Why did i do it

07:30 and I’ve just woken up, feeling fresh and ready to face the world. Sleep last night was a lot better, seemed to be less tossing and turning, just a couple of get ups for the toilet.

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The “shall i have a drink tomorrow (new years eve)” and start the sober journey new years day demon is starting to raise its head. In a way im glad im in work tomorrow to take my mind off it.

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New years day update: had a Chinese takeaway getting ready to watch Candyman 2021 version. No alcohol.

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A good sober NYE to you David.

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You to have a great new years eve :+1:

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Update: had a re run of the night when we had my father in law over for food and drink and i got drunk said what i wasn’t supposed to say and fell out with my wife. I didn’t touch a drop, kept myself mentally occupied by every now and again watching something on the TV. Got up this morning fully rested, no hangover or spending the morning wondering what i had said or done. Wife got up and no silent treatment. Win win.

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Thanks for the update, glad your latest situation is starting to heal. One day at a time :wink:

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2 weeks ago today (Boxing day) i was sat in my kitchen feeling rough after 10 cans of Stella and some neat vodka. It took me about 2 days to fully recover from it. Ive not touched a drop since so today at 10pm ill be 15 days alcohol free. It has been difficult at times, especially on a Friday and Saturday night when there’s no work the following day, the pangs of wanting a drink are still there but when i don’t give in to them i get a sense of pride rising from my stomach (a bit like butterflies) that rises up my body to my head and i smile to myself. Another night alcohol free and up refreshed and ready to face whatever the day throws at me

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Congratulations! 15 days and going strong! That’s great news Dave!

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Watching TV last night, i had a drink of coffee and decided to make a fresh one. My wife who was with me said “in that case can you make me one” (vodka and coke) i said “you have the coffee and ill have the vodka” she said “have one of those cans of John Smiths in the fridge” i said “no im ok”

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Congratulations that you didn’t give in! But I don’t understand your wife’s behavior. 2 weeks ago, when you fucked things up, you “were the dog in the house”, and you were given “the silent treatment”. And now she’s offering you drinks. Strange way of supporting a husband that’s wants to quit his addiction! No offense, I just don’t understand people’s way of thinking! It’s not making things easier for you?! :thinking::woman_shrugging:

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You can do this! Keep with it. I hope you can jump onto this site more. Early sobriety is tough.

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It’s great when I can wake up and remember the night before without shame and embarrassment.

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Good for you, staying strong and sober. I’m with @Jesile I don’t get it. You were way nicer at handling it than I was. I looked my husband in the eye while I poured the booze he offered me down the drain. I was madder than a wet cat. Just keep going and stay sober today :hugs:

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This is my story of alcoholism. I wasn’t an every day drinker or a day drinker, but I could never just have one. One would always turn into ten and then blackout drunk.
I’m reading your thread and my heart aches for you. I know that exact feeling and there is nothing pleasant about it. I would stop for 5, 10, or even 30 days at a time, but all the while I was still just a alcoholic white knuckling my way through it.
Until I got into a program, found a meeting, found a sponsor, and started the steps, it just never got better. AA isn’t for everyone, but I do think anyone who is going through what you are going through owes it to themselves to at least try out a zoom meeting. It saved my life.

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I do like a drink but ive come to the conclusion i can’t enjoy a drink if im drinking in front if my wife as i feel i am being judged. Especially after the original night when we had my father in law over. So i said it wouldn’t happen again. I feel that the only time i can drink is if she was to go out. Sometimes I wish i could just go to a pub on my own and have a good blow out. For me to drink in front of her will create too many bad vibes

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So your basically saying that alcohol still holds value and offers pleasure for you?

If you continue to wish to go drinking on your own, that wish WILL become reality. It’s not possible for your wife to be always around 24-7.

Is your only incentive to stop drinking to simply avoid drinking in front of your wife? Please tell me that you have some incentive to stop for yourself.

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Hi Dave, ok, I wasn’t aware that you actually don’t want to stop, and just want to moderate. I guess deep down in your heart you want to stop, otherwise you wouldn’t be on this forum.
Having the desire to go on your own to a bar to get wasted doesn’t sound like something fun, and it seems to me there is much more to all this. I would make an honest list of your why’s to continue, and why should maybe stop. Have a close look and see if alcohol is currently giving you more than it takes. Wishing you all the best! :muscle:t2:

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@Dave07 it sounds like you need to sort out if drinking is the only thing your marriage needs work on. I think it’s good your taking a look at how your drinking impacts your marriage but it seems like that might not be the only thing. Additionally if you want to drink and your only not doing to avoid conflict with your wife this could cause you to resent her which could cause additional issues moving forward. Just some food for thought, no judgement.

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I want to stop, but on occasions there are times when i want to have a good blow out. But ive come this far without touching a drop i dont want to blow it all away now.

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