More the better!
@Yoda-Stevie any all, thank you for your advise. I appreciate it. Stevie you always offer such good advise. Your input offers great value on TS. Keep up the good work.
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My evidence is personal experience, and for me, that matters most. Of course, your mileage may vary.
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Just from MY personal female perspective, I agree with you. Not to bash my husband but if he were more attentive & made me feel more loved/was more loving & kind, plus the other things you listed to be helpful, it would definitely help our physical love life 
Alcohol did give me much more confidence as I’m very insecure/self conscious so it helped lower inhibition, so I’m trying to work on that aspect of things. But feeling more confident being less bloated, lost some weight, less tired… but I agree with your thoughts on showing love through action
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Here’s another tip: men have a more developed ability to detach, compartmentalize, and focus on the present, than do women. Women have a more developed ability to maintain “multidimensional awareness”, than do men. Not saying it’s a 100% difference, rather a matter of degrees. There’s plenty of science to back this up. So what does this mean for sex?
Men can more readily shut things out for the time involved in sex. The fact that the light bill is over due, the car is leaking oil, and work kept him from his daughter’s dance recital, while important and given thought, can be placed temporarily in a mental box, for the minutes it takes to actually engage in sex.
Women, I have learned, can’t really shut it off. All the worries of the day, things that need doing, issues and challenges in the relationship, these are flowing through her mind. Maybe she can turn the volume down, but she can’t shut it off. It permeates her mood.
So, if I take care of all the little things I can, I can make her mental to-do list shorter, show her she matters most in my life waaaaay before “magic time”, she feels secure in the relationship…there’s less mental “noise” for her to deal with.
When I was drinking, I wasn’t nearly as effective, for obvious reasons, and it showed. I might “quit” for 3-4 days until we had some time together, but then went back to drinking. I might quit for a day, give a day’s effort, but decide I wanted to get drunk…definitely counter-productive. Just my personal anecdotal experience.
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I agree once again. My hubby especially, can shut his mind off. For example at bed. He says he just stops thinking and immediately falls asleep. Me, I overthink for hours 
Working on that too. I must say you sound like a very attentive husband. Bravo Zulu 
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Sober, yes. The last two years of my drinking career? Not so much.
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Very true!! 
I want a nothing box 
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@Yoda-Stevie should write a book. I personally seek out his responses because the wisdom of his words is priceless. Thank you and keep sharing your brilliance. You help untold numbers on this forum.
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