I’m laying here in bed wondering why. Why does addiction take over some people and others no? I want to be free of this and I’m so afraid I will pass my demons to my kids. I’ve been drinking a six pack every night for the past eight years and also cocaine as often as I can get it. I’m 36 years old and I feel my body giving up on me. Today I am day 1. God help me I will change this time for good!
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Maybe try a meeting might help wish you well
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Im glad your here.
If you cant get out to a meeting this is the zoom link for the
24 hour marathon meeting,
Zoom code: 2923712604
Its very welcoming meeting you dont have to have your camera on or spk untik youbfeel ready its just a great place you to be to help tou through day one.
Good luck
Take care
I’m so glad you are here. Start how you need to start… Early sobriety is hard and IMO if you can find community asap it will help. I tried on my own at first and made it a few weeks, but eventually started meetings and that changed my life… you might not click with the first meeting you try but finding your people is so worth it. 
If we do the same ol thing we get the same ol outcome. Going to meetings helps me keep focused on the prize… a wonderful life around others who want to live too. Feel better soon and best wishes for you today and beyond.
Welcome Meilin.
Have a good read around here. This place has been a great place for me to get support in my sobriety. Addiction is too tough to go it alone. We are stronger in numbers. And we are all worth it.
Here are two good threads to start:
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You’re not alone. Keep your head up, addiction is a disease. Work on getting to a live meeting if possible. Today is the first day of the rest of your life my friend.
Thank you for your kind words and advice. My spirits were lifted this morning, and I feel so ready to take on day 1!
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I don’t know why I drink. Seriously. I don’t like being drunk. I barely ever get drunk to where others notice. I’ve been addicted to other things (mostly opioids) and I know why I liked that. Same with Coke, Meth, etc. I get why I was hooked on those. But alcohol… I just don’t get it. I start off the day saying I’m done drinking and by bed time I’ve consumed half a bottle of wine and 1/2 a flask of Jack Daniels. How does it happen. I have no physical cravings. I quit a few days ago and am waiting for withdrawals to kick in, but so far nothing. I don’t know anyone else with my story. It’s something deeply psychological. Been in Rehabs for other drugs, so I know the drills and the processes of gaining sobriety (although once I’ve walked away from a drug its taken very little to stay off them) So why do I drink???
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Keep coming on here and take one day at a time, your not alone 
Now idk exactly why anydoes anything, but I know LOTS if people with your story brother! Lol. You’re absolutely right though when you say its all psychological. Even the addiction to drugs with a strong physical hook is physiological. There is a duality thats created with addiction where the addict mind takes control often through the notion of liberating the true self from some difficulty or the promise of highlighting something. All lies. The addicted mind just wants to be in the driver seat. Now whether we fed our situation and addiction till it reached a threshold where it became its own entity or if we’re destined to have this is a problem for the philosophers to argue over. All i know is i cant give up the wheel and wont!
Its nice to think about these things and possibly get a deeper insight into ourselves/the human condition, but if we’re still in active addiction then its like wondering why we need to eat while starving to death.
Take care, be well
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Because drinking & using releases Dopamine, and that’s our happy-reward hormone. And it’s released at a higher level than when we’re having sex when we get lit. This is research proven.
It’s self trickery like none other, subtle but so intense how we sell the wheel to ourselves. Rationalizing anything that works to keep us in that loop.
Do what you did to get off opiates please. Glad you’re here.
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Thanks for the feedback and support everyone. Wasn’t sure to post that post, because it wasn’t what the thread was really about. Someone says “why do I do it?” and anyone with a shred of logic or pragmatism would take that to mean “why do I drink when I know it’s going to end badly each time” but what’s implied there is that there is SOME dopamine rewards or good feeling with the first drink or 2. Something / Anything!! But no, nothing. It’s scaring me.
Re -reading Kdog’s post. You put that brilliantly. Maybe there is something to that and I can develop the beginnings of an answer for myself. Thanks very much. I’m a believer in systems in business and corporate organizations that take on a life of their own. Maybe my beast’s desire to be behind the wheel has finally gotten bored of attempted influencing and become an “entity” that just decided to straight up control me. Ha! sounds like a bong hit, but it makes at least some kind of sense.