Now, if I drink and let’s be honest, it won’t be a drink bc like what’s the h *ckin point of that, it is a conscious decision of the fuck its, its going down.
Those voices have plenty of other things to chatter about, so it isn’t exactly quiet.
Same thoughts here. I told people that im working towards 90 days and will “review” how i feel… but the truth is, i dont want to drink again. I know that i wont want to stop. I will want that high again and then ill crash. Whats the point. Im doing well.
AM: I live alone, nobody would ever find out…
SM: but I would know, I wouldn’t feel proud of myself.
AM: just one would probably be okay.
SM: one wouldn’t be enough. One would become three, three would become eight, eight would become sixteen and sixteen would become a blackout followed by a hangover, an anxiety attack and weeks of shame and self-loathing.
AM: does this have to be forever?
SM: yes. If it weren’t for forever, there would be no point at all. I am better this way.
There have been days and weeks without this inner argument because I feel okay and then there are weeks like this one where it plays on repeat in my head. So far alcoholic me has not won the argument and the next day I always feel thankful for that.
Thank you for that you know subconsciously I completely know that it would be a huge huge huge mistake and would just throw me off track again I’m just shy at 14 days right now and by this vacation I’ll be 20 days sober… it would be such a waste all this hard work I have put in. I would feel like the dumbest person in the world.
It was important for me to realize the voices, and justifications, and self comparisons ARE the addiction talking. We certainly all have a choice to give in or try controlled drinking. But it’s so easy to forget how easily progressive it becomes once the door gets cracked open. It might be days, or weeks, maybe years…odds are pretty strong though, that eventually we will end up in a similar or worse circumstance than what got us here in the first place.
