There was a point where I was talking to my wife and she said oh blah blah blah that we did yesterday. And I said what are you talking about. And she looked at me with a look of concern and said don’t you remember what we did yesterday? And I couldn’t remember. What I do know is that I drove that day with my family and my two children in the car. I drove them to all the places that we went that I had no recollection of going to. If that’s not the definition of a high functioning alcoholic, I don’t know what is. But that was the day I swore I would get sober.
Spoiler alert. It wasn’t today. It was the day I stopped driving my family around while drunk for sure. But I found ways to sneak alcohol into my day during work. Not proud of it but it is what it is. I went through that process. Probably five times. I’ll ask. Got sober for 20 days approximately before I relapsed but thankfully I never put anyone else in danger other than myself. I’m still working on sobriety I don’t think it ever really stops. I thought it did but the more I read and the more I think about myself it’s never ending
This is the same reason I’m on the sober path as well. If I’m drinking (which I always am) I’m going ALL in, which led to dangerous situations. I’m glad we’re both here today and able to give ourselves the life we deserve
Yup, this one hit home. I would constantly drive my mom or friends around thinking I was fine. Luckily no one was ever hurt, but a couple cars were definitely beyond repair. I was drinking at work, don’t remember that day at all, and when I got home my mom asked me to drive her to some places. Don’t remember doing that. And after that I left to go drink some more. I put her life and my life at risk. I’m learning that sobriety requires constant willpower. It’s a never ending decision that is put on ourselves. I think it will always be a fight, but I sure hope it gets easier. I’m happy you’re on the journey of sobriety, good luck my friend
Without boring you with years of drink and drug binges. Being drunk and on drugs was never the person I was supposed to be. It feels like I got sucked into the eye of a storm and toing-and-froing with sobriety the last few years has finally helped me find a way out. Sobriety makes me feel like my true self. When you are serious about sobriety, good things come and I truly believe that. My main reason for pursuing sobriety is to be the best possible father I can.
It had turned me into an anxious mess who could barely leave her house drive a car , keep a job or even eat. But that wasnt enough my mother in law started dying from liver failure and we didnt think she was gonna make it so i decided to quit so id be less of a burden on my husband and so i could be there for him if god forrbid the worst was to happen to her, but i stay sober for me.
Not being present with my child.
Broken relationships
No job
No food in the fridge
Hangovers
The mental fog
The absolute depression afterwards
I could go on and on and on.
Everyday I am still trying with relapse after relapse. It’s a horrible desease and one I have to get shot off. One day at a time.
The real incentive for me was my sleep! When I drink my sleep gets messed up, I talk, I toss and turn, and even do weird stuff (like, sit up and laugh out loud weird, imagine that waking you up in the middle of the night )
The last night I had drinks I tried to choke my partner in my sleep, obviously I do not remember that at all, but it scared me silly when he told me about it the next day.
It’s been 37 days since then and my sleep has been amazing!
Not to mention, I’m less irritable, my skin is better, and I’ve been hella productive because I’m not hungover anymore!
When you almost lose your home twice due to non payment because you used all rent money on buying drugs instead…. I thought about it and my kids need a place to feel safe and be comfortable more than I need a “fix” so I chose to shift my mind, I chose to instead save and pay rent… now I am almost out of debt and can make sure I keep my home and my lights, phone, everything else we need to survive.
Alcohol was ruining me both mentally and physically. My anxiety was through the roof, and the paranoia. I wound up in the hospital one time with pancreatitis. I think the blackouts scared me the most. I was tired of lying to people and sneaking around, hiding my bottles, etc. I just had enough of that. It wasn’t woth it.
Realising that drink just allowed me to not be myself. Myself, for so long, was a shy and introverted, insecure, scared and emotionally immature (neglected emotionally and abused mentally) child. Drink allowed me to talk louder and ‘shine’, to still my heart and anxiety into a fake smile and gregarious laughter and over sharing (real intimacy was a no). The more you drink, the less you know your inner voice and child, the more you need to hit that note, the more you drink. The distance became a chasm between drunk me and real ME. Some layer underneath my surface started to loathe and distrust everything my alter ego did and managed, the fakeness broke my good spirit and hurt my soul.
Not drinking is painful, but you deserve to care for and heal that very deserving inner child/soul and spirit. There’s only one you; you are worth it. I’m closing that gap between my real self and my surface self now as I don’t hide anymore. I hurt and get depressed, but laugh and love deeper too. There’s no question about this pursuit for sobriety now for me. No matter what, I’ll keep stepping forwards into the lightness of trust and love and friendship and genuine curiosity. I also won’t water the Astro turf; be picky with your friends and who surround you. I wish those well who don’t help grow me, but as Tupac said : I don’t want them eating at my table.
My partner went to visit friends last summer. I went into town on the hottest day of the year and drank too much, she rang me and I was drunk and sounded like a knob on the phone I think. She messaged me and said it scared her how much I changed when drinking, how cold and aloof I got.
So I stopped on the 25 June last year. Never going back.
I had a realization that life would be incredibly more enjoyable. I did whatever I wanted for a long time. And that meant I got to drink whenever I wanted. While this was fun and free in the beginning it slowly but surely turned into something not fun and made me a slave to alcohol. Every year for new years resolution I thought to myself “what could I change that would have the biggest impact on my health and lifestyle”. Stop drinking was the first thing that always popped into my head but I couldn’t imagine a life without alcohol.
Then I thought back to fond memories as a child playing sports, hanging out with friends, etc. I thought how nice it would be to feel that joy again. And I realized I felt that way for years and years never once consuming a drop of alcohol. So the idea that life couldn’t be fun or worth living without booze was proven wrong by my younger life.
With these two pieces of information–stopping drinking would have the biggest positive impact on my health and lifestyle as well as the realization that life can and has been really fun and joyous without alcohol I decided to go sober.
The only reason I tried something different than drinkin & druggin was because the booze & dope stopped working on me, I wasnt getting that blackout effect any more, nor the exhileration of having stuff course through my brain and veins.
Being homeless, penniless, friendless, scared, lonely etc. had absolutely no part in my stopping to get high. I would have continued using past the point of annihilation if I was still getting something out of it.
So after my 3rd detox in 1984, I had no viable way to keep using for effect. Been continuously clean & sober since, 40+ years.
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