Oh,oh no I can beat that!
So I hang out at my friends motorcycle shop and there’s an unseen because he yells a lot co-owner,like he’s kinda nuts.
So he brings in his old computer for my friend Jim,the thing is he hasn’t cleared the pictures from it.
THE BIRTHING PICTURES!
The close ups of his wife’s vagina from all the angles and the bloody aftermath, BIRTHING PICTURES!
Who does that?
Long ago a Marine buddy of mine welcomed the birth of his new daughter. Of course, I was single and my familiarity with the birthing process was limited to diagrams in my 9th grade biology text-book. So he hands me a stack of photos (this was 1986) and I start flipping through them. There he is, the proud dad holding his princess, swaddled in a blanket. Next there’s one of the baby being weighed. Next the cord being cut, and I continue on until I hit the one where the baby is starting to crown.
If there was a sound-track it would have been the sound of the needle of an old record player sliding across the vinyl.
I was not prepared to see his lovely wife, at whose home I had spent many a Saturday evening for a barbecue, spread-eagle in all her glory, with just the crown of the baby’s head showing in her fully-dilated HooHaa. Not only was I not prepared for this level of detail, I was also shocked to learn that his wife, a stunning blonde, was not a real blonde. Not. Even. Close.
Ahhhhhhh!!!
Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Very nice story but really not.
Baby lap dogs,I used to put my robe or hoodie over mine it smelled like me,and hed just sigh,and relax.
Thats wonderful,gosh I never want to go to the east coast.
Why would you say that?
I think it would be to intense for me,and my last ex was an Italian Catholic,bipolar,alchaholic, crack smoker, from Jersy.
Just a year and a half of pure stupitidy and hell…
Yeah…Jersey. I just drive through Jersey. But the East Coast is big. Lot’s of states, and neat things to see, good food to eat.
Yeah I’m slowly getting over the trauma.
Yeah, theres something inherently wrong with Jersey people, we dont claim that bunch. Nor all those cracked out psychos in Philly either, right @Hope0110 ? 
We’ll claim the NYC sewer rats and the gypsy meth smoking alligators in Florida but the Jersey/eastern PA crowd are the black sheep of the family lol
There is something inherently wrong with gravy being made from tomatoes.
#butterandflourforever
Oh, I know! I put that stuff on my list right next to ticks.
Butter and flour? (I never grew up with real butter. It was country crock or nothing.)
The only gravy worth eating begins and ends with animal fat renderings. I mean doesn’t everyone just keep a cup of bacon grease in their fridge for making gravy and to put in their green beans with white potatoes and the soup beans?
Maybe in a pinch I suppose Crisco could be used for gravy…
Oh, I totally agree. Just thought #animalfatdrippingsforever might be a bit of a mouthful.