Don’t get me wrong, I was ruining my life as well, but I wasn’t ready to stop, that was until…
On vacation 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend was begging me to stop/slow down my drinking but I wasn’t having it, he went to bed and I went out wandering the campground, stumbled upon some people having a fire and decided to join(they heard my bf telling me to relax earlier in the night, but no context otherwise) anyway I was angry at my boyfriend for being upset about my drinking, and then these men talking about him in a negative light(because said conversation overheard earlier) and I went off, telling these people every dark detail of our relationship, including a fight we had the night prior were again I was hammered and he was trying to get me to chill and sit down, well I kicked my purse at him, lost my balance and fell into a table…back to the fire, I showed the men the bruise and they came to their own conclusions, upon my return to my unit to go to bed the police were called and long story short my boyfriend has now been arrested for domestic assault against me, and in that state it’s not the “victim” who presses charges it’s the state and they don’t give 2 shits about what I have to say about the incident…
That was my wake up call to get sober, but sadly it feels a little to late. I have already ruined the person I love and care most about in this words life.
Having to face these emotions sober has been so hard all I want to do is drink and forget about it all, I know that wouldn’t happen, I’d probably get way more emotional then I already am, but f#ck this is hard.
I know everything will come to light, charges will be dropped or whatever but until that happens I can’t help but hate myself. My relationship is ruined no matter how much I try and tell myself it’s not, it’s stained and the love will never be the same.
I told myself I was going to stop drinking after vacation, WHY didn’t I stop before?! Why didn’t I listen? I never in my wildest dreams imagined I could do something like this to someone I love but I did, and it feels like there is no fixing it
Wow Jill. I really don’t know what to say. Except it’s never too let to get sober. Sounds like you fucked up good there. Your life doesn’t have to be like this anymore. Start today. Right now. Find a meeting. Start the 90 meetings in 90 days thing. Get yourself a sponsor and change you life for good. And you will learn to live life on life’s terms.
Get to a meeting Jill.
You’re worth it. We’re all worth it. We’ve all fuck up before.
We do heal.
This is a great place to get extra support too.
I hope to see you around.
Protect your sober date like your life and the life of your love ones depend on it.
It’s never too late to get sober and change your life for the better. There’s absolutely nothing you can do about the past so focus on the future. Take this opportunity to put your all into your sobriety and becoming a better version of yourself. After some sobriety time, everything will start to fall into place. Use the past as fuel to keep on your sober journey knowing you never want to go back to that way of life. Consider going to AA and working the 12 step program. It really does help you to move on from resentments.
My last drunk was on vacation with someone who I had strong feelings for. I got shitfaced. I made a giant ass out of myself. I thought for sure I had ruined the relationship.
I haven’t had a drink since.
We’ve stayed in contact. I got cast pretty far into the friend zone. I was feeling pretty butthurt about it. I deserved it. Since I quit drinking I havent made an ass out of myself. She has been contacting me again. She says she misses me.
We live in different states and I have lost interest because I realize that she is deeply rooted where she lives and I love where I live. Not drinking has given me another chance if I want it.
I haven’t made an ass out of myself one time since I quit! That alone is worth it!
Guilt and regret are the twin vultures that visited me in the early morning times of my drinking days. Being sober helped a bunch. And what really made a difference was learning to accept that, yes I was capable of those things because I had done them. I did not have to approve or condone or justify them (“I was drunk” is not an acceptable reason), but I did have to accept that they had actually happened and that I had done them. I had to find a way to change my ways and demonstrate that change to the people and institutions involved.
The program of AA helped me to move past the guilt and remorse to acceptance and sober
action. It can work for you, too, if you are willing to try with all you’ve got.
Your two weeks are precious, keep stacking up those days!
Here’s something I learned as I started my sober walk, and I hope it helps you now:
We get to choose our rock-bottom. You can choose this as rock-bottom. Maybe your bf accepts your apology and you demonstrate a penitent heart by working hard to maintain sobriety. Maybe he’s had enough and parts from you. Either way, you can choose for this to be your bottom, and resolve to never again sacrifice a relationship on the alter of your addiction.
I came close to losing it all. My wife, my daughter, and the life we had built. I quit on December 3, 2017. I’m pretty sure that had I not chosen that day as my rock-bottom, my wife would have put me out after the holidays, and my likely reaction would have been to drink myself to death.
But I chose that morning to never drink again, and it has made all the difference in our lives…and you can choose too.
Control what you can, own what you can… the rest will be what it’ll be. Have faith that a sober life is your best life because it is. We’ve all been there, we’ve all been giant fuck ups, you’re not alone.
Focus on getting sober. Maybe you can heal the relationship, maybe you can’t. But keeping alcohol out of your life is going to be key to moving forward, even though you don’t know the end result for your relationship. I’m glad you’re here. This forum is incredibly supportive and has helped me through ups and downs, and I know it will continue to do so in the future. I second Dazercat’s replies above to seek out other resources as well… also the comment that we’ve all fucked up before. Some stories are more intense than others – but seriously, we’ve all fucked up. You’re not alone, and you can do this.
What’s done is done. Focus on you and your sobriety. Given time who knows how your relationship will pan out but right now putting the work into your sobriety is the most important thing. I wish you all the best. I’m sorry that you’re going through this now.
